


Black Water

by untilmynextstory



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Affairs, Estrangement, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Issues, Marriage, Pregnancy, Relationship(s), Separations, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 62,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9374375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilmynextstory/pseuds/untilmynextstory
Summary: After being separated for a year, Vanessa believed it was time to move on. End it clean for the sake of their boys and for them. Despite still being in love with Jax, too much had happened, too much did happen. But six years was hard to let go and she still loved him.





	1. Chapter 1

"Baby, you don't need all those toys." Vanessa told her youngest son, who was 3 years old, as he was trying to cram his whole new inventory of toys in his Avengers backpack. Thomas only erupted in a fit of giggles as she placed as kiss on his chubby cheek. Despite the family's personal problems, Thomas was a very happy toddler unlike her oldest son who was sulking by the door. His mood was becoming increasingly sour towards everyone including her. Abel, 5 years old, was the spitting image of his father. They possessed the same blonde hair and blue eyes and even the patent Teller attitude. Vanessa was sure they inherited that from Gemma's side of the family.

"Abel, why don't you help your brother put his shoes on. You dad is going to be here any minute."

Vanessa watched as Abel wordlessly walked in the room and grabbed a pair of white Nike's identical to their father's. With Thomas distracted by his brother, she grabbed the forgotten book bag and headed back into the foyer where Abel's and Thomas' weekend bag was resting. She was sure she didn't need to pack extra clothes considering they were going to Gemma's. However, she knew her boys and they needed certain stuff animals, blankets, and pajamas to have a restful sleep.

Checking her watch, it was ten to four meaning Jax would be arriving any minute to pick up his sons for the weekend. Thomas, running down the hallway with his Leap Frog tablet, distracted her from her watch. Abel followed his brother miserably into the living room and sat on the couch while his brother got comfortable on the floor.

She sat next to her oldest son on their leather couch where he immediately settled into her lap hugging her. She pressed a kiss to her son's head. "What's wrong, Abel?"

"I want to stay home." He told her as he tightened his arms around her.

"Are you not feeling good?" She questioned as she placed her lips to his head again. His skin felt normal and he did not have threatening complications with his heart since he was born. But her worries about a physical ailment quelled with him shaking his head. "Then what is it baby?"

"I don't want to go with daddy."

Vanessa's stomach dropped. She knew this was going to happen eventually considering her and Jax never explicitly explained to their oldest why daddy wasn't living at home anymore. After a year of being separated, the toll of their boys going back and forth would start showing. She knew she should have been better prepared for it.

Vanessa moved Abel so he was looking at her. "Abel, I know this is hard, but daddy looks forward to his weekends with you."

A scowl took over her son's face, and Vanessa was sure she was looking at Jax. "He is always on his phone and leaves." He revealed crossing his arms at her.

Vanessa frowned slightly. Since Jax became president of the mother charter, he had become busier than when he was as the vice president. She could understand her son's frustration as it took her awhile to accept that Jax had an obligation to such a time consuming organization. She went to reply when there was a knock on the door. She gave Abel another kiss and placed him down on the couch. "Watch you brother, okay."

Reaching the door, she had a concrete idea of who it was. Opening it, her _estranged_ husband stood on the doorstep. She looked him over quickly. It had been a week since she seen him, when he announced he was going on a run, tersely over the phone, as he wanted to say bye to the boys. He didn't look any worse for wear with his blonde hair slicked back and his beard looking thicker. He was in his leather kutte with the President patch sewn proudly on it with a charcoal hoodie underneath with a white tee shirt. Since an argument a few weeks ago, he never ventured further than the doorframe unless the boys wanted to show him something or he tucked them in.

She was relieved that he didn't have any visible injuries like a bullet wound.

"I'm glad you're okay." The words felt awkward tumbling from her mouth. Despite being separated for over a year, it didn't mean her concern for his general well being shut off considering her husband, the father of her children, was not just a Harley enthusiast. His cornflower eyes trailed her body before they lingered on her face; he seemed to accept her words as he nodded his head. This was also something she had become use too. Over the year, she had become used to this mask of indifference and silence.

His eyes trailed past her and his lips twitched upward into a smile as Thomas ran over where they were standing.

Jax immediately accepted his excited son lifting him in the air causing Thomas to squeal in laughter. Despite what was going on with them, Jax was still a good and attentive father. As she watched father and son, Vanessa felt a pressure on her leg and looked down to find Abel standing next to her, clinging to her leg.

Jax noticed his oldest son and beckoned him to come forward, which he didn't. Jax glanced at her for an answer, but she only managed to give him an uncertain look. Vanessa was not going to tell Jax exactly what Abel uttered before he knocked on the door. Abel stepped forward as Jax's hands, adorned by SONS rings, caressed his head trying to get Abel to look at him which garnered no success. Abel only waited by the door for them to leave.

Vanessa grabbed the boys' bags, which today contained an extra backpack. Jax looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Thomas wants to show you his new toys." She explained.

Jax looked at his youngest and tickled his belly, "You're being spoiled."

Vanessa was surprised when Abel grabbed a bag and placed it on his back. "I can carry it, mommy."

Vanessa smiled sweetly at her boy. She bent down and gave him a hug and a kiss. "You be good for daddy. I love you."

Abel gave his mom a kiss and hug. "I love you too, mommy."

She stood back up as Jax's lowered Thomas in his arms down. She gave her boy a kiss and rubbed his hair that mirrored her dark brown, the only thing between her two boys that she knew came directly from her. "I love you, Thomas." She went to pull back, but with his hands he grabbed her face and gave her a sloppy kiss. "Love you, mommy."

Vanessa stood back and her eyes flickered to Jax who was staring at her. "I guess, I'll see you Sunday." She muttered to him as she stuck her hand in the back pockets of her jean shorts.

"Yeah," he replied before he led the boys to his truck. She stood on the doorstep until Jax's truck disappeared from the street. She released a breath she didn't know she had been holding and ignored the churning feeling she always got in Jax's presence.

* * *

 

In his mom's kitchen, Jax put the macaroni noodles in the strainer while he contemplated on just ordering take out. However, Vanessa had quickly expressed her misgivings, that Abel especially, shouldn't be having pizza every weekend with him. But he was close to giving his firstborn his favorite treat as the boy was in a mood since they left his former home. Plus, Jax wasn't a good cook compared to Vanessa or his mom. Usually for the weekends with his boys, since he still hadn't took the plunge to rent a space outside of the clubhouse, his mom would be here and cooked her grandsons' favorites.

Jax took the noodles and placed them back inside the pot with the butter, milk, and cheese. Absentmindedly, he thought he should have added some type of meat or even hot dogs to this meal. He probably should've stole the banana bread that Bobby made earlier in the morning. Additionally, he thought about how much longer this routine would last as Vanessa hadn't given any indication it would change. Well besides the fact she brought up the subject of divorce papers yet again. That however resulted in a big blowout where she began avoiding him for two weeks and only talking to him through Gemma. Jax knew if he didn't have the reputation he had, and the fact he deliberately sabotaged Vanessa being able to obtain a lawyer, they would have been divorced a year ago when she kicked him out the house.

Jax scooped some of the Mac n cheese into two bowls for his sons. He walked into his mom's and Clay's dining room where they were waiting patiently. What he really meant Abel was pouting about something and Thomas was amused by everything lately.

He placed Thomas' bowl further away from the boy as he would eat the hot noodles before he sat down.

"Be careful, it's hot," he warned Abel who looked at the food cautiously, but nodded his head.

Jax quickly went in the kitchen filling two cups of milk for the boys while grabbing a water and bowl for him. He sat next to Thomas and blew on the pasta before giving him a bite which he greedily accepted. Abel was slowly eating his meal while taking intermediate sips of his milk. After feeding Thomas a few bites, he trusted his son wasn't going to make too much of a mess, and handed the boy his spoon.

After a few minutes of spoons scratching against bowls and Abel's frown continually deepening, "You okay, buddy?"

Abel only shrugged his shoulders as a response. Jax could only think of Vanessa as she did the same thing. Like the perturbed expression he son was currently expressing was the same one he has gotten used to seeing on his wife when he pissed her off and she was waiting to chew him out.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Something happen at school?"

Abel's spoon clinked against the ceramic bowl as his blue eyes connected with his father. "Don't you have a phone to answer?"

Jax's eyes widened at his son's words from shock but quickly narrowed at the tone. "What does that mean?"

"I'm tired, daddy." Abel said while hopping off his chair and leaving the dinner room.

Jax watched the miniature version of himself stalk out of the dining room in disbelief. A part of him didn't know whether to let his son stew or if he needed to reprimand his son for his behavior.

* * *

 

"I'm sorry. I know I keep talking about Abel and it's probably killing the mood." Vanessa said as she thought about Abel's increasing foul mood. She knew why he was frustrated, but it was like talking to a wall with Jax and Gemma when it came to things that concern her sons in general. She still remembered how Gemma bitched about sending Abel to Pilgrim Grove and she worked there as a teacher. Vanessa and Gemma generally got along. But they did clash when it came to the boys and that included Jax.

A hand weaved into Vanessa's long wavy black hair and gently messaged her scalp. "It's okay. They're your kids."

Vanessa sighed at the ministration, "I just want Abel to talk to someone, but Gemma and Jax –" She stopped and cringed at mentioning Jax's name.

Heath chuckled against her neck before placing a kiss there which immediately caused her to shiver. Her reaction sparked him to begin placing more kisses on her neck that slowly led to biting and sucking.

Vanessa screeched and pulled her neck away from him. "No marks!"

The playful mood seemed to dissipate in mere seconds. "I'm sorry," she whispered as he pulled away from her sighing heavily as he laid on her bed. She noticed his eyes went directly to her wedding rings that rested on her jewelry plate. She felt guilty. Yes, she and Jax have been separated for a year, but Jax didn't know she had begun seeing another man. Another man she worked with at her job and interacted with their son. On top of that, Heath in so little ways had begun to express his frustrations on being kept a secret and her lack of progress in dissolving her marriage. As the only thing that gave away a troubled marriage was Jax just lived at the clubhouse.

She ran her hand through his black damp hair as she got him to look at her than her expensive rings. "We don't have to be here." She didn't add in her house and in the bed she used to share with Jax.

"But then we have to worry about a patch following you right. I mean my car is parked two blocks over," he muttered bitterly.

Hurt flashed in Vanessa's whiskey eyes as she clutched her bedsheet around her frame. "You don't have to be here." She told him with some edge in her voice that he picked up on. And a part of her hoped he would take the out.

"I…it's just been 6 months and you're still not divorced." He leaned up on her bed and pulled her closer to him where he kissed her tenderly. "I'm just tired of living in the shadows."

Vanessa didn't know how to respond because it would be all smoke. She never promised Heath anything other than the fact she wasn't sharing a bed with Jax. She never even promised Heath a relationship, but she enjoyed his company. She wanted to feel good and she _had_ needs. Plus, she was under no illusion that Jax slept alone every night. But she knew if Jax found out, Jax would kill him. She had no delusions about who her husband was and what he was capable of.

She pressed a deep kiss to Heath's lips and wanting to end the conversation quickly straddled his lap.

* * *

 

It was a quiet morning in the Teller – Morrow household. Clay was nursing a hangover in his recliner where Abel was resting on his lap as they watched cartoons. Thomas was busy coloring in his superhero coloring book content in his own world. Gemma was making her grandsons' their favorite breakfast meal of pancakes. Jax was leaning against the marble counter steadily drinking his black coffee as he watched his boys, specifically Abel.

When Abel left the dinner table last night he didn't remerge from Jax's old bedroom. Making sure Thomas was fully occupied with some of his toys; Jax went to his room on the pretense of talking to Abel and addressing his behavior. However, the little boy had changed into his Captain America PJs and was sound asleep.

Jax was going to forget the whole episode last night if his son's attitude disappeared with a good night's sleep, but he was still moody. Or he was at least to him; he seemed content in his grandfather's lap watching their cartoons.

Gemma casually flipped her pancakes before she looked over at Jax who seemed lost in his thoughts. It didn't take a genius to probably figure out who his thoughts revolved around. She can only imagine what happened this time.

"Something wrong, Jackson?"

Jax turned to her and shook his head. She immediately knew it was bullshit as she narrowed her eyes at her son. "Is Vanessa coming over tomorrow?" She asked casually.

She watched the frown on her son's face deepen at the mention of his wife. "I forgot to ask, but I highly doubt it. She's all about _space_ and _boundaries_."

Gemma sighed as she placed the last pancake on the serving platter. "I don't know why you're dragging this out, baby."

She felt Jax's glare on the back of her head, but it was the truth. One she would say more often if it didn't cause her son to throw a hissy fit that could rival his own sons. Nonetheless, she learned a long time ago to not butt in on Jax's and Vanessa's marriage as it led her to dealing with a cankerous biker. She looked at her son giving him the chance to say something, but he grabbed the plate of pancakes and announced breakfast.

Sitting at the table, Jax took his place next to Thomas who seemed to be extra clingy as he initially wanted to sit on his lap. Clingier than he ever recalled Abel being at this age then again, Abel was a proud mommy's boy. Abel was possessive of his mother like him and Jax at one point thought him and his son were fighting for Vanessa's undivided attention.

"Not hungry, Abel?" He heard his mother asked.

Jax eyes went to across the table where his mom was sitting next to Abel looking at his mutilated pancakes.

"Not really, grandma."

He watched as Gemma placed her hand on his forehead worry was etched in her features, "You feeling okay."

"Can I go back home to mommy?" Abel asked quietly as his eyes connected with his father's.

"Don't you want to spend the weekend with daddy?" Gemma asked as she ignored the pained expression her son was trying to hide.

Abel shrugged his shoulders, "Daddy's always gone now."

Jax leaned up in his chair as he looked at his son. "Abel, mommy and I are taking some time apart. It's best that I'm not home right now."

"When _are_ you coming home?" Abel demanded to know.

Jax opened his mouth, but closed it. He wanted to say when Vanessa lets him, but he didn't want to put the blame on her even if it was the partial truth or total truth in his eyes.

"I don't know, buddy." He settled on. It was better to give a vague answer than to give his son false hope.

Abel scowled before he abruptly left the table startling his grandparents.

"Shit, looks someone inherited the Teller attitude." Clay mumbled behind his coffee mug earning a hard glower from his step-son and wife.

"I'll go talk to him, baby," Gemma said as she left the table following her grandson.

* * *

 

Donna Winston could clearly read the apprehension on Vanessa's face as she sat in the chair and looked at her black wavy hair. Gone were long wavy tresses, it was replaced with a wavy bob that just reached her chin. It was shorter than her hair and way nicer compared to her straight flat brown hair.

Today was Donna's and Vanessa's spa day. At least every other week they would spend their husband's money, or in Vanessa's case, estranged husband's, and treat themselves to manicures and pedicures. They had set this tradition since they first met when Vanessa started dating Jax over 6 years ago. It was extremely nice considering it gave them both a break from their kids. But now she knew Vanessa looked forward to these biweekly retreats considering the limbo she was in with Jax.

"When was the last time you cut your hair?" Donna asked her.

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. "Jax always liked it long."

Vanessa pinched her lips together and got out of the chair to pay for the haircut. Even with the short hair being dramatically different for her, she did like it. It was a nice change for her even if it was spontaneous.

"Are you going to the family dinner?" Donna asked her as they walked to her car.

"It's better if I don't go." Vanessa replied as she started her car.

"Is Abel still moody?"

Vanessa nodded her head. "I think all these family dinners confuse him like I don't know if me not going upsets him or if me going will confuse him."

Donna rested a hand on Vanessa's shoulder. "Hey, there isn't a way to deal with this, but you know Opie and I are here for you."

Vanessa gave her a strained smile. She really wanted to say that Opie was loyal to Jax. Donna was loyal to her. Vanessa hated the boiling in her gut when she thought of Opie and Donna. Sometimes she was envious of what Donna and Opie had. She knew Opie would walk on the sun for Donna. Opie worshiped the ground she walked on. She wished she had that. Vanessa knew Jax loved her. It was something she surprisingly never doubted during their relationship, even with their marriage only happening because of him knocking her up so quickly with Abel. However, at least Opie was faithful to Donna in Charming and elsewhere.

* * *

 

Jax sat in one of his mother's lawn chairs in her backyard as he watched Abel and Thomas play with Clay and Tig. He was glad Abel's mood from Friday and Saturday seemed to dissipate for the family dinner. Jax wasn't sure if it was because it was of the club being there and showering him with attention or Abel knew that after supper he was going home. Jax took a long sip of his beer when a hand clapped his shoulder and the person took the vacant seat next to him.

"I see your old lady couldn't make it." Opie said as he looked at Jax from the corner of his eye.

Jax growled lowly, "Really, I didn't notice. How was her and Donna's spy day?"

"Good, I guess. Donna doesn't tell me shit and I really don't want to think about Nes getting a bikini wax."

Jax snorted. "I think it's called Brazilian, Ope."

Opie scrunched his face, "Doesn't matter, I don't want to know about your old lady's grooming methods."

Jax chuckled as his brother had a point and he wasn't going to tell his brother about the various designs Vanessa had surprised him with over the years as she rarely went completely bare.

"So how is she?" Opie asked before talking a long sip of beer.

"Don't know. She only talks about the boys."

"Still not talking from when she brought up the divorce papers?" Opie surmised.

Jax's nostrils flared thinking about that moment. Things were actually going good between the two. They were talking and he was hoping they could work things out when she blindsided him with the fact Rosen was willing to draw up divorce papers for her. He was tempted to fire the lawyer for that bullshit.

"You really need to figure this shit out, Jax."

Opie was telling him something he already knew.

* * *

 

Jax watched with contained hurt and a pinch of jealously that he squashed away as Abel clung to Vanessa proclaiming how much he missed her. Thomas too clamored for his mom's attention which she finally was able to give after Abel was satisfied with her greeting. But as he watched his wife openly show her love for their boys, he noticed something was drastically different about her.

She cut her hair. He thought it was the first time she ever had cut her hair since she had been with him.

Vanessa placed Thomas back on the ground and told Abel to take his brother so she could talk to their father. The boys gave Jax a hug and kiss goodnight and the parents were left alone.

Jax was quiet as she felt his eyes take in her new hairstyle. She wasn't sure if he was upset or even liked it, but then she chided herself for even wanting or caring about his reaction to it.

Jax leaned against the doorframe. She watched his eyes trail from her tan legs, exposed in red stain sleeping shorts, to the red tank top she was wearing without a bra before his eyes even reached her face. "Your hair looks nice."

"Thank you." She felt her cheeks heat up and she felt stupid that Jax could make her feel like a goddamn teenager. She crossed her arms as she was now aware of her lack of bra and cool weather of the night. "I tried to pay the bills earlier, but somehow they were already paid for."

Jax stood up straighter. "You complaining?" She knew the only reason he actually went out to pay the bills was because she refused to accept the wads of cash he left her for her to take care of the boys as well as her.

Vanessa sighed. "No, but you don't even live here."

His eyes flashed with anger and Vanessa was beginning to regret bringing it up. "My sons live here and you're still my wife."

"If you would sign – "

"Here you go with these fucking papers." Vanessa snapped her mouth shut at his interruption. "I'm not signing shit." He left no room for argument as he walked away from her.

She watched as he stormed off the doorstep and back to his truck before driving away.


	2. Chapter 2

Vanessa mentally prepared herself a round of 20 passive aggressive questions as she pulled into the parking lot of the clubhouse. Since Neeta had come down with the flu, Gemma was watching Thomas until she got off work. The lot was seemingly vacant. The only flurry of activity was in the auto shop where power tools were buzzing. As she looked towards the clubhouse, more specifically, the spaces reserved for the club's bikes, she noticed Jax's resting in its spot, shining brightly under the morning sun. It had been a year and the man still lived in his dorm room. She learned after 4 months of their separation to not question him on his living arrangements. She knew on his weekends with the boys, he took them to Gemma's, but she thought it would have helped the transition for the boys if he rented a place for himself. However, the pit in her stomach, she knew he lived in the clubhouse because he still had hope for them. The man still wore his wedding band.

She unbuckled both Abel and Thomas from their car seats and they head into the office where Gemma was busy reading paperwork. Gemma glanced at her through her reading glasses and raised an eyebrow at her. Vanessa already knew the questions were coming.

"Good morning, grandma," Abel greeted his grandmother giving her a kiss.

"Good morning, baby," Gemma greeted back, her face softening at her grandson. Thomas immediately detached his hand from hers and found his home on his grandmother's lap.

Vanessa smiled at the scene. Even if Gemma made her want to pull her hair out, she was a doting and slightly overbearing grandmother. She knew half the reason Gemma liked her was because she gave her some grandchildren and had managed to get Jax to settle down. "Thank you for watching him, Gem."

"No problem, sweetheart," Gemma told her as she smoothed down Thomas' dark hair, "but the boys and I missed you yesterday."

Gemma sure didn't waste with any preamble, Vanessa thought. "Gem –"

Gemma didn't give her a chance to speak. "No matter what you and Jax are going through you're family." Gemma's voice was soft as she said it, like she was trying to soothe a baby, "but the haircut is nice, looks good on you."

Vanessa shook her head at Gemma, "Thanks. It was a spur of the moment thing."

Gemma only nodded her head before she pursed her lips. "Did Jax tell you what happened at breakfast on Saturday?"

Vanessa furrowed her brows and crossed her arms. "No, what happened?"

"Hey, baby," Gemma's eyes went to Abel, "why don't you go mess with Tig in the garage, your mom and I need to talk."

Vanessa encouraged her son out to the garage where she looked at Gemma waiting for her to explain what exactly happened.

...

Vanessa found herself walking across the lot into the clubhouse, fury in her veins. As she pushed the door open, she realized she had not been in the clubhouse since the _incident_. It still smelt like leather, booze, and pussy and it caused her to scrunch her nose. She really didn't miss the smell of the place. Her 3 inch heels clicked as she walked straight towards the chapel where she saw Jax looking over some papers. She knew it wasn't serious as the door was open and he had a smile on his face as he talked to Bobby, who was standing up behind a chair laughing. She _almost_ felt guilty she was about to sour his mood. Something she felt she did a lot more than she intended.

Bobby was the first to notice her as his eyes flicked to her form. Surprise quickly took over his features that had Jax looking at her in surprise as well. Bobby seemed to get she needed to talk to Jax alone as he left the chapel giving her a quick greeting and a kiss on the cheek and he made way to take a seat at the bar.

When she reached the chapel, Jax was standing up. Entering the scared space of the clubhouse, he closed the door so they could have some privacy.

"You alright," he asked gently as he stood in front of her. His hands went up to most likely caress her cheeks or shoulders, but she noticed he stopped himself. At least he still wasn't angry from their conversation last night.

"Were you planning to tell me how Abel acted towards you this weekend?"

Jax scowled and took a step back from her. "It's not a bi – "

"It _is_ a big deal, Jackson." She told him exasperated. "It could lead to something else."

Jax's eyes narrowed. "I told you we're not sending him to anyone."

Vanessa scoffed. She wanted to tell him she could send Abel anywhere she damn well pleased considering she was the one that provided insurance and Pilgrim Grove did have a school psychologist on site. She was only extending the curtesy as he was Abel's father. She knew it would cause a bigger headache for her if she didn't tell him.

"Honestly, Nes, I don't want to deal with this bullshit." He told her as he lit a cigarette.

Vanessa's nostrils flared and she looked at him incredulous, "Our child's mental welfare is _bullshit_."

Jax looked at her sharply. "Don't twist my words."

Vanessa bit her tongue and looked away from her husband. She took a calming breath before she looked back him as he casually smoked his cigarette as his eyes scrutinized her frame. She was tempted to slap him as he was not even trying to hide the fact he was appraising her body. "Thomas is going to be here with Gemma as Neeta is sick. Do you want to say bye to Abel?" He only nodded his and followed her out the chapel doors to leave.

* * *

 

While waiting for her coffee to brew and tapping her manicured fingers on the counter, Vanessa tensed slightly as hands gripped her shoulders before they began massaging her.

"You seem tense." Heath whispered in her ear.

"It's because I am." She hated that Jax was able to get her into moods that seem impossible to get rid of until she saw her babies. But then she knew she would have to deal with him the next day.

Heath's hands moved from her shoulders to her hips as he turned her around. Heath was dressed in his usual track suit, today black, with his whistle around his neck. His dark chocolate eyes were staring down at her hungrily. Heath was a very attractive man with his dark hair and eyes. He had tan skin and a muscular frame that rivaled Jax. She frowned internally as she hated to compare anyone to Jax. But the simple matter of the truth was Heath or any other man wasn't Jax. Her hands went around his neck as she smiled up at him. At least, Heath made her feel good unlike Jax where she felt like bashing her own head into a wall.

Heath's hand tugged on a strand of her curled hair. "Your hair's nice." He complimented.

"Thank you," Vanessa said and placed a kiss quickly to his lips considering they were in the faculty lounge at Pilgrim Grove. Any teacher could walk in, which could cause trouble for both of them, especially since she was still legally married and Pilgrim Grove was a private school.

He pulled her back into a deeper kiss, eliciting a moan out of her that had him smiling against her lips. "When am I going to see you again?"

"You're seeing me right now." She whispered against his lips as she nipped at them playfully. She pushed him away gently as she went back to making her cup of coffee.

"You're a tease." Heath said as he left the lounge.

Once he left, the guilt crawled into her skin – in her gut. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty as she knew Jax hadn't been a saint since their separation. She was still married to him and that _meant_ something to her. She wondered every time she saw Heath if she should end it. She knew the only reason she began seeing Heath was because she needed comfort. She sure as hell wasn't getting it from Jax and, at that time, she certainly didn't want any even when Jax would try. Despite how smart her husband was, he seemed to think sex could fix anything that happened to arise in a relationship.

She just wanted to feel something other than the pain that was consuming her and Heath helped with that. She just worried about the ramifications of soothing that pain.

* * *

 

Jax eased off his bike after a _trip_ to Cara Cara. He noticed his mom's SUV was gone which he suspected meant she took Thomas somewhere to lunch and inevitably spoiling the boy. He placed his helmet on the handle bars of his bike and walked over to where Opie was sitting on the picnic table bench that was outside the clubhouse doors. And the look on his brother's face told him he wasn't going to like what came out of his mouth.

"You think getting your dick wet is going to help your marriage considering that was what got you in the doghouse." Opie stated plainly.

He knew his other brothers didn't give a shit about what he did outside of his marriage. He knew it was the by-product of the life they lived. Despite how much they may love and respect Vanessa, they didn't have any say in what he did at his own discretion _except_ Opie. Jax could say his best friend was one of the few brothers that never indulged in the perks of free pussy the club offered while in a relationship. Jax knew though Opie never had even been with a croweater as he had been with Donna since they were about 16. Jax didn't have the clean slate like Opie and it continually bit him in the ass.

Jax pinched his nose. After this morning with Vanessa, he was pissed off. But he didn't know if it was because of what she had confronted him about or for what she was wearing. He severely questioned teachers' dress codes as she was wearing a tight black pencil shirt and a white long sleeve blouse that was severely tight near her chest and her new haircut wasn't helping. He was glad she taught 4th graders.

Jax lit a cigarette as he looked at his brother. "All you going to do is lecture him now."

"Maybe if you didn't keep doing this sloppy shit." In Opie's eyes he could see clearly the _don't shit where you eat_.

Jax looked down at his wedding band – his father's wedding band. Times like these he wished he had his father here to help guide him through this storm. Sure, he had his mother and Clay, but he needed his father. His father who had went through the same shit he was currently going through now.

"If you want your wife, Jax, you're going to have to make the fucking effort. What you two went through that shit was hard…"

Opie stopped as he saw Jax shaking his head.

Jax felt the tightness in his jaw and he can't hide the pain in his eyes when anyone mentioned _that._ There wasn't a way to exactly handle what did happen to his family. Jax knew what he did was wrong – a mistake – and for the past year he was trying to make up for it. However, it seemed Vanessa was done with him. Something he acknowledged, but refused to accept.

Jax felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Taking it out, he slipped into business mode wanting to forget about his personal tragedies. "We need to make the delivery for the Niners."

* * *

 

Vanessa was seriously considering chewing Gemma out the next time she saw her. Thomas most certainly was experiencing a sugar high, as he had been acting silly since she picked him from the clubhouse.

It didn't help that because of her husband's notorious reputation, that when she did something as simple as shopping, she got cagy looks. And with her mood from this morning still lingering in her, she also was upset with her oldest son as she was informed from, his teacher, Miss Harrison of his rude behavior in class.

She was frazzled from dealing with Thomas, who was laughing to his heart's content, and Abel, who had been pouting since school. She was tempted to let Abel pick out some Oreos, but that would only be rewarding him for his bad behavior.

But her mood completely got shot when she noticed someone in the aisle, which she was currently shopping in. She was going to completely move to the next aisle and wait until the blonde shank went to a different one when Thomas took her keys from her purse and dropped them on the floor causing attention to come their way.

Vanessa didn't have much respect for croweaters and _most_ of the porn stars that worked at Cara Cara. It was a fact that she had made known to Jax quite frequently, as he was the one with a vivid history with croweaters, and in charge of wanting the club as a partner in Cara Cara to help out Luann. However, at least with the croweaters they knew their place on the totem pole. She didn't understand how women knowingly like to be toss around from brother to brother, but at least when she was on the lot they knew how to act.

The porn stars on the other hand were the bane of her existence. Maybe it was her fault that she trusted Jax with how much he assured her she was the only woman he wanted. He was going home to her every night and she had his crow. Yet it didn't renounce the fact that he loved the attention. She knew he did. He liked all those women vying for his dick. And he used that to hurt her. He knew it when he slept with Ima and Vanessa knew it was more than once and probably still. He was trying to hurt her.

She at least thought if her husband was going to cheat on her, he could have upgraded and the girl's ass and tits could have been bigger than hers.

Vanessa moved down the aisle ignoring the girl, who was wearing a micro skirt to the goddamn grocery store, as she looked for Abel's snacks for his lunch.

She decided to let Abel pick out what snacks he wanted to keep him distracted from the whore that was in the aisle. She heard hooker heels smack against the floor before they stopped near her. Vanessa turned and looked at Ima, who was wearing too much makeup and clearly not enough clothes.

"Can I help you?" Vanessa asked.

Ima smirked at her, as she smacked her gum in her mouth, "No, Jax helped me out this morning."

Vanessa clenched her jaw before she smiled with false sincerity, "Well I hope he didn't catch an STD."

Ima huffed before walking away and Vanessa reminded herself she would not fight with another woman, especially a porn slut, over Jax.

"Mommy?"

Vanessa looked down at her son who had stuffed their cart with more snacks than she usually allowed. "Yes, baby?"

"What's an STD?"

"Something you need to ask your daddy about okay."

Abel nodded his head accepting her answer before asking if he could have Oreo's which she let him have.

* * *

 

Vanessa dunked her 10th Oreo into her glass of milk while she sat in her kitchen. After the scene in the grocery store, Vanessa decided to treat her boys to some fast food at Hanna's Diner. Filling them up with junk food, Vanessa began to regret her decision as she needed to still put the boys to bed. However, she was lucky that Jax decided to make an unscheduled appearance. She had him deal with his sons in bathing them and tucking them in.

Even though she was grateful being relieved of that task, considering she heard the trouble Jax was having settling his kids, after today, she really did want to slap him.

She was in the process of dunking her 11th Oreo when she heard Jax's trek down the hallway to the kitchen.

"So why did Abel tell me you wanted him to ask me what a STD was?" He asked curiously. There was no anger coloring his voice. But his voice broke her peaceful mood she was trying to achieve while eating her Oreos.

She closed the package to the cookies as she got up to put them in the cupboard. "I thought it was fitting considering how _exposed_ you are too them."

"What does that mean?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. She turned around to find that Jax had moved into the kitchen and was gripping the back of one of the chairs. "Are you still fucking her?"

Jax's brows furrowed. "What – "

Vanessa groaned, her anger rising fast. "Don't act fucking dense. You know what fucking boney skank I'm talking about."

Jax stood up straighter, his face blank, and before he even spoke he confirmed it for her. "She say something to you."

"You're a goddamn asshole. I can't even go to the grocery store with _our_ sons without running into your _indiscretions._ " She felt her eyes becoming watery as she looked at Jax. He moved to come near her, but she put her hands up and drew more distances between them. She felt a headache building behind her eyes and she hated she even cared about who Jax was screwing. "I'm tired, Jax. I'm tired of being made a fool of because you won't sign the fucking papers."

She didn't fight him this time when he drew her into his arms and wrapped her tightly in a hug. She felt his lips against the crown of her head. She was glad he didn't voice his sorry as she honestly didn't want the repeat. She hated herself that she found some comfort in his hold. The smell of leather, oil, gunpowder, and cigarettes settled something in her and she realized she missed his smell. She missed the feel of him.

However, she realized other women knew what it felt like to hold and touch him, the feel of him inside them. They knew what he looked like naked and every placement of his tattoos. She wordlessly detached herself from him, disgusted with him and herself, before making it down to her bedroom where she shut the door.

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

Gemma watched from behind the blinds of the office as Jax smoked his hundredth cigarette of the day and it was only ten minutes past noon. She knew her son was in a foul mood. Gemma honestly felt she woke up knowing he was going to be in a sour mood after yesterday. So she wasn't surprised when she came, in the morning, to open the shop up to see him already working on some cars. She knew better to question it as she wasn't going to complain about work getting done and possibly getting ahead of schedule. It didn't take long to deduce his mood had to do something with Vanessa.

In the six years Jax had been with Vanessa, she had come to know very well when the two were going through a disagreement. Her son would put up this cold front where everyone got fucking burned. The only reason he was probably pissed was because Vanessa most likely getting the upper hand on him in an argument.

Gemma could admit she honestly didn't mean to start anything between the two, when she told Vanessa about Abel's attitude over the weekend. She thought Vanessa should have known, considering she was trying to send her grandbaby to a head shrink, something she was against. However, Abel was one to never give lip or be disrespectful to anyone, especially his family. Vanessa was a good mother and was raising her grandson to be a respectful young man. So she really didn't think of it when she told her how Abel threw a temper tantrum.

She didn't think something like that would cause them to get into even more of a funk. However, she did receive a phone call yesterday where Luann dropped the dime on her son, unknowingly of course. Sometimes she wondered how she raised such a dumbass for a kid. She knew Vanessa had kept her legs locked from Jax since he moved back in the clubhouse. It was a tactic that Vanessa surprisingly didn't use a lot like other old ladies. Vanessa, in the past, used it effectively. It was never about control, but proving a point. It was a fine line that Vanessa managed to master unlike most. However considering the nature of the separation of her son and daughter in law, it wasn't effective. She knew realistically her son would never _stop_ having sex, for a whole year at that, and she even suspected Vanessa knew that. Yet, her son could have some common sense in at least indulging in road pussy away from home and not porn pussy, the same porn pussy, that got him kicked out the house to begin with.

Gemma grabbed her cigarette and sunglasses as she walked out of the office and over to where her troubled son sat sulking. At least she knew where Abel got his attitude from and she knew Jax and Abel got that from JT. Jax gave her a nod as a greeting, but kept his lips occupied with his cigarette.

"Trying to become Lenny?" She quipped as she thought about John's former Sergeant in Arms, who was recently diagnosed with throat cancer from his 3 pack a day smoking habit. Jax looked at her blankly as he pushed some smoke out his nose. She could tell he barely got any sleep. She was tempted to tell him to go to sleep or better yet grovel to Vanessa for some forgiveness or pussy.

Gemma lit her own cigarette. She eyed him critically in his cut that proudly displayed him as President. With the motorcycle accident, nearly two years ago, that nearly took out her old man, because of his hands, Clay relinquished the reigns of President to her son. He had been handling the transition well even with the dark cloud that had been hanging over his family for nearly a year. She wished her son wouldn't have to know the pain he was feeling. As a mother she wished she could have protected her son from every feeling that meant him harm. And this pain she was quite familiar with.

His silence didn't bother her. Taking another hit from her cigarette, she decided to get to the real reason she's over here, "Fight with Vanessa?" She knew she hit the jackpot as his nostrils flared the telltale Jax Teller sign of his anger. Even though she already knew why they were at odds, she couldn't help but be disappointed in her son. She had no problem in letting him know either, "What did you expect going to Cara Cara?"

Jax squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ma – "

She threw her barely smoked cigarette on the ground as she lowered her voice. Despite wanting to rip him a new asshole, she still respected her son as a patch and they were in public. She lowered her voice, "You're not on a run, Jackson." She pointed out despite it being blaringly obvious.

As much as she loved her son and would look over everything for him, she loved her son when he was happy. And he was happy with Vanessa and his boys. Vanessa was different from most notably Tara. Despite Vanessa being an outsider, she never pulled her son in twenty different directions. She never lived in ignorance or made her son feel ashamed for whom and what he was. It took a special type of woman to put up with this life and she wasn't about to let her son ruin one of the best things he had in his life.

"Ma, I really don't need this." He growled at her with a clenched jaw.

She was willing to continue her tirade that she had been giving Jax and Vanessa for over a year. She knew she had better luck in getting through to her thick headed son. She wished him and Vanessa would get out of this funk and become a real family again for the sake of her grandsons.

Gemma forced her son to look at her. She recognized the same tortured blue eyes being on his father almost 20 years ago. "What happened, Jackson, was hard. There isn't a proper way to get through it, but we'll get through it." _As they did before_ , she wanted to add. She pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek, she personally wanted him to trim his shit, but she knew Vanessa liked his facial hair. "I love you, baby."

His torture eyes cleared slightly as he grabbed her hand, "I love you too, ma."

* * *

 

"I don't want to go to Grammy's and Grandpa's." Abel pouted as Vanessa strapped Thomas into his car seat. She and the boys were heading over to her parent's house for their weekly family dinner. Vanessa wouldn't admit it aloud to her son that she didn't want to head over to her parents' either, considering she got tired of them haggling about her relationship with Jax. She would have brushed off Abel's comment as him just having a moment, but he had been having a lot of these moments of disinterest with everything and everyone. The only reprieve was maybe that his attitude wasn't reserved only for Jax. It made her feel slightly better as the last thing she wanted was for her sons to view their father a certain way despite her own personal conflicts with him.

"Abel, why don't you want to go?" Her son sighed as he looked at her with his sky blue eyes. Sometimes she got irritated with how much her boys looked like their father.

He scrunched his nose at her. "Grammy's smell hurts my nose."

Vanessa snorted as it was true her mom wore strong perfume. "Well baby just don't tell her that."

* * *

 

As expected, dinner was a quite an affair.

Vanessa loved her parents. She really did. But she realized her parents were very concerned with image in their small town. Matthew and Annabeth Givens were both born and raised in Charming. They were somewhat high school sweethearts, but according to her father, her mom made him work for her attention. Her parents had been together for over 30 years. Sadly, she was the only child out of the marriage as her mother suffered from many miscarriages until she was born. And her mother's pregnancy with her was a rough one. They called her their miracle baby.

She understood why her parents would be more overbearing and involved with her life especially her mother, but now it was exhausting. And now they tried to intervene in her marriage quite frequently. It was already tiresome that she had Gemma already meddling.

Her parents were not thrilled at first when she began seeing Jax. Her father had history with the club considering the club provided protection to the small town business owners. Her father happened to own the local butcher shop. Her mother had a hard time warming up to Jax even though, surprisingly, she got along amicably with Gemma, to a point. Growing up in Charming her mom and Gemma went to school with each other and were amicable enough.

It was due to her parents that she and Jax got married. Her mom was a devout Catholic or at least tried to be. Not even a year into her relationship with Jax, she found herself pregnant with Abel. On top of doubting her relationship with Jax, as everything was happening too soon, and wondering how the hell her birth control failed her, she also had to deal with her mother. To save face among her friends, Annabeth made it vocally clear that she wanted her grandson to not be born out of wedlock. Vanessa wasn't sure she wanted marriage considering she was 23 at the time and recently got a full time job at Pilgrim Grove. Vanessa was surprised that Jax even listened to her mother's rant and gave a decent proposal.

Despite the shotgun wedding, she and Jax did have a good marriage until recently. In those 6 years of marriage, her parents had grown to adore Jax, which she was starting to hate.

She had a feeling however those feelings were more so from Jax going out of his way in sharing the wealth he made from the club to her parents, especially her father. Jax had invested in her father's business and presented her parents with so many vacations that she suspected he did it so they didn't have to go to these family dinners. Her parents were people that could only be handled in small doses.

As she listened to her father drone on about Jax's absence, she wished she would have taken advantage of Abel's reluctance of wanting to come tonight. She could have used Abel or Thomas as an excuse to not come, she could have said one of them were sick. She thought her parents have beaten Gemma in giving her Pro-Jax speeches. She didn't know how they could even have so many variations of speeches for Jax.

"All I am saying Vanessa is your sons need their father." Her father said before taking a sip of beer with his veiny hands. Her father used to be a burly man from hauling and cutting meat. However, the years hadn't been kind to him as it seemed he got frailer each time she saw him. Her father was an average looking man in his youth with thick black hair and hazel eyes. Vanessa didn't think she inherited anything from her father besides his dark hair.

"I'm not keeping them from him, dad. Jax sees them all the time." She said tightly as she stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth. Despite wanting to chop Jax's dick off, she would never be that woman that would use her boys as a pawn or forbid their father from seeing them because she was mad.

"Still, the boys see something is wrong. The man needs to be in the house. How long do you plan to keep this up? He made a mistake." Her father sprouted in between his mouth full of food.

Vanessa's eyes widen and she looked at her father in disbelief. _A mistake._ She wondered how Jax sticking his dick into a woman who wasn't his wife was exactly a mistake. She looked over to her mother for her to say anything, but she was too busy cutting her small piece of General Tso Chicken. She couldn't believe her Catholic mother would condone cheating. Then again she guessed cheating was better than divorce in her mother's religious eyes. But she at least thought one of her parents would be on her side providing some type of support. She shuttered thinking about what would happen if she and Jax finally did get a divorce that would stain the family.

"Can we please stop talking about this in front of the boys?" She snapped at her father as she didn't hide the glare she sent his way.

Her father looked at her surprised and she didn't even try to mask her annoyance that her father was on her husband's side than hers. _How fitting_. Vanessa glanced at her boys where Abel sadly was watching with curious and attentive eyes. Thomas, however, was busy eating his food.

"Abel, how is soccer going?" Her mom asked trying to break the tension which was a little too late.

Vanessa leaned back in her chair and gulped down all her wine wanting dinner to be over. She was lucky Abel and Thomas were fast eaters for the first time.

* * *

 

Later on, Vanessa stood next to her mother as she helped her clean the dishes from dinner. Vanessa was content in performing the mundane task in silence so she could make a quick exit and go home, but her mom had other plans.

"Your father means well." Annabeth defended.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. Annabeth would always defend her father. Her mother probably considered it the duty of a wife. Her mother seemed perfectly content in keeping the gender role of meek doting wife. Sometimes she resented her mother for always putting others before her. Her mom never did anything for herself; it was always for the best of others. Growing up, her parents weren't unhappy, but it wasn't as if they _were_ happy. She thought her mother settled for her father. It seemed that once she left and went off to college they lost any reason in trying to be a married couple. She noticed her mom had become more active in clubs and was doing her own thing. Probably to get away from her father, her mother would never leave her father, but if she did, she didn't think her father would survive an hour.

Sometimes she felt guilty her mom was tied down to someone like her father. Despite being 55 years old, her mom still looked as if she was in her 30s with her long wavy blonde hair and brown eyes. Her mother still possessed her youthful figure much as Gemma had. She could probably divorce her dad and find a new man in a week if she wanted. The only thing that was off putting was her personality. Then again the same could be said for her father. Maybe her parents were meant to be together.

"You two need to work it out for the sake of those boys." Annabeth pressed.

Vanessa placed a cup on the drying rack while she dried her hands hastily with the dish rag. She would have liked to find at least one person in Charming that would be on her side with no bias. The only person she had close to that was Donna. "Have you ever thought it would be better for my sons that Jax and I aren't together?"

Annabeth pursed her lips together. She was quiet for a few moments and even looked out into the living room making sure no one was listening to their conversation. "You knew the risks when it came to Jax, Vanessa. A leopard doesn't change their spots. I don't want a divorce tainting this family."

* * *

 

Vanessa closed the door to Thomas' room and was thankful that the boys went down easy tonight. After dinner with her parents, she was ready to soak in the tub and relax. Dealing with her parents was more frustrating than dealing with Jax's nasty murder of croweaters. She was getting ready to head to the bathroom when a knock came at the door causing her to freeze. She knew logically no one was brave enough to harm Jax Teller's family, but Jax didn't text her telling her he planned to visit and no one visited her home at 8 o'clock at night unannounced. It was sad to say Vanessa didn't have many friends. Her only friend in the last six years was Donna. Another impatient knock came from the door, scurrying to the door; she looked through the peep-hole.

Vanessa swung the door opened stunned, "Are you crazy!" She hissed as she looked behind Heath and hoped that no one was even witnessing this. More importantly that Jax didn't have a prospect doing rounds on the house.

Heath only shrugged his shoulders and went to bring her in his arms, but she brushed him off. "What are you doing here?"

Heath still held a mischievous glint in his eyes giving away he didn't hold the same panic she was feeling. "You seemed upset when you were texting me."

"My kids are home." She stated. It was left unsaid that Jax could have been here. But she knew Heath probably drove around the neighborhood a couple of times before parking and walking to her front door. She was tempted to throttle the man as being as reckless like this was how people got caught.

Heath stepped closer to her causing her to walk backwards into her house. His hands gripped her hips as he kicked the door to her house close. He brought her body flush against his front. "I'll be quick" He promised before capturing her lips.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Go Abel!" Vanessa shouted as she watched her son run across the field, the soccer ball in his possession. At first Vanessa was worried about Abel playing soccer or any type of sport considering his heart despite doctor's assurances he was fine. When Abel took an interest in soccer, she even insisted to the coach she would have liked him to be the goalie, however, Abel hated that position.

Despite her reservations, she looked forward to the biweekly games and she knew her son did too. It's almost funny to her, besides her, outlaw bikers all looked forward to Abel's soccer games as they cheered along with her for her son.

Despite her and Jax being separated, she still had a good relationship with all the guys despite her slowly isolating herself from that world. She knew the men would go to any length to protect her boys, but even Jax. With him being the president, she at least had some relief there were a group of men willing to die to protect her husband.

Even though she knew these men, despite their gruff and surly appearances that turn to putty when Abel brought out the puppy dog eyes, they still made imposing figures on the sidelines. People tended to avoid the section of the bleacher where they sat on and they were all too generous in throwing cagy looks there way. After six years being with Jax, she learned to ignore them in public for the sake of her children.

"Abel's getting good." Jax said proudly to her.

Vanessa looked up at Jax, who was still wearing his sunglasses. "Yeah, I know." She replied with a smile of her own. Jax smiled sweetly at her and she wanted to slap him for looking so handsome in his sunglasses on top of the beard that he was growing out. She knew he was growing that out purposefully.

"Ahh, ref that was a bullshit call!"

Vanessa eyes' snapped away from her husband's face to Tig, who was walking down from the top of the bleacher, where Bobby and Hap were holding him back from probably going to attack the referee. Vanessa rolled her eyes at Tig's theatrics mostly because somehow he found people who placed bets on adolescent soccer games.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the concession stand. You want anything?" Vanessa asked Jax when the game entered halftime. She watched as Jax went to stand up presumably to follow her or go get the food for her, but she placed her hands on his leather clad shoulders and kept him seated. "I got it Jax; just tell me what you want."

Jax's eyes went from her feet and trailed up to her face and gave her a cheeky smile. "I don't think what I want they have on the menu, darlin." Jax replied cockily.

"Jax," Vanessa admonished lightly as she looked at him unimpressed and crossed her arms only giving Jax more of an eyeful, as it pushed up her impressive cleavage despite her not even wearing a V-Neck.

He only chuckled while his hands went into his pocket bringing out a wad of cash and handing her two $20 dollar bills. She hesitated in taking the money, but knew better than to make a fuss about it in public. Being with Jax, she knew when it was an appropriate time in picking where most of their battles took place.

"Get me a pretzel and a water, babe."

Vanessa nodded her head, ignoring the term of endearment, before asking if anyone else wanted anything. By the time she got everyone's order Filthy Phil and the Prospect Rat Boy were following her over to the concession stand to assist in carrying back the food.

* * *

 

"So how long do you have until you patch in?" She asked Rat Boy in line as the silence was killing her and she wanted to give him something to do like talk other than looking at her boobs.

Rat Boy's cheeks turned red as his eyes snapped up from looking at her legs and boobs. Phil even slapped him in the back of the head. "I have nine months to go."

"Long time to be stuck cleaning toilets and being on baby-sitting duty," She replied with a smile. She knew most prospects usually got stuck with her and the boys. With her and Jax's separation, she didn't find it that surprising that was the one thing that hadn't changed. She would find Rat Boy always outside on his bike waiting for her to go to work and help her with her mundane things like grocery shopping. It was only recently that Jax had relaxed the duties of her watchdogs.

"I find it an honor, Mrs. Teller, to watch over you and your boys." Rat Boy replied earnestly causing Vanessa's brown eyes to widen behind her Ray Ban sunglasses. Sometimes she still found it hard to accept her role in the hierarchy of the club and how the men do hold her in high esteem despite everything.

"Vanessa Teller." A syrupy voice called from behind her.

Vanessa turned around and found Brittany Davis walking up to her. Brittany was one out of the many housewives that had children who attended Pilgrim Grove. When Abel first started attending school, Vanessa tried to attend some of the parent meetings and to be involved in the extracurricular activities pertaining to Abel's grade. In doing that she met Brittany with bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, and fake tits. Her husband was some type of big deal marketing manager leaving Brittany alone with their two twin boys while he traveled.

Brittany was quick in trying to bring Vanessa into her mommy club. However, it didn't take long to see Brittany was only using her to entertain herself and her friends by constantly highlighting that Vanessa didn't have the most conventional lifestyle to them. When really Vanessa just didn't flaunt the wealth she did have being married to Jax, mainly because it was dirty money, and she just wasn't superficial. It also didn't help Brittany's sons were bad as hell.

Vanessa gave her a false smile, "Hi, Brittany."

She watched as Brittany eyed the two patches behind her before she focused back on her. "I see you are here with your husband."

Vanessa pursed her lips as she wanted to say Jax had attended all of Abel's game so far in the season and even if they did have a heated argument not even ten minutes before Jax and her would still sit next to each other giving the fake illusion of a united front.

"Oh I'm sorry; I didn't mean to overstep some boundaries. It's just the girls and I noticed you two seem to be working things out." Brittany added after a lack of response from her.

"One day at a time," Vanessa mused as she wondered where the hell the conversation was going.

"I see, but the reason I came over is the other mothers and I would appreciate if your _family_ would tone it down on the vulgar language. That type of behavior may be okay in your household, but in public there are impressionable minds. You being a teacher should know that."

Vanessa brows furrowed as she watched Brittany quickly walk away not even giving her a chance to reply.

"What a bitch," she heard muttered behind her from Rat Boy.

"I know." Vanessa confirmed.

"Does she know her husband is placing bets right alongside Tig?" Phil asked.

Vanessa laughed before she moved up in line to the register giving the teenage worker her order.

* * *

 

Jax tried to listen to Matt, Vanessa's father, tell him about something related to his butcher business. At this point, Jax was ready to go home and celebrate Abel's team win, making the little league undefeated. But the real reason he was only paying half attention to his father in law was because his eyes were zoned in on Vanessa talking to Abel's coach, Heath.

He normally wouldn't pay attention to Vanessa talking to Abel's coach considering he was that exactly Abel's coach _and_ her coworker at school. However, he couldn't ignore the feeling that was making the hairs on his neck stand up to pert attention.

Jax wasn't bias, but he knew his wife was fucking beautiful. She had an hourglass figure that was exaggerated by two pregnancies. As he could admit, Vanessa always had an ass, but her boobs had jumped from a C cup to a D cup. Now with her black hair cut, it showed off her face more that was usually hidden and simple details about her like her full lips where her bottom lip was slightly bigger. Better yet, even with her catching your attention with her looks, she kept it with her brain.

So as he looked at his wife, who was wearing white jeans shorts that in his opinion were dangerously close to exposing her ass if she bent over, and a fitted t-shirt that contain Abel's name and jersey number, he didn't like how close she was standing to Heath. He didn't even remember why she went over there to talk to him, but it had been over five minutes.

Besides them smiling at each other, Jax could tell when a man was enamored with his wife. The man couldn't even stop himself from having his eyes dipping below her face. Jax was tempted to go over there himself, but considering him and Vanessa weren't exactly on good terms, he knew if he caused a scene he would never hear the end of it.

As they must have felt his eyes on them, Vanessa looked over in his direction and must have said goodbye to Heath as she began walking back over to where he was standing next to her father. He went to ask her what their conversation was all about but his mom and Clay, with Abel and Thomas in tow, interrupted. Thomas immediately wanted to be transferred into his arms. Jax thought his son was becoming a little too comfortable always being carried around.

"You're coming over to dinner tomorrow?" Gemma asked Vanessa. Even though she asked, Jax knew she really wasn't and his mom put her on the spot on purpose and Vanessa had no choice by yes.

"Of course, Gem," Vanessa replied evenly.

"You and Anna are invited too, Matt," Gemma added on out of courtesy. Jax hoped they would turn down the offer.

"We'll see." Matt said not voicing a commitment.

Gemma nodded and pressed a kiss to Vanessa's cheek and then his own, Thomas', than Abel's before leaving with Clay and some of the guys.

"Hey, we should all go out to lunch." Matt suggested as he smiled at Jax.

"Dad, Jax – " Vanessa began and it didn't take a genius to know she didn't want him there. Yet, he felt it had to do with the fact her dad and mom would be there. The only thing Opie ever passed onto him that Donna shared in confidence was that Matt and Annabeth were giving her a hard time about their separation.

"Isn't busy right?" Matt inserted cutting Vanessa off. "It's Saturday and a nice day to spend time with his family."

Jax sent an apologetic look over to Vanessa as he replied. "I can spare a few hours."

* * *

 

Thomas, who abandoned his chair ten minutes into lunch, was sitting in his father's lap as Jax tried to pay attention to Matt talk about the possibility of opening more locations for his butcher shop. Jax listened attentively while offering his advice when it was due, but his main concern was Vanessa, who was forced to sit next to him as she sipped on her Sprite slowly.

Jax was tempted to hold her hand to assure her everything was fine, but he knew he was the reason she was suffering through the lunch. Jax thought Matt would stop talking as their food arrived and he would be occupied stuffing his mouth. However, there was no such luck especially after Vanessa actually spoke for the first time.

"Jax," Vanessa said softly. "Thomas needs to sit in the high chair to eat."

Jax looked over to his wife and nodded his head and placed his youngest in the chair next to him much to the boy's displeasure. Jax placed a kiss on the boy's brown hair and was able to distract him with French fries.

Matt, of course, had to add his two scents. "See look at that Van, look how much Tommy is clinging to him. The man of the house needs to be home and taking care of his responsibilities. The boys miss him."

Jax's eyes flickered over to Vanessa and knowing his wife her subtle tick of the jaw showed her anger as she took a sip of her pop not bothering to give her father a reply.

Jax decided to speak up. "Matt, even with me not home, Nes is raising the boys well and I see them every day. But that's between us."

"I didn't mean anything by –" Matt tried to rectify.

"I know, Matt" Jax said calmly, "but Nes and I are doing good with the co-parenting. Your daughter is an amazing mother."

Thankfully, Matt didn't say any more on the matter and Annabeth decided to talk about Abel's performance in his soccer game.

* * *

 

Jax carried a sleeping Thomas into the house and into his bed tucking the boy in his Paw Patrol fleece blanket. He checked on Abel who was removing his shoes and socks before Jax walked into the kitchen where Vanessa was drinking a glass of water.

He stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as he looked at the back of his wife. "I'm sorry about your dad."

Vanessa placed her cup in the sink as she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm used to it." She told him as she turned and faced him. There was a small sad smile on her lips as she looked at him.

Jax couldn't help but think he was a lucky man to have a wife that was a beautiful as her. He was still unsure of how he even managed to catch her attention.

"You shouldn't have to deal with that." Jax said truthfully.

Her sad smile was erased as she looked at him skeptically. "I'm surprised you're not using this to your advantage."

Jax chuckled and shook his head. "I don't need anyone fighting my battles, Nes. Besides, the only reason we're here is because of me."

Vanessa whiskey eyes connected with his blue ones for a few second before she looked away. She focused her gaze on her fingers that were noticeably bare of her rings. "I wouldn't put the blame all on you, Jax."

"Can I have juice, mommy?"

Jax whipped his head to Abel, who was walking into the kitchen, out of his soccer uniform, oblivious to the conversation that was taking place between his parents.

"You're missing something in that sentence buddy." Jax said looking pointedly at his son.

"Can I have some juice, please?" Abel repeated.

"That's better." Jax praised as his hand rested on top of his oldest son's head while Vanessa made work pouring Abel a glass of juice. "You played good today son."

Jax watched as Abel beamed up at him. Jax believed his son would have a big ego by the time he was in high school if he continued with soccer. "Coach said that too. He says when I get older I could go to college and play."

Jax raised his eyebrows and looked towards Vanessa who had a tentative smile on her face as she handed Abel his cup. "Really? What else does Coach say?"

Abel took a small sip of his juice as he looked up at his father. "He thinks we will win the championship."

"I think so too, buddy."

"Yeah, but I don't like how Coach looks at mommy."

Jax's eyebrows skyrocketed to his hairline and he risked a glance over at Vanessa, who looked equally shocked. Before either of them could ask what he meant by that Abel continued, "He's always smiling at you mommy like Daddy does."

Abel was his father's son.

* * *

 

Vanessa was setting up the dining table at the Teller-Morrow household while the other ladies were in the kitchen and the men and children were in the living room chatting and playing amongst each other.

Vanessa didn't mind coming to Gemma's for the family dinner occasionally. However, after what Abel had said in her kitchen yesterday, in front of Jax, she wanted some distance from him. Jax hadn't commented on what Abel had told them, but she knew he was stewing in it.

But with Abel's words, she was beginning to question ever starting to see Heath. She knew deep down inside, pass her denial, that Heath probably liked her more than she probably anticipated. It was obvious as he was becoming bolder in their interactions. She knew she should have probably told Heath what Abel had said in front of Jax, but she thought it would be better to tell him in person. Vanessa was already vigilant in deleting her call logs and text messages from Heath as she wouldn't put it pass Jax to look through those things if he suspected anything. But she was going to be shit out of luck if he had Juice check.

"I'm surprised you came."

Vanessa looked over to where Donna was entering the dining room with the condiments for the food.

"Sometimes it's better to bite the bullet when it comes to Gemma."

Donna laughed lightly. "I know what you mean."

Vanessa bumped hips with her best friend. "You doing okay?"

Donna gave her a tight smile. Despite Donna and Opie being together for almost 15 years, Vanessa knew the petite brunette still struggled with the club's activities. Vanessa could tell Opie must have told her something earlier as Donna looked a little withdrawn. But Vanessa also knew that Donna still had trouble adjusting to not only being an old lady, but the Vice President's old lady. Vanessa felt terrible as since her and Jax separated, she sort of left Donna handling the club business on her own considering Vanessa sort of stepped back to distance herself from Jax. Of course, Jax still told her some things especially when he needed to vent to a third party about a big decision, but that hadn't happened in a while.

"I'm good. Opie and I…well I should say I expressed interest in Kenny and Ellie going to Pilgrim Grove." Donna revealed.

Vanessa brows furrowed. It was an open secret that most of the men didn't think to highly of the private school she worked at and where her boys would attend school. Out of respect for her, really, and Jax they kept their opinions to themselves. Opie would tease them that both of their sons would become some high end surgeons, but she knew both Jax's and Opie's worries came down to passing their legacy of the club onto their own boys.

"I was thinking it would get them both into Collegiate Academy for High School and have a better chance for scholarships for college."

"I see."

"I would ask for you to talk to him, but he might pull that _old lady_ crap on you. So you think you can ask Jax to talk to him."

Vanessa smiled at Donna, "Of course."

"Vanessa Teller, my god does your ass look great in those jeans."

Vanessa jumped with she felt someone goose her ass. Turning around, she found Luann already giving her a hug.

"It's good to see you too, Luann."

Luann broke away from her and didn't hide the fact that she was appraising her body, especially her boobs. "If you weren't Jax's old lady…" Luann mused causing Vanessa to roll her eyes.

After six years, she had become used to Luann marveling how well she could sell in the porn business. At first, she found it annoying until she just got to know Luann's personality. Jax had always found it amusing, but she thought it had to do more with the fact she was a "desirable item" and it boasted his ego that he managed to marry her. "Seriously, I like the new haircut." Luann leaned closer to her lowering her voice, "I'm ashamed to admit it, but it seems the separation is doing you good. But I think that's the point." Luann winked at her before walking away to the kitchen, but not before tapping her in the ass again.

"Sometimes I think Luann wants to bone you more than Jax." Donna said.

Vanessa rolled her eyes at her friend, who only laughed, while Gemma announced dinner is ready.

Jax was carrying a happy Thomas while he escorted her to her car after dinner. Abel was a few steps ahead of them ready to go home and go to sleep.

"Did you know Donna wants to send Kenny and Ellie to Pilgrim Grove?" Vanessa asked Jax.

"Opie mentioned in passing they were talking about it." Jax revealed.

"Well can you talk to him about it?" Vanessa implored and snuck a glance at Jax. "Donna just wants their children to have opportunities Jax."

"Babe – "

"Jax, please," Vanessa pleaded interrupting him throwing a pout in. "Donna would really appreciate it and so would I."

She saw any opposition die on his lips as a resigned smile came over his face as he looked at her. "Opie's main problem is that school is expensive as shit. At least Abel goes there for free."

"It's not like you guys don't make enough to cover it."

"Do you really think Donna wants to use _that_ money for that."

"At least it will go towards something good."

"I can't promise anything."

Vanessa smiled, "Thank you."

It's quiet while Abel opened the door to the car and motioned he wanted as little assistance as possible in buckling himself in. Jax strapped down Thomas who went from happy to sad as he realized they were leaving Jax. Vanessa couldn't watch the scene as Jax soothed Thomas. She heard Jax tells his sons goodbye before he shut the backdoor and stood next to her where she was leaning against the driver's side door.

"Thanks for coming, Nes." He said gratefully.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It wasn't a big deal besides its nice not having to cook once in a while."

"Tomorrow, I'll stop by the house before their bedtime."

"Alright." Vanessa told him as she looked up at him where he was staring down at her to intimately for her liking and definitely too close. Vanessa moved to get in the car and created some distance between the two. She quickly strapped on her seatbelt and started her car. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jax only nodded his head as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Vanessa turned around to look at her boys, "Say bye to your daddy."

Choruses of goodbyes erupted from her backseats. She spared one last glance at Jax before she pulled out of Gemma's driveway and headed home.

* * *

 

Jax walked back into his mother's house where he found Bobby, Clay, and Piney sitting on the couches in his mom's living room. They all were looking at him with smirks on their faces. "What?"

"You and Vanessa working things out?" Bobby asked as he took a hit from the blunt in his hands and offered it to Jax which he declined as he sat down next to him.

"Well we've went four days without arguing," Jax mumbled as he shrugged.

Piney cackled in his seat with his Tequila clutched firmly in his meaty palms. "Shit, ya'll don't even live together what the hell can you two even argue about."

"You'd be surprise." In the beginning he firmly believed Vanessa could start an argument with an empty house when they first started living together.

"Well I'm glad she came or I would have heard your mom bitching and moaning about Vanessa pulling away from the family," Clay added as he took a toke from his cigar.

Jax didn't say anything because at the end of the day Vanessa was still pulling away from him.


	5. Chapter 5

Vanessa should have seen it coming. With the past weekend and attending the family dinner, she should have known that it would have some consequences. The first sign that something was off was early in the morning when she had to practically drag Abel out of bed as he refused to wake up and get dressed. She could usually work around that fact as it was an exhausting weekend and it probably wore him out. But when he stomped his feet to go brush his teeth, she knew something than exhaustion was plaguing her son. After she got Thomas ready, she went out to the kitchen where she left him eating a bowl of cereal, it was untouched.

Then too top it off, he even fought her in trying to take his medication, which was a rare occurrence.

These days she wished Jax was right at home so he could deal with his son.

With Abel's hand firmly clasped in her own, she walked him down to the morning day care that was run by Miss Harrison, Abel's schoolteacher.

Abel's hand immediately detached from hers and he went to the corner of the room away from the other children. He also ignored Miss Harrison.

Vanessa sighed and shot Miss Harrison an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. It's just one of those days."

"It's okay, Vanessa. Have you and Jax talked about having him seeing the counselor?" Miss Harrison asked her with a gentle smile. Miss Harrison had never been married and had no kids. Nearing 65, Miss Harrison was a well-respected teacher and mentor at Pilgrim Grove. Miss. Harrison was her teacher when she went to school. Miss Harrison also knew about Abel's increasing attitude problems as she was the one that brought it too Vanessa's attention that Abel wasn't handling the separation as well as she thought.

"Jax doesn't want to send him, but at this point I think I'm going to have to go against his wishes." Vanessa informed her.

"Maybe it would help if you brought Jax here and we all could talk about it. With the school year ending, this behavior could escalate in the summer."

"I know," Vanessa expressed sadly and as she rubbed her temples with her fingers, she became aware she was wearing her wedding bands. "Thank you for all your help."

"Hey," Miss Harrison grabbed her shoulders, "the good thing is there is help for this. Abel's not the first kid to go through parents who are trying to work out their marriage."

* * *

 

Vanessa made it back to her class room pretty quickly to begin setting up for homeroom and her classes for the rest of the day. She was writing her agenda for her first class who are also her homeroom kids when a knock came at her door.

Heath was on the other side. With a slight nod of her head, she beckoned him in already having a feeling what he wanted to talk about.

"I haven't heard from you all weekend," he started.

"You saw me on Saturday." Vanessa said softly.

She heard him huff and she honestly didn't want to deal with Heath and whatever they were at the moment. She capped her dry erase marker and turned to look at Heath, who was leaning against a desk. "Abel mentioned you to Jax and he notices your _behavior_ towards me."

Heath raised his dark eyebrows, "Behavior?"

Vanessa nodded her head at him as she clutched the marker in her hand even more aware of her rings digging impressions in her skin. "He notices a lot of things, Heath."

Heath crossed his arms, "Is that why I didn't hear from you?"

"No," she shook her head. "I was at Gemma's all day."

"For what?"

"She had a family dinner." She told him simply. A part of her didn't see the need for her to even tell him why. He didn't say anything but she noticed a dark look passed across his face. "What was that look for?"

Heath shook his head. "It's nothing." He told her as he pushed himself off the desk and came closer. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "I'll see you at lunch."

* * *

 

Vanessa was in the middle of teaching her class about adverbs when she was interrupted by the Vice Principle, Mr. Harper, knocking on the door with Miss. Harrison and Mrs. Conner, the 3rd grade math teacher, who had a free period at this time. Her stomach immediately dropped. She instructed her students to come up with a list of 10 adverbs and make a proper sentence for each as she followed Miss Harrison and Mr. Harper out in the hallway. Mrs. Conner took watch over the classroom.

"What's going on? Is it Abel?" Vanessa asked immediately.

"During recess, Abel got into a shoving match with a 1st grader, Spencer Davis, and threw a lunch box at him." Miss Harrison informed her.

Vanessa wanted to roll her eyes because of course Abel would get into a fight with one of Brittany's kid. "Is Spencer okay."

Miss Harrison gave her a sad smile. "Yes, it seemed Abel was aiming for his face, but luckily, considering the circumstances, it only hit him in the arm."

Mr. Harper spoke up. "Vanessa, the administrator is aware of the situation at home and we understand that Abel will have a hard time adjusting, but violence is intolerable at this school. Miss Harrison informed me that Abel's mood has been on a steady decline since the start of the school year. I think we need to discuss where we should go from here."

"Okay, I just need to call my husband."

* * *

 

Jax irritably felt out of place in the Principal's office at Pilgrim Grove surrounded by the Vice Principal, Miss Harrison, and Chloe, the school counselor, especially as they informed him about his own son's behavior, and without his kutte. Immediately when he saw Vanessa's name pop up on his cell, at this time, he knew something was wrong.

Vanessa was next to him, with a worried expression on her face, as she watched him digest what all of them were telling him about Abel's behavior. How his son's aggression has grown throughout the school year. Frankly it was pissing him off as not one person has said what caused Abel to shove a 1st grader and throw his lunch box. Better yet, he learned that the kid was Brittany Davis', and he knew how stuck up that family was.

Jax looked over at his wife than back to her co-workers as he asked, "Do you know what provoked Abel to shove the kid?"

"Jax –" Vanessa began, but he silenced her with a sharp look.

Chloe was the one to answer the question. "The matter at hand is the level of violence that was displayed."

"So you don't know what happened." Jax surmised. His eyes darted to all of them and he could tell they didn't or Abel hadn't specifically told them. Jax knew they were only having this meeting for a first infraction because Abel was _his_ son.

"Mr. Teller," Chloe began. Chloe was an older lady, he would say the same age as his mother but this lady didn't seem to care about appearances in her dull geometric dress. Her hair was in a severe bun where the grays were consuming her black hair. Her glasses, secured by black strips, were perched on the edge of her nose. Her dark beady eyes were staring at him intensely, he could see didn't think that highly of him and Vanessa wanted to send their son to this woman. "we have been aware of the transition at home. We think it's best that Abel talks to someone as it is evident he isn't able to express it healthily."

Jax was two seconds away from telling them all to go to hell when Vanessa abruptly stood up saying she would like to speak with him in private in the hallway. Knowing how well Vanessa knew him, she probably felt that he was seconds away from blowing up at her peers.

Jax followed his wife out into the deserted hallway where she immediately rounded on him. "What the hell is your problem?" She hissed at him, her finger jabbed at his muscular chest.

"I told you we're not sending him to a head shrink."

"He needs to talk to someone Jax." She said exasperated.

"For what, you guys don't even know what the hell provoked him." Jax snapped at his wife.

"Not everything needs to result in violence, Jackson. I've told you that our separation is hard on him –"

"Yeah, whose fault is that?" Jax interjected.

He watched as Vanessa staggered back as if his words physically slapped her. Her eyes widen with visible hurt and he wished he could take the words back.

"Are _you_ really blaming me?" Her voice was tight and Jax knew whatever he said next would start another war of words.

"Hey, everything okay here?"

Jax's head whipped in the direction of the voice. His nostrils flared and his mood soured instantly. Standing a few feet away was Abel's coach. Jax almost forgot the bastard worked at the school.

"Just having a conversation with my _wife_ ," Jax supplied with narrowed eyes.

The man didn't seem to accept his answer, which slightly pissed him off, as the man drew his attention to Vanessa.

Vanessa sighed and rubbed her forehead as she gave as false cheery smile to the man. "We're fine, Heath."

"Alright, I'll see you around then."

Jax watched as the man disappeared down the hallway before he turned to his wife. "Abel didn't say he was nosey."

Vanessa rolled her eyes at him and at least the anger wasn't a dominant in her eyes. "I need you take Abel home."

"Okay."

"Matter of fact, can you take him to the clubhouse? Neeta shouldn't have to deal with his attitude and when I get off work we can talk to him at home."

"Yeah, I'll take him to the clubhouse."

"And please don't let anyone talk to him before us."

Jax nodded his head knowing she really meant don't let his mother talk to him. "How are you?"

Vanessa looked at him questionably.

"What happened isn't going to hurt your standing with this place."

"I don't know. I mean Brittany I don't care about, but with my bosses it's a different story."

Jax hands caressed her cheeks and he was surprised she didn't pull away even when he bent down and pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'm sorry, darlin'."

* * *

 

"Daddy, am I in trouble?"

Jax looked down at his son as they walked out of Pilgrim Grove. Abel was quiet the whole time in the office while Vanessa and he signed him out and even while Vanessa explained he was going home. He only gave his mom a hug before grabbing his hand as if he couldn't wait to get out of school.

Jax knelt down as he looked at his son in the eyes. Sometimes it astounded him with how much Abel looked like him. "When mommy comes home we're going to talk about what happened today."

Abel frowned. "Are you and mommy mad at me?"

Jax placed his hand on top of his son's blonde hair, "We're not mad." Jax would say they were more upset than anything especially Vanessa. But he really wasn't mad at his son.

Abel didn't say anything, but silently got inside Jax's truck and buckled himself in.

"I want you to go and sit at the picnic table and start your homework," Jax ordered Abel as he helped him out the car.

"By myself?" Abel pouted.

Jax raised an eyebrow at his son. Vanessa already warned him how Abel weaseled people, the prospects, into doing his homework. "Skip the question, and if you still can't figure it out I'll come over to help you."

Abel was visibly unsatisfied as he scowled in a perfect imitation of his mother, but marched his way over to the picnic table. Jax lit a cigarette and made his way over to the office where he found his mom leaning against the doorway.

"He got into a shoving match with a first grader and threw a lunchbox at him." He told her once he reached her.

"Why?" His mom looked at him in surprised as she placed her hands on her hips.

Jax shrugged his shoulders as he took a long drag of his smoke.

"You don't know and _they_ sent Abel home?"

He could already see the cogs turning in his mom's head and he knew it wouldn't be good for anyone who got in the crossfire.

"Ma, when Vanessa gets off work we're going to talk to him." He shot her a look telling her to not to interfere. Gemma had already made her feelings known about Pilgrim Grove and the last thing he needed was Vanessa and her at each other's throats because it was hell for everyone.

"Well I imagine Vanessa isn't too thrilled her baby boy throwing punches even though she should be glad she isn't raising a vegan pussy." Gemma replied evenly.

Jax shook his head at his mother before heading back over to Abel who somehow had Clay and Piney sitting down next to him

* * *

 

Vanessa and Jax had Abel seated at the kitchen table in their home. Thomas was thankfully occupied by his favorite movie at the moment, _The Lion King_.

"Baby, you need to tell us what happened." Vanessa said to Abel as she stood behind Jax who was sitting in the chair opposite of their son.

Abel's blue eyes flickered between his parents before they settled on the blue denim of his jeans. He had been trying to ignore Spencer Davis as he was eating his lunch. But since the beginning of the school year Spencer, his brother, and his friends were always saying mean things about his mommy and daddy. Finally he had enough and pushed the kid who immediately pushed back and he didn't give it a second thought as he threw his lunch box at the kid.

Vanessa could tell Abel was reluctant to answer. "You won't get in trouble, baby, but you need to tell us what happened."

"What's a porn star?" Abel asked slowly as if he made an effort to remember the word.

Vanessa's eyes widened and she even saw that Jax tensed, but he didn't spare a glance her way.

"Where did you hear that word?" Jax asked as Vanessa felt like she lost all ability to talk. "You can tell us buddy."

"Spencer said daddy messed around with a porn star and that's why you're not here. He said you were a bad man daddy and that mommy was stupid that why we lost Sophia." Abel blurted out to his parents and his eyes darted back and forth between them before they settled on Vanessa. "Mommy, I sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." Abel wailed when he saw the tears that were streaming down his mother's cheek before she left the kitchen all together.

Jax moved from his seat as he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He already blamed himself for putting Abel in this situation. Vanessa from the start had always been distrustful of him and the club being involved in the porn business even if it meant helping Luann. Then he did sleep with a porn star. "Abel, you can't hit people –"

"But – "

Jax gripped Abel's shoulder and he tried not to feel like a hypocrite while he talked to his son. "I know what the kid said made you angry, but sometimes it's better to walk away. You understand that."

Abel nodded his head before he looked up at him with glossy eyes. "Is mommy okay?"

"Go check on Thomas for me while I check on your mother."

Jax helped Abel out of his chair and watched as he went into Thomas' room.

Jax stood up and rubbed his hand down his face trying to compose himself before checking on Vanessa. He removed his kutte and placed it on the back of the dining room chair before he made his trek down the hallway. He planned to go to the master bedroom where he suspected Vanessa would be, but stopped when the one door to the house that was never opened was wide open.

Vanessa stood in the middle of the room. He could tell she was crying as her body was hiccupping. She was fighting hard to control the sobs. If there was one thing he hated more than anything it was seeing Vanessa crying. It brought the same effect it had when his boys would begin crying. He hated for his family to feel any type of pain.

None of them ever venture to this room. He only knew Neeta was the one to keep the room clean and free from dust when neither of them was home. The room was a pale pink with accent of greys. Vanessa was unsure about going pink, but it was going to be their first girl. The first baby they had actually planned. Abel and Thomas weren't mistakes. Abel was a genuine surprise. Jax could admit he was scared when Vanessa told him she was pregnant as it was so soon in the relationship and Jax didn't have babies on his mind. He and Vanessa planned on having another baby and discussed it seriously after Abel's birth, but Vanessa wanted at least a year before they seriously considered having more kids considering the family flaw Abel inherited. But when Abel was a little over a year, Vanessa was showing him a positive pregnancy test. This baby was planned as after Thomas, Vanessa hit a strange case of baby fever and as soon as she pushed Thomas out she was already planning more. He knew Vanessa didn't care if it was a boy or girl, but he wanted a girl. Jax wouldn't admit it aloud, but the boys were spitting images of him besides Thomas having Vanessa's hair, and he wanted a kid – a daughter – that would be the spitting image of Vanessa, a little girl with black hair and brown eyes.

Sophia Noelle Teller was the name they had picked and it was written on the walls in painted wood letters above the white crib. A crib his baby girl never got to rest in.

Vanessa was a little over 6 months pregnant when he got that phone call on a run that she had suffered a miscarriage.

He thought the image would forever haunt him of Vanessa pale and distraught in the hospital as she mourned the loss of their daughter. He could never forget the haunted look in her whiskey eyes as she clutched onto him, tears staining her face when he finally arrived at the hospital. They told them stuff like that just happened. Despite the pregnancy being relatively smooth, things just happened.

She was getting a bowl of ice cream for her and Abel when the cramping erupted in her stomach and then the blood trailed down her legs. Abel had to witness the scene of his mother losing his sibling in their kitchen. Jax would never forgive himself for not being there.

He didn't think their marriage would have ever recovered from the loss of their daughter, considering the depression that he could admit fell over both of them. It got to the point where he knew Vanessa was so low she almost used him to get pregnant again to replace the child they lost. Jax could admit he even toyed with that train of thought, but knew it was wrong. After she tried to do that to him that was when the marriage took a turn for the worst, as Vanessa stopped talking to him. She stopped communicating with him. He could admit as she pushed him further away, he did stray. Someone else was willing to take care of him. Someone wanted him. He knew it was fucked up. He knew it was as soon as he took Ima to bed.

And he knew Vanessa would never forgive him for that. But it felt like she forgot that he was grieving the loss of a child too and he resented her for that.

He would never forget the devastation that took over her face as she saw him lying in bed, naked, with Ima standing in the doorway of the bathroom with his shirt on. He knew he betrayed the trust she had given him.

He wondered how his parents got through it with Thomas. He felt the loss as a brother and until now he never realized the loss they felt as a parent. He understood how Thomas' death changed his father.

There wasn't even a category or name to label the pain that constantly made him ache inside. They had names for kids who lost their parents, and spouses who lose their loved ones, but nothing for parents who lost a child.

Jax entered the room slowly and he reached out to pull her into his arms, but she shrugged him off. Always wanting to put distance between them.

"Nes," he said softly as he reached for her again to which she didn't fight. He brought her into his chest where he clutched her tightly as her dam broke as he felt her hot tears dampen his shirt. His left hand weaved into her hair as he cradled her head while his lips ghosted over the silk strands. "I'm sorry." He told her, his voice hoarse and brittle.

But he meant it. He was sorry for everything. He was sorry for the loss of their child. All the pain he put her through from the bruised backs and bloody shirts he came home with. The threat of jail time because of the risk of what the club did always hanging over their shoulders. He was sorry for being the man he was. "I'm so sorry, Nes."

She wrapped her arms tight around his waist like he was her lifeline and a part of him wanted to believe it.


	6. Chapter 6

Jax watched his mom tend to her cockatoo while Clay sipped on his coffee while he read the morning paper. It was the morning after Abel's incident at school, and after spending the night at his home, he decided to head straight to his mom's house. His mom didn't ask him what happened as he walked through the door. He knew she wanted to as he could clearly see it in her face. Instead, she decided to make him a decent breakfast for him and Clay and they had a quiet breakfast. He knew as soon as the last of his food left his plate his mom was going to begin the next inquisition.

"You spend the night with Vanessa and the boys?" His mom asked as she gave her bird some food. Her question even had Clay divert his attention from his paper to him.

The fact of the matter was he did spend the night in his house for the first time in a while. He didn't know how long he and Vanessa stood in Sophia's room until Vanessa cried herself into exhaustion. He got her into bed with no resistance where she took a nap until he woke her up for dinner with some greasy fast food from Lumpy's. He expected her to kick him out after putting the boys down for bed instead she let him stay _in_ their bed. Nothing happened, not that he expected something _to_ happen. But it was nice going to sleep with his wrapped in his arms for the first time in over a year.

He and Vanessa were woken up by Abel and Thomas jumping on the bed. Usually something like that would piss him off, but his boys were happy that he seemed to be home. Vanessa was quiet, however, and to not push his boundaries, he took a quick shower while Vanessa did her morning routine with the boys for school before he left to come here.

Jax gave his mom a look as he didn't know why she was asking something when she clearly knew the answer too. Jax took a long sip of his coffee before he spoke. "Abel got into a fight with Spencer Davis." He started and he watched his mom's face scrunch up as they were all aware about the Davis' reputation. "Spencer was saying things about me and Vanessa and Abel reacted."

"What the hell did the little shit say?" Gemma asked hotly.

Jax sighed as he placed the coffee mug down. "It doesn't matter."

"The hell it does." Gemma snapped, the peaceful mood dissipating, "I told Vanessa not to send your son to that pompous school with those stuck up bitches."

Jax groaned as he felt a headache already forming behind his eyes. "Ma –"

"Isn't his mom that Brittany wench?" Gemma voiced aloud or more to Clay than him before her eyes narrowed back onto him. "You still planning to send _him_ to the head shrink?"

"Ma," Jax said sternly as his hands ran down his face. He was only telling his mom as a courtesy as if he didn't it would cause a bigger headache for him and Vanessa down the road. "He isn't going to the psychologist."

"Well what's going on, Jackson?" Gemma asked exasperated as she grabbed and lit a cigarette.

"That kid provoked him by saying stuff about me not living at home and…and Sophia." He watched his mom's face fall as she leaned back into her chair, her cigarette burning brightly in her grasp. Her face was unreadable for a few seconds before her blank mask came back up. She opened her mouth, but Clay beat her.

"You need to contain this shit Jax." Clay spoke up as he eyed him.

Jax was surprised his step father would say anything as he thought this would categorize as old lady business and this happened off the lot. But he knew Clay loved Vanessa as a daughter. Vanessa was the mother of his grandchildren. She was family. Vanessa was just not someone important to him, but his brothers loved her and would protect her as fiercely as him. He knew his brothers would never try to insert themselves in his business with Vanessa. Even though Vanessa wasn't just pussy, but his wife – his old lady – brothers minded their tongues. However, he knew what he and Vanessa were going through his brothers probably didn't like it as much as he did. So those simple words made him feel like shit.

Jax only nodded his head. Clay was telling him something he already knew.

* * *

 

Jax was thankful it was a slow day at the club. With Abel's incident still weighing heavy on his mind, he was grateful in being able to just make up his hours at TM and not worry about club business. Since staying at the clubhouse lost its appeal for the day; he followed his best friend home to his garage to assist in the bike he was currently restoring and to unload all the personal shit that had plagued him in the last day or so. It baffled him how the club and personal family shit could never both be operating smoothly. He wouldn't know what to do if shit went straight for once in his life at least since he became president.

He told his best friend about Abel's fight in school down to what instigated it and even the words about Sophia. Jax knew besides his club and mother, the only reason he got through the loss of his daughter was because of Opie. Opie had always been his rock through everything from when Thomas passed, Tara leaving him, and his whole relationship with Vanessa. Vanessa was his truth north, but Opie could be there right along with him. Jax hated to think about what would happen if he lost either of them.

Jax was leaning against Opie's counter in his garage, drinking a beer, while Opie worked on the spark plugs to his bike. He pulled back, grease staining his face, and tugged on his beard while he mulled over his words.

"Kids are smarter than we give them credit for," Opie settled on while he wiped his dirty hands with his rag.

Jax handed him over an open beer, "Ain't that the truth." Plus with having a teacher as a mom, he was sure his kids were even more advanced in some areas. Abel already was questioning authority with carefully worded questions.

Opie leaned against his work bench and took a long sip of his beer. "How's Van?"

Jax placed his beer on the counter and rubbed his face with his hands and took a deep breath. "Last night…she was hurt, ya know. She shut down. This morning, she acted like everything was fine like she always does."

"You stayed the night?" Opie questioned. Jax nodded his head. Opie released a humorless chuckle. "See that is your problem. You two have no boundaries."

Jax didn't get to respond as they were both distracted by Donna pulling into the driveway with the kids running out of the car. Kenny and Ellie ran into the garage greeting both Opie and Jax with hugs and kisses before they both dashed into the house on the pretense of watching their favorite TV show.

Jax pressed a kiss to Donna's cheek when she reached the garage, "Hey, D."

Donna responded with a soft smile. "I heard about Abel."

Jax wasn't surprised. Donna and Vanessa were thicker than thieves. "Everything?"

"Yeah, I talked to Vanessa during her lunch break." Donna revealed with a frown.

"She doing okay?" Jax hadn't spoken to her since she left to take Abel to school. If he would have called or texted her, she wouldn't have answered him anyways.

"You know her, her biggest lie is telling everyone she is fine." Donna said with a sad smile.

Jax huffed as he knew that was the truth. Vanessa wasn't emotionally stunted, but she tried to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. Some days he worried she was going to burn herself out. He was eternally grateful she had someone like Donna and they had their little spa retreats. His wife was Wonder Woman to him. He didn't know how she did it handling three Teller men.

But she did it flawlessly.

As he thought about Vanessa with her new haircut and how she looked immaculate in her black pencil skirt and fitted V-neck white long sleeve and black pumps. His brows furrowed as he thought about how other men looked at his wife according to Abel. "Hey Donna, what do you know about Coach Collins?"

Donna turned to him with a perplexed look. "Heath?"

Jax noted how everyone seemed to be on first name basis with this man. "Yeah, _Heath_ ," he said taking a long sip of his beer. He noticed Opie eyed him with a confused look.

"Not much besides being the coach for soccer and the gym teacher at Pilgrim Grove. He went to high school with us. He played football. Hung out with Hale. Why?"

"Just been hearing a lot about him lately." Jax supplied.

Donna didn't seem convinced, but she didn't question him further. "You staying for dinner?"

"Nah, I should probably head back to the lot."

"Jax, Vanessa has a faculty meeting after school today. Maybe you should go over there and relieve Neeta." He gave Donna a smile as she left the garage. At least someone was throwing him a bone.

As soon as Donna shut the door to the garage Opie rounded on him. "What's your fascination with Heath? Got something you need to tell me?"

"Fuck you," Jax said causing Opie to laugh. "On Saturday after Abel's game, he mentioned how Heath _looks_ at Vanessa."

Opie snorted as he went back to his bike. "Well what did you expect? It's common knowledge you two ain't together."

Jax's nostrils flared as he glared at nothing. "She's still my _wife_."

His Vice President looked at him as if he grew three heads. "When did being married stop you from getting a piece of ass?"

Jax threw his friend a hard glare and was seriously considering throwing a good punch at him to wipe the smirk off his face. He knew his friend had to be purposefully fucking with him.

Opie threw his hands up in a surrender motion continuing to play the devil's advocate, "Hey all I'm saying is women have needs too bro. And Vanessa is smart, beautiful – "

"Married," Jax interjected hotly. It seemed people forgot that her last name was _Teller_. She was the mother of _his_ children. In hindsight instead of putting the crow on her hip, he should have slapped it across her damn forehead.

"Men like that in women," Opie continued ignoring his interruption. "Someone will come along and appreciate her a lot more than you did."

"I thought you were supposed to be _my_ best friend," Jax muttered as he threw his bottle cap at him.

"Hey if you want someone to go blow smoke up your ass, go find a croweater or another brother."

* * *

 

Vanessa was closed to punching herself in the face as her initial plan was to leave Pilgrim Grove immediately after her faculty meeting. However, she left her phone of all things in her desk drawer making her trek back to her classroom. Usually Vanessa didn't care about staying a little late after school, but after Abel's incident in school and her own personal frustrations; she was waiting for the school year to be over. She was looking forward to having the summer off from teaching. Usually Jax and she got in small spats about her staying home and essentially be a proper old lady. Grabbing her phone, she threw it in her bag and making her way to the door, she jumped when she saw a figure standing in her door causing her hand to smack against her chest.

"Jesus Christ," she muttered.

"Sorry," Heath said with a strained smile as he stepped in the classroom. "I just wanted to check on you. You've been off the whole day."

"I just have a lot on my mind with Abel." She told him as went to leave her classroom. Vanessa also was avoiding him to avoid this inevitable conversation.

Heath stood in her way. "Is that it?"

Vanessa reeled back as she gripped the strap to her purse. "What else could there be?"

Heath rubbed his face with his hands in frustration. "What are we doing, Van?"

Vanessa ran her fingers through her short dark hair and shook her head. "Can we not do this right now? I have enough shit on my plate."

Heath looked at her at as if the words that came out of his mouth were pure torture to him. "I know Jax was at your house the whole night."

Vanessa's eyes widened before she put some more distance between the two of them. She was speechless and knew that she didn't need to defend herself. She felt anger bubbling in her gut. Anger wasn't something she truly really felt in over a year. "Jax _is_ the father of my children. What happened yesterday with Abel required his father in being there."

Vanessa was beginning to think Heath didn't understand that concept. No matter what, Jax would always be a part of her life as the father of her sons. Even if Jax, at a certain point, was a shitty husband, he was a good father. He was an attentive father considering his obligations to his club. She couldn't fault him for trying.

"It doesn't require you to wear your wedding rings and him spending the night over your place."

Vanessa felt irritation spike through her as he obviously was spying on her. It was bad enough Jax had prospects following her. But now a man who was essentially just a fuck buddy was keeping tabs on her.

Furthermore, she was ready to go home, and in the middle of her classroom, at the place that signed her checks, was not the place to be having this conversation. Mentally she made sure her voice was soft and placating as if she was talking to her boys or even a student. "Heath, I don't –"

"Do you even want a divorce?" He asked hotly interrupting her. "It's been over a year and you haven't done anything."

"If you're so unhappy then why don't _you_ leave?" Vanessa snapped. "I never promised you anything when we began whatever this is. I can't give you something I can't offer."

"And what can Jax offer you besides lies, violence, and prison sentences and you wonder why Abel is violent."

"Fuck you, asshole." Vanessa hissed before she pushed pass him and out of her classroom. She ignored him as he called out for her.

* * *

 

Vanessa didn't know whether if she was surprised or relieved to see Jax's bike in the driveway. There was the fact they didn't really discuss what to do exactly in regards to Abel's behavior at school. Vanessa didn't even know how to directly approach Abel because a part of her felt he was justified in shoving Spencer. She chided herself as she felt it was her time with Jax that would ever make her okay with any type of violence. A scowl over took her face as it made her think of Heath and his behavior and the words he spewed.

And it brought up what she has been pushing down about the fact she did let Jax sleep in bed with her last night. She didn't even know if it was a lapse in judgement, but she knew all it took was one moment like last night to change everything. Jax was a persistent and possessive man. He was also hypocritical. In the beginning, a part of her found it endearing that Jax was like that towards her. Just the mere thought of her showing a little bit of attention to some other man could throw him into a jealous rage. Now, after growing up, in the last six years and raising two boys she realized she wanted to be more than just the _property_ of Jackson Teller. Considering, the most irritably glaring fact, she had to deal with was club whores hanging all over Jax and she was supposed to deal with it, as after a while fighting over him lost its appeal when she had babies on her hips.

Vanessa brought her visor down and checked her face noting that her nose was red at the tip. She cursed aloud because it was her one visible tell that she was upset. Jax had managed to use that a lot when she would try to not let things affect her from his behavior. She practiced a few rehearsed smiles hoping to erase the exhaustion, at least in her eyes, before she flipped the visor shut and got out the car.

She entered through the laundry room from the garage and she was instantly greeted with the sound of her sons' laughter. She placed her purse and keys on the kitchen table before she walked to where Jax and the boys were laying on the floor playing around.

She watched as Jax whispered something to the boys before they both came running over to her clamoring to get in her arms. She even picked up Abel, who she knew was getting too big to carry. She placed kisses all over her boys' faces and went to place them back down except Abel clung onto her. Jax threw her a knowing look as they already discussed Abel was the epitome of a mommy's boy.

Jax stood up from the floor with a giggling Thomas in his arms.

"They let you into school wearing that?" He teased.

Vanessa rolled her eyes as Jax always had a comment about her outfits and how that influenced young minds. "Just be happy I don't jump ship and teach high school."

"Yeah well if they had teachers as hot as you I might've finished."

Vanessa didn't get to reply as Abel, whose head was resting on her shoulder, piped up. "Mommy's not hot, she's beautiful."

Both Jax and Vanessa laughed.

Vanessa placed a kiss on Abel's forehead, "Thank you baby."

She set him down and he seemed reluctant to let go, but he did as Thomas was free from Jax's hold. Vanessa removed her black pumps and ignored Jax's lingering stare as she moved to head into her bedroom. "You staying for dinner Jax?" She stopped and asked as she turned back to look at him.

He was standing at the end of the hallway and she saw as his eyes trailed from her bare feet until he finally reached her eyes, "Yeah, I'm staying."


	7. Chapter 7

Usually their Saturdays were peaceful. They left their families as early as 10 o'clock in the morning, trusting their respective partners to not burn the house down with their kids or somehow get arrested.

They got their nails done, go through the painful waxes, and even schedule the occasional massage, which with everyone going on in their lives now became a weekly thing.

The day always started with their nails, on both hands and feet. Donna usually got a simple manicure with a coating of the color she was feeling at the moment. Occasionally, she would get a French Manicure like Vanessa did, on most days, but considering Donna only worked as a dental assistant she didn't see the need to get have anything fancy on her nails. She knew as an old lady she needed to be concerned with some aspect of her appearance as Vanessa always looked immaculate. Sometimes she was jealous how well put together her friend seemed to be. Donna knew being with Jax was a lot. With Abel's behavioral issues and the limbo of her marriage, Donna knew Vanessa's wall was going to crumble eventually despite the outer appearance.

The first sign that Donna knew something was off with Vanessa was when she brought out a wad of cash. She knew that came from Jax. In all the years she has known Vanessa; it was like pulling teeth for her to use money that Jax would give her. Donna knew that most of the money was from unconventional means. She wasn't stupid or blind to the club and her husband's means of providing for her and their family. But these men, they were chauvinistic, Opie and Jax weren't as bad as most, but they still needed to feel like they were the man of the household. They supported that there old ladies did their own thing, but at the end of the day, they still needed, were reaffirmed, that they provided for their family. It wasn't as if Vanessa made a lot as a teacher working at Pilgrim Grove, she made a little more than most, but Vanessa made a substantial amount where these pricey expenditures at the spa weren't hurting her. It wasn't as if it was hurting Donna either, but she knew if she wasn't with Opie she couldn't afford it as a dental assistance with two kids.

So for Vanessa to blatantly to use the cash Jax would force her to take, which she thought he had stopped considering the push and pull, Donna knew something was off. Donna, being the friend she was, let it slide and ignored the urge to bombard her with questions. It was in the morning and maybe Vanessa needed a minute before voicing her thoughts. She let her friend continue the charade.

Now it was after lunch and they were enjoying a couple drinks, Vanessa was still quiet and her phone kept buzzing. She was half tempted to tell her friend to put her phone on silence, but she knew Vanessa never did, not with Abel's heart condition. But then whoever was trying to reach her was being persistent. At first she thought it was Jax, but even if Vanessa might have wanted to bash his head in, she never ignored his calls. She would answer at least once. Besides if it was him, Donna knew Jax would ride to the spa on his bike just to talk her for whatever reason. Vanessa was blatantly ignoring the person calling and texting her.

As she looked at her friend that feeling that Vanessa wasn't being honest with her about everything gnawed at her. She believed Vanessa told her everything that she could and could handle. Donna prided herself on not being like Gemma and making it her mission to meddle in Vanessa personal business, but something was bothering her friend which she felt entitled to at least know about.

After Vanessa sent the call to voicemail for the 10th time, Donna spoke up, "If you need to tell me something you can."

Vanessa looked at her silently, but Donna could see the turmoil written in her face. "I wouldn't want to put you in a difficult position, D." Vanessa said as she swiped away the notification of another missed call.

In her gut, Donna knew what it could possibly be about. Specifically in regards to what Jax asked her the other day. "Jax was over the house and he asked about Heath." Donna revealed.

Donna could say she never suspected anything about Vanessa and Heath. Donna could tell Heath was probably interested in Vanessa, like most guys. Vanessa was beautiful and with the common knowledge about the state of her marriage to Jax, men were brave in trying to approach Jax Teller's old lady, wife, and mother of his sons.

She didn't judge her friend for her indiscretion. Donna knew about Jax's past. He was a slut. Donna only knew two women that tamed the wandering dick of his. She also knew how hard the past year and a half had been on the Teller family. She knew how much Vanessa internalized things and focused on everyone else and in the long run forgot about herself.

Vanessa only nodded her head with a small smile. Donna knew she wasn't going to get anything out of her friend, yet.

"Well, there is something I want to tell you." Vanessa raised an eyebrow for her to continue. "Opie and I are thinking of trying for another baby."

Vanessa gave her a big smile before reaching over the table to give her a hug. "Oh my god, I was wondering when you and Sasquatch were going to pop out another one."

* * *

 

With Thomas with Gemma for the day, Jax decided to have just a day with him and Abel. The club knew only to bother him if the situation absolutely depended on him being there. He decided that the best way to bond with his son was to do the same thing he did with his father and what Opie tried to do with Kenny which was to restore a bike together. Since Abel was 5, he knew they couldn't do much, but they could start little things as acquiring parts and teaching his son about the tools and parts needed.

Jax already went ahead and found a turquoise 1992 Harley-Davidson Fat Boy that he thought would suit his son as his first bike. The bike was in pieces in a box, and in hindsight he believed he should have probably consulted Vanessa about this purchase. However, it would be almost 11 years until his son could even ride it.

Despite having the bike, and most of the material needed to restore it, the first thing he and Abel needed to do was clean the garage. Well at least his half, which was messier than he intended. Jax was decked in a wife beater and basketball shorts with Abel in similar attire as they threw junk into big black garbage bags and then into the bed of his truck. Jax issued them a little break with some water and some chicken salad sandwiches that Vanessa had left for them before she left.

"Daddy, are you coming home?"

Jax looked from his sandwich to his son and swallowed the large piece of sandwich lodged in his throat. Jax expected these questions eventually, but it was still hard to hear them from his kid and to verbalize an honest answer. "Not yet, buddy."

Abel frowned. "When?"

Jax sighed and he wanted to tell his son when his mother let him, but he wasn't going to blame Vanessa solely as to why he wasn't home. "Don't know."

Abel looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Are you and mommy still fighting?"

Jax placed his plate down and gave his son his full attention as he suspected this was going to turn into a full inquisition. Something Abel got no doubt from Vanessa and Gemma. "Abel, I did something that hurt mommy."

Abel looked at him pensively as if he was trying to decode what hurt meant. "Did you say sorry?"

Jax smiled derisively if his only knew how much he said sorry. "Of course."

"Did you mean it? Mommy says saying sorry isn't always enough." Abel said pointedly.

Jax looked at his son and wondered when his 5 year old began a guru in giving relationship advice. He patted his son on the head. "You want to take a quick detour to the store?"

* * *

 

Vanessa parked her Black Jeep Cherokee behind Gemma's Navigator. Her phone was still persistently buzzing in her purse. She could admit Heath's persistence today put a slight damper on her spa day with Donna. Then to top it off, Donna confirmed that Jax was suspicious about Heath and his relationship with her.

Vanessa wasn't able to sulk in her car for too long as she Gemma opened the door to her house with Thomas on her hip, cup in his small fist.

Vanessa smiled before getting out the car.

Gemma walked back inside the house with Thomas who was drinking greedily from his juice cup.

Vanessa couldn't help but feel she walked into a trap and Jax wasn't here for interference. Gemma placed Thomas on the couch where he was content to sit when Gemma walked into her kitchen motioning for her to follow.

"You've been avoiding me." Gemma started.

"I've been busy." Vanessa quipped. It wasn't as if it was a total lie. The school year was winding down for her and Abel, Abel was potentially going to have a busy schedule with summer activities she was signing him up for and she needed to start planning her summer accordingly. Then there was just the matter of her personal affairs between Jax and Heath that were draining her emotionally.

Gemma scoffed. "We let you send Abel to that pretentious school, but he isn't seeing a head shrink."

 _Let._ They, especially Gemma, didn't let her do anything. Vanessa's eyebrows drew together sharply. "Abel is _my_ son. I will do what I think is best for him." Vanessa replied hotly. She still couldn't believe that Gemma wasn't over Abel going to Pilgrim Grove and it's been two years. She thought Gemma forgot on occasion she was only the boys' grandmother.

Gemma laughed sardonically. The biker matriarch pushed her bangs out of her face as she looked pointedly at her. "What's best? What's best for those boys is letting Jax back home where he belongs."

Vanessa shook her head. The last thing she wanted to deal with was Gemma in one of her overbearing modes when it came to Jax, Abel, and Thomas. Vanessa didn't even know which was worse when Gemma was overbearing when it came to Jax or the boys. All Vanessa knew was she didn't like to deal with either. And she wasn't. She didn't bother in giving Gemma any answer and she went to leave the kitchen, but Gemma's voice stopped her.

"JT he did the same thing with Thomas," Gemma revealed softly. "I was angry. Broke the croweaters nose with a bottle, I believe. It was cathartic, but I wouldn't recommend it. People grieve in different ways."

Vanessa crossed her arms across her chest and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "Where you going with this, Gem?"

Gemma approached her slowly. Her face was blank. Her manicured hands smoothed her hair and she gripped her shoulders. Gemma pursed her lips before looking at Vanessa with a grim expression. "Is there another man?"

Vanessa tried to keep her face a blank mask, but Gemma had an uncanny ability to smell a lie, a secret, anything that she wanted to know.

Gemma found what she was looking for as she backed up from her and shook her head. "Shit sweetheart. You need to end it or you're going to be responsible for a murder."

Vanessa didn't say anything, but grabbed Thomas and left Gemma's house. She felt Gemma's dark eyes on her the whole way even as she pulled out of the driveway and to her house.

* * *

 

Vanessa parked in her space in the driveway and was shocked to see Jax's side of the garage looking less cluttered. She looked at her husband, who was smiling at her just as brightly as Abel in their matching attire. Her heart clenched at the sight of father and son doing something so domestic. Before she could take her seat belt off, Jax and Abel were already making their way to the car. Jax made his way to take Thomas out the backseat while Abel, despite being dirty, seemed anxious to give her a hug and a kiss.

"It seems you two had a busy day." She directed towards Jax. Surprisingly Thomas wasn't clinging to him. Thomas was on the ground following Abel into the house.

"Well, you were on my ass about my side of the garage." Jax said, his eyes brighter than usual.

She used all her self-control to not let her eyes dip below his face. Definitely not to his tone arms or the fact she knew what was underneath his wife beater.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Don't turn me into the nagging wife."

"Never," Jax said marking an X over his chest.

"So do I want to know what brought this on?"

Jax nudged his head to where a large box sat on his work bench. Vanessa walked over to the large box and peered inside and she looked back up at her husband confused. "Isn't this more of an Opie thing?"

"That's harsh babe."

Vanessa smiled sheepishly. "Well I'm just saying."

"I thought it would be a good project for Abel and me to do together."

"He's 5, Jax."

"I know, now I'm just teaching him the respect for the tools and the bike."

Vanessa nodded her head and closed the box. A thought dawned on her as she thought about Abel's already growing fascinations with motorcycles. A part of her could see Abel following in Jax's footsteps in wanting to have a patch. Another part of her saw Abel maybe following her footsteps in going to college and creating a life outside of the world of Charming. And she tried not to judge Jax for his deeds considering this was the life he was groomed for. She really tried not to think about what she seemingly turned a blind eye too. But a part of her was uncomfortable with essentially having her sons grow up in an environment where they would be groomed to murder, to sell guns, and think it's normal to sleep with an abundance of women. "You know we never talked about the future for Abel or even Thomas."

"What do you mean?"

Vanessa kept her gaze firmly on the cardboard box. "Like if you're going to groom him for the club –"

Jax interrupted her. He placed his fingers under his chin forcing her to look at him. "Babe, sure it would be nice to pass on the club to my sons, but if they want to do something else. I'll support them. I'm not going to force my life on our boys."

Vanessa nodded her head and accepted his answer for what it was worth at the present moment.

"Mommy. Daddy. Are you coming in?" Vanessa looked over to the doorway where Abel was standing with Thomas behind him with a wide grin which she was sure was hurting his cheeks.

"We're coming." Jax replied with a smile.

Vanessa looked back from Abel to Jax and she got a feeling that something was up. Vanessa moved away from the work bench with Jax on her tail where she could feel his body heat penetrating her skin. Walking into her house, she stopped dead in her tracks when she found a bouquet of light pink roses, white roses, lilies, lisianthius and sweet peas next to a box of chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels.

Vanessa looked from Jax to Abel than back to Jax, who led her with his hands on her hips closer to the items.

"Abel picked out the flowers." Jax said where he stood behind her near her ear. His proximity made her shiver and she knew he saw and felt it. "I picked out your favorite treats."

Vanessa removed herself from Jax's hold on her hips and bent down giving Abel a kiss on the head. "Thank you, baby, the flowers are really pretty." Abel beamed up at her before he grabbed Thomas' hand and led them out the kitchen, seemingly satisfied she liked the flowers.

She turned around to face Jax, who was leaning against the kitchen sink. "I guess I should thank you for the treats."

"It was all Abel."

" _Sure_."

Jax only smiled at her before he left to go finish some things in the garage. Vanessa quickly placed the strawberries in the fridge while opening the bag of pretzels to munch on. She debated on placing the arrangement of flowers on the dining room table. She eventually settled on the side table in their bedroom.

* * *

 

Vanessa stood in the doorway of Abel's room and watched as Jax tucked the boy in. Her heart hurt a little as for the past year she had slightly denied the boys and their father the right to do this every day, especially in the beginning.

She smiled as Jax changed his voice to the characters he was reading to Abel. She committed the scene to her memory as her oldest boy was growing up and she could only imagine the shit he was going to get into being the spawn of Jackson's wayward sperm.

Jax didn't get to finish the story as Abel lost his will to stay awake. Vanessa moved away from the doorway as Jax gave his parting kiss to his son.

Jax closed the door to Abel's bedroom and leaned against the wall across from her.

"What are you doing Jax?" She asked him softly. She wasn't blind to him making an effort in trying to mend their relationship. It wasn't as if the relationship was completely broken. She didn't know if she forgave Jax for what he did, but the pain didn't hurt as it did a year ago. She thought time apart and her grieving gave her _some_ clarity.

Jax looked at her. His gaze was raw and burning. She fought the urge to look away even as he pushed himself off the wall and stalked towards her. He trapped her against the wall his hands on the both sides of her.

He was still wearing his wife beater and basketball shorts and the smell of him – the nicotine, sandalwood, and sweat – suffocated her senses.

His hands went from the wall to her face where he cupped her cheeks. He bent down aiming for her lips and that was when she stopped him.

Her hands came up to his shoulders, "Jax…don't."

She felt him tense from the rejection, but he only placed his forehead against hers. He was quiet for a moment before his lips ghosted over the crown of her head and whispered, "Do you love me?"

She brought her head back. Her hands went to his face before they weaved into his soft blonde hair as she caressed his scalp. Her throat felt dry and she knew the tip of her nose was turning red. His face was an emotionless masked compared to moments before. Her hands left his hair and her hand adorned by her wedding rings cupped his bearded cheek, "I try to forget that I do."


	8. Chapter 8

Vanessa knew she made a mistake. Mistake was a thick word, but she knew she was playing with fire. She never stopped loving Jax. She would never deny that. However, after the betrayal by Jax, she believed love could hurt. Loving Jax was pain. The way she loved Jax would never stop. She created a life with this man. She created lives _with_ him. As the father of her children, she would always love him.

But because she loved him didn't mean she needed to be with him.

She knew her resolve was weakening when it came to him. She knew any day she was going to let him back in. But then there was Heath. She knew she should end it, but a part of her did mull over what Heath did say in that classroom. She was still pissed at him, but she thought maybe there was some truth to his words.

If she would've had her way, she and Jax would be divorced. Would she regret it? She didn't know, but Jax never let her find out or even set up a chance to know if it was what she truly wanted. They never met with lawyers or even a counselor to talk about the state of their marriage. She couldn't put the blame solely on Jax as she could've been stricter in the parameters of their separation, but she never felt separated from him.

Even in kicking him out the house, a prospect or patch still lurked around the corner. Jax's presence was always there. It was suffocating and probably, most likely, unhealthy.

She knew she didn't love Heath. She enjoyed his company. And she needed to talk to him. She knew if Jax ever found out she been with Heath, or any other man, he would go on a murder spree that would make Happy proud of.

Lost in her thoughts, she jumped when Jax placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Jesus Christ, Jax." She hissed as her hand went to her chest as she felt her heart pound against its cage.

He didn't say anything but raised an amused eyebrow at her as he eyed her.

"Your phone has been going off nonstop," he explained as he dangled her phone in front of her face before she snatched it.

"I'm surprised you didn't answer it." She muttered under her breath which he heard. She took a quick glance at her phone and it thankfully only her mother. She quickly put her phone in her jean pocket. She would talk to her later. She looked back at Jax while he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. "Is Abel ready for practice?"

Jax nodded his head as he took a long sip of water. "We should go to brunch."

Vanessa looked at Jax confused as Abel had practice in 30 minutes. "Don't you think it's a little too late for brunch?"

"I meant after we drop Abel off, we should go together just the two of us." Jax clarified.

Vanessa looked at him skeptically. She had no reason to say no even if this offer was sounding like a date. She couldn't remember the last time Jax took her on a date that wasn't at the clubhouse or the cabin.

"Where are we going to take Thomas?"

"Let my ma have 'em. She already whines she doesn't see him enough anyways."

They both knew it was bullshit as Gemma seen the boys at least every day. Gemma saw the boys more than Vanessa's own parents did. Vanessa shook her head but sighed in defeat, "Fine."

Jax responded with a blinding smile.

* * *

 

Lumpy's Family Restaurant was the oldest food establishment in the Charming and of course it was a locally owned business. It opened after the end of World War II by Lumpy Fitzgerald and his wife, Helda, and it was still run by the Fitzgerald family.

Even with the more modern franchises that have sprung up outside of Charming borders, Vanessa enjoyed the local greasy food from Lumpy's. The food was never at risk of being cold, stale, or overcooked. She got quantity and quality. And she wouldn't trade it for all the McDonald's and Wendy's in the world.

Besides, she didn't think anyone could make milkshakes the way they did or would dare make the weird flavor combinations she craved during her pregnancies.

Considering her history of the place, she knew Jax knew she was purposefully stalling and avoiding eye contact with him as she stared at the menu. She ordered the same thing, and really had the menu memorized, she didn't need to read it to make an order, but now the words weren't making registering to her anyways.

But she knew she was going to have to talk as the waitress, who was practically all but drooling at the sight of Jax, took her order.

Vanessa glared at the waitress' retreating form before she turned her unamused eyes to her husband. "You could turn your charm off for at least five minutes."

Jax looked at her amused. "Jealous?"

"Did you seriously just ask your _wife_ that?" She asked incredulous. Vanessa honestly couldn't really say she ever felt jealous over Jax's interactions with other women. Maybe in the beginning she did, now it only frankly pissed her off to no end. But jealousy was something she didn't allow herself to feel towards Jax anymore.

Jax shrugged his shoulders innocently. "It's okay if you are."

Vanessa glared at him, but then she propped her elbows on the table, emphasizing her chest, and smiled sweetly at Jax. "I'll make sure to ask you that when a guy stares at my ass and tits for too long."

Jax's amused smiled quickly turned into a scowl causing Vanessa to chuckle. She leaned back into the vinyl seat as she looked him over. He was in his usual attire of jeans, white sneakers, and now a plain white t-shirt and his omnipresent leather kutte. The leather was severely worn and his patches had seen better days. Her eyes lingered on the president patch that he seemed to wear proudly.

Despite all the drama between them, she was proud of her husband as she knew since he was five years old he longed to be the President of the club following in both of his fathers' footsteps. As president and the increased responsibilities, he did the best he could in managing the club and his family life. She knew to her boys, especially Abel, it didn't seem that way. When Abel was younger; Jax was gone a lot more. She had been pretty vocal that she didn't like raising their infant son alone while he was gone handling club business. On top of that, there was always the threat of jail time.

But now as they sat there and his phone hadn't rung, she wondered how the club was actually doing. "So how is the club doing?"

Jax straightened his spine as he rested his arms on the table. She knew he couldn't say much in public, but there hadn't been any unfavorable articles in the paper about the Sons or something blowing up outside the borders in a while. "It's good. I'm looking into buying Unser Shipping."

Vanessa raised her eyebrows. She knew the boys did protection runs for Unser, but she didn't know the man had an interest in selling his other source of income considering his health problem. "Is the cancer that bad?"

"Don't worry; he is getting a good deal. My mom would kick my ass if he didn't. Besides I want to expand SAMCROs business dealings."

Vanessa couldn't hide her stunned expression, as she knew he meant legitimate ones, and she honestly was surprised that the club would want to take that initiative considering their illegal source of income provided more than some. "Wow, I'm glad for you. Wow, that's really great Jax." She told him with a wide smile.

"Well it still needs a club vote if they want in on it. Opie and I already said we would go in on it together."

"Still it eases my mind that you want this."

Jax looked at her perplexed and he leaned back into his seat, his arm rested on the top. "What do you mean?"

Vanessa sighed and looked away from his blue imploring eyes down to her wedding band she didn't even know she put on in the morning. "I mean…with who you are and what you do I worry when you go on runs or simply walk out the door."

It was a real worry she had that really hit her after Abel was born. The club had gotten in some dispute that led to a shootout when Jax coming home with a bruised back and she was hit with the reality of how dangerous the world Jax lived in was. And after giving birth, her emotions all out of whack, she remembered becoming a blubbering mess when she confronted him about her fears of burying him in an early grave. That had always been her main fear in her relationship with him. It still was and it only eased because she knew her husband was a smart man and wasn't reactive or too impulsive when it came to some things.

Any trace of amusement left his face as a warm looked passed over him. His hand reached across the table and he began to say something when they both jumped at a shrilly voice interrupting their conversation.

"Vanessa I knew that was you."

Vanessa's dark eyes found Hattie Richards standing at the end of her table. Hattie Richards was a part of her mother's parish. She was dressed in a white pant suit that Vanessa found odd to be in Lumpy's considering the grease that permeated in the place.

Though as Hattie's grey eyes darted back and forth from her and Jax, Vanessa wished she never agreed to the brunch with Jax. As with every old lady, Hattie was a gossip queen and if the woman knew how to text, she was sure she would be texting her mother right now. The last thing Vanessa wanted was for all of Charming to know she was enjoying a simple meal with Jax.

"Hi, Mrs. Richards, how are you?" Vanessa asked politely. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jax give the woman an annoyed look behind his cup of coffee.

"I'm well and I see you two are doing well." Hattie turned to Jax who gave her an exaggerated smile that flew over Hattie's head. "It's nice to see you two have overcome your issues. Losing a child is always hard. Jax, you had the dear misfortune of witnessing this before with your poor little brother."

Also Hattie had a tendency in putting her foot in her mouth like every other person in Charming who were so concerned about her relationship with Jax.

"Well that's what family is for," Jax replied with a tight smile.

"Yes and you both have beautiful boys."

"Well thank you." Vanessa said and agreed with. If nothing else, Jax did give her two beautiful boys.

"Well, I better let you two enjoy your meal. It was good seeing you two."

Vanessa and Jax watched as Hattie left the restaurant. Vanessa turned her attention back to her drink in front of her when Jax spoke. "Is this how it's always like for you?"

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders, "I'm used to it."

Jax opened his mouth to reply, but their waitress came back with their food.

* * *

 

Jax was walking back with his sweaty son to Vanessa's Jeep while Abel regaled him about practice. Jax was slightly worried his son was overworking himself as his skin was all red from the running of his legs and mouth. However, Jax listened intently.

In the beginning, he was skeptical of his son playing a sport considering his heart. Jax thought he would always have that fear of his heart one day acting up. After Thomas, his little brother, took a turn for the worst so unexpectedly, that anxiety lingered despite the doctor's prognosis that Abel was fine. Even though Jax wanted more kids, at least a couple more, when Vanessa became pregnant with Thomas he was worried he was going to pass CHD down to his second child and he didn't want to risk passing it on to more kids.

Nevertheless, Abel seemed to enjoy soccer at the moment and it gave Vanessa some free time, so he wasn't complaining.

But it was better listening to his son's every word than sparing a glance to his coach, who he noticed looked for Vanessa when he went to get Abel. Jax still felt he was missing something when it came to Heath and Vanessa. He noticed really how Vanessa insisted she was fine in staying back at her Jeep. If he didn't know any better he would say she was annoyed with the Coach as she couldn't hide the scowl on her face when she laid eyes on him.

"Coach said I'm getting really good." Abel exclaimed.

Jax's hand found the top of his son's sweaty head as he smiled at him. "Well it seems your Coach has some common sense." He muttered.

Abel looked at him confused. "What does that mean, daddy?"

Jax chuckled, "It means everyone sees or knows it."

"Like how you and mommy are my parents?"

"Yeah, bud." Jax said with a smile.

* * *

 

Jax had just said goodbye to his boys and Vanessa when he walked back into his mom house when the interrogation began.

"How was _brunch?_ " Gemma asked with a cigarette perched between her manicured fingers. Her cockatoo was sitting with her at the table eating its food. Jax looked at his mom skeptically for how she said it. He knew whatever he said would go over her head and she would want to instill her advice into him. She looked at him with wide eyes as she extended her hands in a placating gesture. "What? I'm just asking?"

"It was fine. Why?" He didn't know why his mom would really care since it got her more time with her grandsons.

She immediately put out her cigarette in her ashtray as she looked at him sympathetically. "I love Vanessa, Jax – "

"Ma – "

She put her hands up motioning for him to let her continue. "We have our moments, but it's going on a year, Jax."

"What's your point?" He asked heatedly.

"All I'm saying is I don't want you to get your hopes up."

Jax looked at his mother as if she sprouted an extra head. "You don't want me to get my hopes up for my wife?"

"A year is a long time, Jax." She muttered.

"How's Clay?" Jax asked switching the subject. Clay's bike was in the driveway, but he wasn't out in the dining room. Jax suspected he was either in the bedroom still or his man cave. He knew his stepfather's hands were acting up more which was making the man sour due to the laws and bylaws about the club with riding to maintain membership.

"I'm pushing for surgery, but you know Clay."

Jax nodded his head. Despite being ecstatic in taking the gavel, he knew for Clay despite how proud he was it was still a hard thing to give up especially as it wasn't exactly of his own free will. However, he also knew that Clay enjoyed having time to a grandfather and having more time with Gemma.

Gemma got up the table and stood in front of him where she placed her hands on his cheeks and placed a kiss on his left one. "Your father would be proud of you, Jackson."

* * *

 

Vanessa didn't know why she was surprised when she shouldn't have been. She knew when Hattie left Lumpy's she was going to run back and tell all her mother what she had witnessed. She knew her parents – especially her father – would take that news like a dog to a bone. Now she had to listen to them give a long monologue on how happy they were that she was working on her marriage. How the family could get back together and flourish. It was time to move on. The separation would only strengthen their marriage.

But the worst thing was they insisted on talking about her marriage in front of her boys.

"Mom, dad, it was just lunch while Abel was at practice. We didn't renew our vows." Vanessa said sternly as she eyed her parents with full annoyance.

Vanessa knew she shouldn't have opened her mouth as her mom's eyes gleamed as if she had hit the lottery.

"You know honey that wouldn't be a bad idea." Her mom suggested.

"Can we _not_ talk about this in front of the boys?" Vanessa said firmly.

Luckily her parents listened, for once.


	9. Chapter 9

Vanessa decided to skip eating lunch in the faculty lounge and eat in her classroom where it was peaceful and quiet. She wouldn't have to deal with the town gossip about her relationship progress with Jax and most importantly she wouldn't have to deal with Heath's imploring stare. Vanessa knew it was childish, but she was officially avoiding him.

She thought it was the best thing to do in her situation. She wasn't particularly mad anymore for what he said in regards about Abel's behavior. He was still an asshole for saying it, but she knew he wasn't the only one in Charming that held that assumption about Jax's lifestyle affecting her boys.

She also had been rationalizing on why Heath did feel the way he did. She was right in saying she never promised him anything. But she knew how it must have looked to him that she was now suddenly being with Jax more than she was in the last year or 6 months ago when they started whatever they were.

She cared for Heath. She really did. Before anything he was her friend. He was a friend that would flirt with her a lot, but before anything they had a good friendship. He seemed to keep any ill feelings he had towards her husband to himself and treated her like a person. Not just as Jax Teller's wife. She was just Vanessa.

She thought that was why she found comfort in his presence near the beginning. Vanessa could admit she was a girl that couldn't sleep around. She wasn't a saint, but she needed some type of connection with whoever she was going to let into her pants.

And that probably was the first problem with everything.

She wasn't a one night stand type of girl or a hit it and quit type person.

When Heath first expressed serious interest in her, she did try to fend off his advances with soft rejections. She was still married, on paper, and still grieving the loss of her daughter. She just wanted to focus on her boys and their happiness.

But after finding Jax with Ima and feeling so low and lonely, Heath was a nice reprieve.

The first time they hung out, she remembered telling him firmly that it wasn't a date. They were just hanging out as friends. He accepted it and didn't push her for anything more. Since her and Jax were at severe odds and frosty towards each other, she continued hanging out with Heath. He made her forget about their troubles. He made her laugh and smile. He left her feeling a semblance of happiness. Heath was the one to kiss her first, but she certainly didn't stop him from doing it and she did kiss back.

They only started to sleep together three months ago and a part of her wished she never did start anything with him.

She was all at fault for her current dilemma. She knew she needed to end things with Heath. It wasn't because of her and Jax being on good and somewhat hazy terms. But with how she and Heath started she knew deep down it would never work out between the two. Heath was too doubtful, and a part of her didn't blame him, about where he – they – stood. If she and Jax ended things for good, she knew Heath would always be distrustful of their interactions. He would always second guess where he stood. In the long run she knew she couldn't handle that type of insecurity in a relationship. At least when she and Jax would be at each other's throats, he was still confident enough to have the nerve to still sleep in the bed next to her and even press heated and angry kisses to her lips before walking out the door.

But most importantly, when she let him into her life romantically, she wasn't in the right mindset to begin anything. She did care for Heath. He was sweet, charming, and there. She appreciated him for helping her get through some of her grief of losing a child and partially her husband. But she wasn't blind or oblivious to know Heath felt something for her more than she wanted to admit.

She knew she was probably going to break his heart, if she even really had the power to do that. She knew he was just going to get hurt. Heath didn't deserve that.

Vanessa threw her trash away wishing her emotional turmoil was just as easy to get rid of. She was only a few minutes into writing notes on the board for her students when a knock interrupted her.

Turning around she found Heath looking at her sheepishly. She made a subtle nod of her head beckoning him to come in which he did and closed the door.

"Are you ignoring me?"

Vanessa smoothed her shirt and skirt as she avoided looking at him. "You made your feelings very known." She said softly to him as the last thing she wanted was an argument.

"It wasn't like that," he disputed.

She shook her head and she went to ask him exactly what it was like but he asked her a question that made her look up at him. "Are you two working on your marriage?"

"We're…" Vanessa trailed off as she didn't know exactly what to say. She wasn't working on their marriage, but Jax actively was working on their marriage. But to her they were just talking until something blew up between them.

"Working on your marriage," Heather filled in for her as she got lost in her thoughts.

Vanessa sighed. "No, we're not. We're just talking and co-parenting."

Heath had a skeptical look on his face, but seemed too reluctantly to accept her words. He stepped closer to her and grasped her hands into his and gave her a sweet smile. "I'm sorry."

Vanessa gave him a closed mouth smile and a part of her knew she needed to end everything right there and then. She had the right opportunity and perfect ammunition to end it. Despite his _apology_ she knew he was unhappy and to save him of any future pain it would make sense.

"We should go out," he suggested causing her to look at him apprehensively. His hands went from her hands to her hips as he drew her closer, "Just something simple. Movies, dinner, or both?"

She knew she should say no. The words were on the tip of her tongue as she looked at the man that was holding her hips. She was most aware of Jax's crow that was burning her hip where Heath's hand rested. Instead, she only nodded her head. No matter how the date ended she would end it. It was the best thing to do for all of them.

"Let me figure out what to do with my boys."

* * *

 

After work, Vanessa quickly went home relieving Neeta from watching Thomas and decided to head over to the clubhouse to surprise Jax with a visit, in regards to the boys. Arriving at the lot and pulling in she was surprised to see Jax working in the garage this late in the day. Before she even had the chance to turn the car off, Jax was approaching the car with a dirty rag wiping the grease off his hands. He immediately opened the backdoor where Abel had already unbuckled himself and launched himself at his father causing Jax to laugh. He placed Abel down on the ground and grabbed Thomas, Vanessa watched the interactions silently.

For a moment, she allowed herself to picture they were just a normal happy family. With Jax in his TM work shirt, she deluded herself into thinking he was just a simple mechanic and Harley enthusiast. There wasn't a gun strapped to his ankle and he wasn't a convicted felon. Instead, he would just be her faithful husband and the devoted and dedicated father to her boys. They weren't going through whatever they were going through.

"Nes?"

Vanessa's dark eyes snapped up to Jax who was watching her with a smile.

"Do you have a minute?" She asked with a polite smile.

He nodded his head and placed Thomas down on the ground as he told the boys to go bother Tig and Bobby who were sitting at the picnic table outside the clubhouse.

She watched as Abel lunged at Bobby giving him a hug while Tig scooped up Thomas tossing the boy in the air. Vanessa smiled warmly thinking back when she was once worried about Tig even breathing the same air as her boys.

"Everything okay?"

Vanessa looked her gaze back over to Jax who was leaning against her Jeep looking at her with concern.

She nodded her head as she tucked a piece of discarded hair behind her ear. "Yeah, yeah. I was actually wondering if you wanted the boys for the weekend or at least early. I mean if you're not busy with club things."

"Well we're throwing a party, but I can head over to my mom's early."

"Oh, Jax, no." Vanessa replied with a shake of her head. "I can keep the boys until tomorrow."

Jax shook his head a smile teased his lips. "It's fine, Nes."

Vanessa looked at him uncertain. Even though she didn't like to think about Jax at a clubhouse party with the pussy buffet, it was still a clubhouse party that required the president to be there. "Are you sure?"

Jax chuckled a little. "I'm sure. I'm pretty sure I'll rope Opie in bringing Kenny and Ellie over."

"Alright," Vanessa said accepting his answer.

"You got plans?"

Vanessa mentally froze as she didn't have a good cover up or even thought of her cover up story, which was a major oversight on her part. "With the school year coming to a close, it's just been stressful, and I thought I would go out enjoy a few hours by myself."

Jax seemed to accept her answer and inside she was hit with instant relief. "You need money?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm fine Jax."

As expected he ignored her anyway as he dug into his jean pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. She didn't even hold back on her sigh or scowl as he handed her a few hundred dollar bills.

"This really isn't necessary." She mumbled as she reluctantly accepted the money she knew would just sit in her wallet. The last thing she would ever do was spend the money Jax gave her while with Heath.

"Really, I think the same thing when you continually fight me on this too," Jax quipped.

She only glared at him as she stuffed the money in her wallet.

"You should stay for a little bit." Jax blurted out. She looked up at him with raised eyebrows. "The guys miss you." He added on and Vanessa highly doubted it was the guys that missed her. Her bottom lip got caught between her teeth as she looked back at her boys playing with Bobby, Tig, and now, Chibs, and she looked at her husband who was waiting for her answer. She knew she should've politely declined. But as she seemed to be a glutton for misery and emotional abuse onto herself, she nodded her head and did her best to ignore how Jax gave her a wide smile as he walked next to her to the boys.

* * *

 

Jax was enjoying his bottle of Jack by the bar by himself as he batted away eager croweaters when Opie took a vacant seat next to him. The clubhouse party had been going on for a little bit over an hour and after 45 minutes Jax had quickly made his rounds to everyone making face as President of the mother charter. After making sure there was no problem arising in Charming and elsewhere, he quickly went to the bar and ordered the new Prospect, Cody, to give him a bottle of Jack as he waited for the right time to depart.

"So you're ignoring all the croweaters on the same day that Vanessa was actually on the lot, is there something you need to tell me?" Opie asked taking a long sip of the beer the prospect pushed his way.

Jax rolled his eyes as he lit a new cigarette. "She just dropped the boys off, Ope."

"Yeah that usually entails her hightailing out the lot as soon as the boys' feet hit the pavement."

Jax glared at his friend. "Fuck off."

"I thought you got the boys on Saturday though?" Opie questioned.

"Yeah, but she said she wanted a day to herself," Jax said shrugging his shoulders. Jax wasn't one to complain about spending more time with his boys. Plus, Vanessa was with the boys more than him and he knew how hard it was raising two boys – his sons – by herself without him in the home. Even when he had the boys, he wondered how she did it as sometimes they made him want to pull his own hair out with their little schemes that he knew Abel initiated.

"Well I can understand that one," Opie exclaimed sympathetically. "Your boys are little shits."

Jax rolled his eyes. "So why are you here? Donna loosened the leash today?"

Opie gave him the stink eye but he sobered up and gave Jax a cheeky smile. "Speaking of my _wife_ , since Gemma took the kids, I'm going to head out."

Jax nodded at his friend who quickly made his final round before leaving. Jax slammed back another glass of Jax before he turned around in his seat taking in the activity around him. Jax tried to think back on when was the last time he even genuinely enjoyed a club house party. For the past year, they were nothing but distractions. They were something that temporarily filled the pain and loneliness he felt with Vanessa kicking him out the house. When he was with Vanessa there was always the pride he felt in showing her off to other patches. He thrived off knowing that men wanted his wife – to a point – but they couldn't have her as she went home with him at night. She shared a bed with him. His old lady had his last name and was the mother of his kids. Really thinking on it, Jax believed he hadn't really enjoyed a club house party since before he met and settled down with Vanessa.

Jax huffed as maybe he was getting old, despite only being 32, or maybe he was turning into a depressed drunk. All in all, he decided it was time to call it a night as he was going to take advantage of getting his boys a day early and even hang out with his little niece and nephew.

Mirroring Opie, he bid his goodbye to the patches and hang arounds before making his way to his bike that was parked at the beginning of the long roll of bikes.

He was vaguely aware of the slapping of heels against the concrete that was being drowned out by the commotion outside the lot. He even ignored the person approaching him in the peripheral of his vision as he strapped on his helmet.

It wasn't until the nauseating voice and person was standing before him that he gave the person his attention.

He didn't hold back the groan and sigh that escaped his throat as he looked at Ima standing before him in what he thought was supposed to be a seductive pose.

Despite his outlaw ways, Jax didn't hold a lot of regrets in his life. He liked to think it was because if he didn't make certain choices than Vanessa or his boys wouldn't be in his life. However, Jax could say the one regret – mistake – he ever made in his life and he wished he could take back was sleeping with Ima.

When the club became partners with Luann, it didn't take long to deduce that Ima had a thing for him. Even before Luann pointed it out one day as the diva was whining about something and when she was stressed her walls became dry or some shit, the girl was brazen in her interest. Vanessa even pointed it out as Ima's face was becoming quite familiar at the clubhouse. Jax could say he might have encouraged the fascination slightly at the time because a jealous and possessive Vanessa equaled amazing fucking sex that he thought for sure his dick would break at one point.

But despite Ima's annoying and persistent behavior, he ignored it. He would occasionally throw at harmless smile her way, but she was like a dog to a bone.

But after what happened with his family, he purposefully sought out Ima. Vanessa was lost in her grief, a part of him resented that, and Ima was some random girl that wanted to take care of him. Jax knew it was wrong, but even being 30 it was easy to use sex as a coping mechanism.

He could honestly say he didn't expect Vanessa to find out. He knew she probably had her suspicions as he was staying at the clubhouse more at that time in general. But he didn't expect her to find out.

Despite what shit Ima may have been spewing, he only slept with her once. The clingy act got old real quick, and was even more of a turn off considering he didn't want her and after she tried to give him shit for showing attention to another girl, he knew she was borderline delusional. Plus he already cussed her out for whatever she said to Vanessa when they had the encounter at the grocery store.

Most of all, as he looked at her boney frame, bleached hair, and face caked in makeup, he didn't understand the appeal, Ima wasn't ugly, but compared to his old lady like every other woman in the world they paled in comparison to Vanessa.

Now Jax never judged a woman for her bedroom activities, well he liked to think it didn't. But with Ima he didn't understand her end game, he knew if another brother approached her she would be on her knees or back in seconds, so he didn't know if she was just had a fixation, she just wanted to be old lady, or out of the porn business. But in reality, someone like Luann was a one in a million chance that she would essentially be saved by a man to get out of the business.

Jax could admit most guys in the club liked to own their pussy and they didn't take it well knowing that their pussy had a vivid history. Plus with her personality, she really didn't make a good candidate for anything other than getting a blow job.

So he stared silently at her while she smiled coyly at him before her painted fingertips trailed over the handle bars of his bike and most likely would've attempted to trail down his kutte. She must have recognized the bored look on his face as her hand quickly retreated and her smile lost its initial confidence.

But she still stepped closer to him, her bare thighs from her wearing a micro mini brushed up against his jean covered thighs. "I was wondering if you could give me a ride home."

Jax looked at her plainly and he gently pushed her away from him so she wouldn't stumble in her heels, but at least get the message that he didn't want her. "Call a cab."

He watched her face twist into shocked and maybe hurt at his dismissal and her mouth was gaped open and she seemed to be trying to form words. His intention was to leave her there, but his attention was diverted as his phone was buzzing in his pocket.

His glance quickly flickered over to Ima's retreating before he seen his mom's name flashing on his cell.

"Hey –"

His greeting was caught off by his mom's hysterical voice on the other young and he could hear Thomas wailing in the background.

* * *

 

Vanessa wiped the condensation from the mirror and Heath's bathroom and seriously contemplated on who she even was anymore. She didn't know if she even recognized herself. She grabbed the small towel and began squeezing the tips of her hair to get rid of the excess water that was slowly staining her shirt. She tried not to feel too disgusted with herself as she backed on her resolve in ending things permanently with Heath.

She was weak and in her opinion a cruel person. She was tormenting both herself and Heath. But maybe if dinner and a movie was somewhere more public and wasn't at his place where he had it all set up more nicely with candles and roses, this wouldn't have happened. But those were all just excuses she was making for herself and just because he had dinner and roses didn't mean she needed to sleep with him. Maybe she was pathetic.

Vanessa threw the towel down into the laundry basket Heath had in the bathroom. At least, they weren't at her place.

She looked in the mirror forcing herself to smile, but it wasn't a good enough distraction from her thoughts.

She exited the bathroom and found Heath lounging in his bed with only a sheet providing clothing.

"You never spend the night," he pointed out lightly.

Vanessa sat on the edge of the bed as she pulled on her socks and grabbed her black booties. "You know that I can't." She replied softly.

He didn't respond and she expected it was to save an argument between the two of them. A part of her welcomed one as it would be easy to just end it. She heard him shuffling behind her before her phone was at her side, her blue notification light blinking.

"Your phone keeps going off." He told her.

Vanessa immediately snatched her phone out of his hand and pressed the home screen to see about 20 missed calls. "Why didn't you tell me?" She hissed. Unlocking her phone she noticed it was on silent which she never has it on and a hot boiling rage in her gut formed as she knew Heath probably did that.

She went to question him as she noticed most of the calls were from Jax when her phone began ringing again. Jax's name flashed across the screen.

" _Where are you_?" Jax barked into the phone.

"I was in the shower," she said as she found her jacket and scarf. "What's wrong?"

She listened in horror as Jax relayed to her the emergency. "Okay, I'm on my way."

She immediately stuffed her phone in her pocket and mentally checked she had everything as she pointedly ignored Heath.

"Whoa, where the hell are you going? What's wrong?"

Vanessa spared one glance at Heath as she needed to grab her purse that was in his living room, tears were brimming in her eyes as she replied. "It's my baby."


	10. Chapter 10

Vanessa was pondering if she had developed a heart defect as she raced to St. Thomas as she ran through the hallways. She was surprised she didn't get a speeding ticket as she raced through the streets of Charming. A part of her was pissed at Heath for messing with her phone making her miss the initial phone call, but she was really pissed at herself. She was mad at herself for not being there when her baby boy needed her. Instead, she was with Heath. Something she knew shouldn't have done.

Nearly breaking her ankles in her booties as she ran through the hallways ignoring staffs shouts for her to walk, she nearly collapsed when she caught sight of leather vests taking up a bulk of a waiting area.

Chibs, Jax's Sergeant at arms, was the first person to notice her as her heels slapped against the linoleum floors and she nearly began crying when she engulfed him in a hug. The scene was similar as the club was here once again for support for her and Jax.

"It's going to be okay, luv," he told her as he gave her a kiss on her head.

Tears were already spilling in her brown eyes as she looked at the Scotsman before she was engulfed by hugs and well wishes by the club members. She was prepared to ask what happened when her attention was taken back by Gemma with her tearstained face as she held an upset and cranky Thomas.

Her stomach dropped at seeing Gemma's appearance. Vanessa couldn't recall Gemma ever crying so publically, not even when Clay had his accident. Gemma always kept herself composed for appearances and she knew whatever happened couldn't have been good.

Gemma transferred Thomas into her hold. Vanessa pressed a lingering kiss to Thomas' head as she inhaled the scent of his shampoo in his curly hair before she turned her gaze back to Gemma.

"What happened?" She asked with a shaky voice.

"The kids were playing when he stopped and began clutching at his chest. He's in surgery. Opie's in the room with Jax where you can see the operation."

Vanessa nodded her head and she knew she surprised Gemma when she unexpectedly crushed her into a hug being mindful of Thomas. Even though she knew as a mother this was hard for her, but Gemma knew this pain. She knew the terrible symptoms of the family flaw that was passed down to her son's and now grandson.

Gemma gave her a tight hug and she could tell the biker matriarch was trying to hold back an onset of tears when she eventually broke away. "You should go with Jax. We've got Thomas."

"Come on darlin'," Chibs called from behind her. Vanessa pressed one last kiss to Thomas' head, who was reluctant to let her go, but settled into Gemma's arms before she let herself be escorted by Chibs.

"Oh wait, I need to call my parents."

"We already took care of it. They're on their way." Chibs informed her. This time the tears were pouring freely down her face in show of gratitude for the club. Chibs gave her another hug and pressed a kiss to her head as he led her down to the room where Jax and Opie were.

...

The room was dark. The only light that highlighted the room was from the operating room that was visible from the glass window that let loved ones observe. Her baby boy – her oldest boy – was lying there on the operating table with doctors hovered over his small body.

It was a familiar and honestly unwanted scene she recalled when Abel was born. Her pregnancy with Abel wasn't bad, despite the early diagnosis of him having the family flaw, the pregnancy was smooth. Except until they got to the birth, Vanessa was scheduled for a C-Section as the doctors, her, and Jax were worried about the stress of going through a vaginal delivery. But Abel was an eager boy, and her water broke two weeks before he would be considered full term, and immediately after the birth Abel's heart condition was worse off than the doctors believed and she only got to hold her boy for a couple minutes before he was whisked off to surgery. She remembered watching a similar scene while her baby boy's life seemingly hung on a balance.

Opie immediately greeted her with a strong hug which she greatly returned. "Donna is sorry she couldn't be here, but the kids –"

"It's fine Opie." Vanessa amended.

He gave her another hug before he looked back at Jax, a message passing between their eyes, and he silently made his way out of the room giving her and Jax privacy.

She hastily wiped away the hot tears while she looked at her husband whose distraught gaze was focused on her.

She could tell Jax was trying not to cry, his hair was wrecked from his hands going through it so much. His brows were pinched together as his hand rubbed over his lips, but the wall he had built up was slowly crumbling.

It only took her two seconds of her looking at her husband – the father of her children – before she smacked into his chest, their arms immediately wrapped around each other. Her tears smeared against his leather vest. Jax's arms were a welcome weight and anchor she needed for something like this. Vanessa wasn't oblivious, she knew Abel's heart would always be concern even with Abel seemingly getting a clean bill of health, but she clung to the hope her and Jax would never have to go through something like this again.

It was silent between them as they both knew words were futile at this point and they would only matter if Abel made it through this episode. Plus knowing Jax, he never made promises he knew he couldn't keep or didn't believe. It wasn't them being pessimistic about their boy because they weren't but after losing Sophia, they knew losing a child was a very real thing they could go through again.

Vanessa relished in Jax's hold as his hand cradled her head while his lips ghosted over the crown before she loosened her own hold and turned around to face the procedure that was taking place before them.

Jax's arms wrapped around her front as he held her tightly with her back to his chest as they watched the team of doctors and nurses work diligently on their boy. Her hands were frantically trying to wipe away the tears before Jax's own rough calloused hands wiped away the steady stream and he leaned down and whispered in her ear. "We'll get through it, Nes."

Vanessa let herself believe it.

* * *

 

Jax released a shaky breath as he pressed a hard, but relieved kiss to Vanessa's forehead as the doctor relayed that the operation was successful and explained to them how Abel's heartbeat became irregular, most likely due to over excursion and they just needed to practically restart the heart to get it back to the right rhythm. Still Jax clutched Vanessa tightly in his arms as both of them were probably praying to God and Jax contemplated in starting to go to church.

Vanessa hurriedly thanked the doctor and a nurse quickly came over to escort them to the post operation room that Abel would be staying in.

Vanessa made way to walk away, but he grabbed her arm bringing her and the nurse to a stop.

"I'm going to tell the guys and my mom everything went well and I need a cigarette after this."

Vanessa nodded her head understandably. "Just don't take too long."

Jax nodded his head while he walked down to the waiting room only to stop and pause when he realized the hallway was empty. He leaned against the wall and sagged against it as he buried his face in his hands as he waited for his heart to stop racing as he felt it was close to busting out of his chest.

He didn't know how long he leaned against that wall as he tried to compose himself, as for what felt like forever, that he might have come to terms to losing another child – his oldest son. He knew if they would've lost Abel, he knew neither he nor Vanessa would ever recover from something like that and it wouldn't just be their marriage at risk.

He took another deep breath as he needed to be strong for Vanessa, his boys – his family – and the club.

It was only a minute walk to where his family was at where he found them in the waiting room. Thomas being the first one to see him became a slippery ill and jumped out of Annabeth's hold and into his arms. Jax immediately kissed his baby boy on the head and closed his eyes as he held his boy close. He thanked God Thomas didn't inherit the family flaw.

"Is Abel okay, daddy?" His son asked in a small voice.

Jax looked at his son before he turned to his club, to his mother who had gotten up from her seat and embrace from Clay and stood in front of him. "Abel's fine. He is in recovery, still knocked out." Gemma and Annabeth both cried in relief while everyone muttered _thank gods_. "They're going to keep him a few days as a precaution. So you guys can go home –"

"No, Jax, until that boy wakes up we're going to be right here." Bobby said firmly speaking up from his seat.

"Anything you and Vanessa need right now brother, we're on it," Tig added on.

Jax threw all his brothers a grateful smile and even brought his mom into a hug as he knew for her to watch her grandson collapse probably almost had her go into her own episode.

Jax's eyes looked at his mom then to Annabeth, "Vanessa is in the room right now. You two or all of you really should go see here. I need a minute."

Both Gemma and Annabeth looked at him with understanding and Jax was luckily able to pass over Thomas to his mother without much of a fit.

...

He quickly made his way outside immediately lighting his cigarette and felt some of the lingering tension leave his body. As he stood outside of St. Thomas and watched people seemingly for once ignore him as he smoked his cigarette. As his mind was relived about Abel, he kept wandering back to why it took her so long to answer her phone. He knew if she was out it still didn't take that long for her to answer her phone. Even if she was pissed at him, it only took at least a second ring before she answered especially knowing he was watching the boys.

He had just took another long drag of his cigarette when he heard the doors to the hospital open and from the sound of the heavy trek approaching him he knew it was one person. Opie.

Opie didn't say anything at first. He only leaned against the wall next to him while they watched the slow late night traffic.

"I'm sorry you and Van had to go through this."

Jax nodded his head a humorless chuckle escaped his lips, "It's just one thing after another, right?"

Opie didn't reply to his comment and only took a long drag of his cigarette. "You know you can talk to me brother."

Jax threw his smoked cigarette in the garbage bin as he contemplated if he should voice his thoughts to Opie considering the more pressing matter at hand. However, if he didn't say anything he knew he would drive him crazy. It was never good for him to stay inside his head for too long.

"I'm just thinking about why it took so long for Vanessa to answer her phone. I sent Rat to the house and she wasn't there –"

"Do you really want to focus on this now?" Opie asked softly, no judgment in his tone despite what his words were saying.

"Her hair was wet Ope and she wasn't showering at the house." Jax replied as he thought back to Vanessa's damp brown hair and how it didn't even smell like her usual raspberry and vanilla scent.

Jax waited for Opie to respond with something, but his friend didn't seem to have anything to say that would either extinguish his suspicions or confirm it even though Jax knew in his gut there was someone else. Jax pushed himself off the wall and was going to head back inside the hospital when Opie's voice stopped him.

Opie looked at him when a blank expression, but he took a painful breath. "Now isn't the time brother."

Jax didn't say anything, but made his way inside the hospital and kept repeating Opie's words to himself.

* * *

 

Jax was lounging in the chair next to Abel's bed as they waited for him to fully wake up. He woke up for a little while before he fell back to asleep no doubt because of the exhaustion his body felt post operation. They had been at the hospital going on a day and he could admit his back and ass was hurting from being in the pleather hospital chair.

His eyes flickered from Abel to Vanessa, who was entering his hospital room with a bag from the local bakery and a drink carrier. He immediately sat up and grabbed the drink carrier from Vanessa's hands.

She gave him a tired smile. "I got you – or I should say Rat Boy picked it up - two glazed donuts and a breakfast sandwich and coffee."

"Thank you," Jax said softly.

They both sat down in the uncomfortable chairs and Jax made quick work on his breakfast. After he practically inhaled his breakfast and was working on his second donut, he glanced over to Vanessa only to find her nibbling on her own donut.

"Is that all your eating?" He asked gruffly.

Vanessa looked over at him with wide eyes and down to her donut. "I'm not really hungry."

Jax was on the verge of telling her she needed to eat in a tone that left no room for an argument. But as his eyes trailed over her, he took in her tired eyes and the dark spots that seemed to be setting in beneath her dark orbs. Her nose, the one thing that gave away her emotions, was tinted in red giving away everything she was trying to hide and keep in.

Jax grabbed a napkin wiping the grease of his fingers and around his mouth before he brought his hand on her back. "You okay?"

She abandoned picking at her donut as she rubbed her tired eyes with her fingers and released a shaky breath and turned to him with watery eyes, "Are _you_?"

Jax nodded slowly. "I will be when Abel wakes up."

Vanessa looked back at their sleeping boy and he could see her lips beginning to tremble before she closed her eyes and took another deep shaky breath. "Going through this it kills me Jax."

"I know," Jax agreed as he began rubbing her back hoping to relieve some of the tension that was building.

He was surprised when Vanessa took his free hand into her own hands and pressed a tender kiss to his knuckles and continued to hold it as some type of anchor, as she leaned into him causing him to abandon rubbing her back and instead wrapped his arm around her bringing her into his side.

They stayed in that position even when a knock came at the door and Gemma walked through.

"How's he doing?"

"Still sleeping," Jax replied to Gemma.

"Matt and Annabeth offered to take Thomas to their house to eat and sleep. You two should go home and freshen up as well." Jax felt Vanessa about to protest, but his mom cut her off with a meaningful look and didn't give Vanessa a chance to speak. "Just go home and change your clothes. Clay and I will be here with Abel. Trust me, you'll feel better. You two should go say goodbye to Thomas."

* * *

 

Arriving back at the house, Vanessa quickly announced she was going to jump in the shower while Jax, she assumed, nodded his head as she didn't receive a verbal reply. As she took an extremely hot shower and proceeded to change into a pair of black leggings and an cream colored oversized sweater, Gemma was right in saying taking a shower and changing would make her feel somewhat better. But she knew she wouldn't be alright until Abel fully woke up and the drugs left his system. Better yet, she would really be okay once he was home where she knew she was going to let her boy along with Thomas probably sleep in the bed with her just to have both of them close.

Vanessa quickly put some mousse in her hair and considering she was only going to the hospital she was going to let her hair air dry into its natural waves. She slipped on some socks with a pair of her black converse and walked down the hallway where she found Jax sitting in the kitchen. She thought as soon as she turned the water off, he would have quickly hopped in after her. A part of her thought he was even going to join her.

Instead as she walked closer to him, he was sitting at the wooden table quietly smoking a cigarette while he played with his Reaper Zippo lighter.

As she reached behind him, she placed her right hand on his leather clad shoulder while she moved to his side where he stopped playing with his lighter.

"Jax, are you going to get in the shower?"

He didn't respond to her question and instead he extinguished his cigarette. His hand now free reached across him and he grabbed her left hand that held her wedding and engagement rings. The position drew her body closer to him as he pressed his lips to her warm skin. Her right hand that was on his shoulder slid into his blonde hair that was askew from his hands wrecking it.

Her brows furrowed as she cupped his chin to try and force him to look at her. "Jax – "

"Can you sit down for a minute?" Jax asked her but he still wasn't looking at her. His gaze was focused firmly on her rings before he released her hand to sit down.

She took a sit across from him as she looked at him with concern.

His jaw was clenched and she realized his nostrils were flared that only meant one thing. He wasn't sad, but angry. And the words that left his lips made her world spin off its axis.

"Who is he?"


	11. Chapter 11

Vanessa went to respond, but she found herself at a loss for words as her mouth hung open. She found herself frozen in her seat as she knew she had no way out of this. There was no escaping this kitchen or the fact that Jax knew about her seeing someone else. Jax wasn't stupid and she knew from how she arrived at the hospital was the only clue he needed to know that something was up with her.

Jax finally looked at her his eyes set in fury. She didn't need his nostrils to flare to know he was pissed. She recognized his cold fury. Even beneath it she could see the hurt that she would do this to him. "Don't lie to me." He told her when a clench jaw.

She knew it would be pointless to lie, but she knew she needed to say her words carefully.

Vanessa closed her mouth and took a deep breath as she found her voice. "Jax…I –"

She wasn't prepared when he slammed his hand on the table as he stood up and knocked his chair over from the force. The abrupt movement caused her to jump in her own chair and to release a frighten squeal of shock as she coiled into herself.

Vanessa knew in her heart Jax would never lay his hands on her. But she knew her husband was a violent man. His hands were capable of many things that she tried not to dwell on. She also knew her husband had a limit. She believed he wouldn't hurt her, in her heart she clung to that belief, but she feared what he would do to Heath. She watched as the Reaper on his back stare at her as her husband gripped the edge of their countertop that his fingers were white. She was all too aware of the implications of what that Reaper meant.

"What's his name?" Jax growled.

Vanessa stood up from her chair as she tried to steady her heartbeat and reminded herself she didn't need to be scared of Jax despite the anger he may have been feeling at the moment. She walked slowly towards him, stopping halfway, "Jax –"

The words she was going to say died in her throat as Jax straightened his spin and clenched his fists. She wasn't prepared when he whipped around to face her and closed the distance between them. He backed her into the edge of the dining room table where it dug uncomfortably in her lower back. He had one hand gripping her left bicep painfully while with his other hand he had his ring covered finger pointing in her face, "Are you fucking him?"

As the words left his mouth his grip moved from painful to bruising and she bit back the wince. "Jax you-"

"Are you fucking him!" He roared in your face.

Any fear or calm nature she tried to hold on to instantly dissipated as she pushed him back hard. She rubbed her left arm that was surly red with his fingertips and moved away from their wooden kitchen table. She knew deep down he didn't have the right to be angry considering everything that he had done to her and he had crossed the line with grabbing her like that.

"You have no right to ask me that." Despite her voice being shaky, the cold venom was present. He didn't have the right to be mad or even ask that question after the countless women that he shared his bed with since they separated.

In his resolve, Vanessa thought she may have said the wrong thing as the raw fury that was in his face – his whole body – completely vanished. It seemed a mask fell over his face – a cold front – was aimed directly at her.

He didn't come near her. He slowly backed away from her and his eyes turned a cold hard steely blue. "I don't have the right to be angry when my _wife_ is fucking another man." He commented mockingly.

"So what? You can fuck that boney porn star, who I imagine is probably on your speed dial, but I'm supposed to keep my legs locked like a nun? What about the whores on your runs too?" She hissed at him and her eyes were fighting unshed tears as she felt the tip of her nose turn red as her emotions were breaching the surface.

Jax clenched his jaw while he glared at her. "You knew what you were getting into when you started fucking around with me Vanessa."

Vanessa looked at her husband in disbelief and hurt. The years of insecurity she felt with Jax surrounded by other woman exposed like a raw nerve. But being with Jax for six years, she knew she could go deeper. She knew where to hit him where it hurt. "So when I was mourning my daughter I should've known that instead of being here you would be off more concerned with getting your dick wet."

"She was _my_ daughter too!" Jax shouted causing Vanessa to visibly flinch from the volume of his voice and she clamped her mouth shut. She could see his eyes were becoming watery before he tore his gaze away from her and ran an agitated hand through his hair. She would not have been surprised if the dishes near him in the sink would have been thrown around the house. She and Jax did have a knack for destroying things in fits of rage.

When he finally turned to face her, she couldn't help but recoil slightly as he stalked to her. He didn't put his hands on her, but trapped her between his arms and body against the counter. She could admit she didn't have the will to look up at him in his cool blue eyes and instead focused on his patches, the Men of Mayhem one taunting her as he leaned down further towards her. His lips were right next to her ear.

"You better end this shit with the guy or you're going to find his body scattered along the fucking high way." He threatened.

His presence was gone immediately and she jumped when the front door to the house was opened than slammed shut rattling the whole house.

* * *

 

Vanessa stared at a random kitchen tile on the floor before she took a deep breath which turned into a broken sob she desperately tried to suppress. She felt hot tears dampen her cheeks which she hastily wiped away and she really tried to figure out why she was even crying in the first place.

She realized she had been standing in the same spot for ten minutes staring blankly at the floor and she needed to get back to the hospital. She moved away from the counter and went into Abel's room and grabbed him a change of clothes along with some toys for him and Thomas. The process only took about another ten minutes before she grabbed her keys and purse. As she walked outside with a small backpack, she was shocked to see Rat Boy keeping vigil outside. Jax and his bike were nowhere to be seen and she didn't even remember hearing him leave.

She gave a strained smile to Rat Boy who only hastily opened her car door for her before getting on his bike. She really gave the prospects props for being able to do what they were told mindlessly without any type of explanation.

It wasn't until they pulled into the parking lot of St. Thomas and had entered the building when Rat Boy spoke. "Are you okay, Mrs. Teller?"

Vanessa glanced at the boy who was looking at her with some concern which made her pause causing him to stop walking with her. "I'm okay all things considered."

He looked at her skeptically and she knew there was another question on the tip of his tongue that he would never dare to ask her due to club etiquette that came with being an old lady. Plus he was only a prospect. Instead, he cleared his throat. "Your eyes are really red." He mumbled awkwardly.

"Well crying does that."

* * *

 

Vanessa quickly made an appearance in the waiting room where Piney, Chibs, Bobby, and Tig were still sitting. She was informed that Opie went home to grab Donna. Juice was out buying some food. They all didn't comment on her puffy eyes or Jax wasn't there with her. She ignored the inquisitive look from Bobby as she explained that Jax left needing to go on a short ride.

Walking back into Abel's room, Clay was half asleep on the couch that was pushed against the opposite wall across from Abel's bed. Gemma was sitting in the chair that was formerly occupied by Jax with her reading glasses as she read the paper.

Gemma having a sixth sense in knowing when something was wrong especially when it came to Jax, in anyway, looked from her face to the space behind her expecting Jax to be there before her dark eyes looked back to her.

"Clay, we'll be in the hallway for a minute." Gemma said as she grabbed her arm and moved her out the room.

The latch to the door barely clicked back in his lock before Gemma was in front of her. Vanessa could admit she couldn't look at the biker matriarch in the eyes.

"He found out." Gemma guessed.

Vanessa crossed her arms and nodded her head as she was at lost for words or anything really.

"What he did he do? He hit you?" Gemma questioned neutrally.

Vanessa shook her head and risked a glance at Gemma who was scrutinizing her frame for any type of injury. "He threatened to kill him if I didn't end it."

"Does he know who it is?"

"No, no –"

"Mommy!"

Vanessa and Gemma turned to the sound and sight of Thomas, who was walking down the hall with her mom, Annabeth, and began sprinting down the hallway into her arms.

Vanessa pressed a kiss to her son's head while she held him closely as his arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

"I'm going to try and find him, sweetheart." Gemma said quietly before they went inside the room.

* * *

 

Vanessa had a napping Thomas on her lap while she sat in Abel's hospital room alone. She was worried that Abel was still sleeping, but the nurses and doctors assured her his body was trying to recoup from the strain on his heart and the surgery.

Plus on top of Jax being gone for almost an hour, she wasn't sure how much her heart could take in not knowing where he was at and what he was doing.

She wasn't going to defend him, but she knew he was going to be angry. He could be angry, but she was right in saying he didn't have the right to jump down her throat when he had women that weren't her keeping his bed warm.

But she knew Jax, no matter what and from the start, she knew that he would go on a homicidal rage for finding out. She didn't know why she thought she could have kept it a secret. Or maybe if she would have ended it when she said she was going to with Heath she wouldn't have to worry about this situation at all.

Vanessa knew she was at fault for all of this.

She tightened her grip on her baby boy while a knock came from the door. Thomas shifted a little and Donna's head popped in the room.

Vanessa brightened instantly at the sight of her best friend. Vanessa gingerly got up and walked over to the couch in Abel's room and placed Thomas on the couch where Clay rested on earlier and was thankful he didn't wake up.

Turning around she moved towards Donna and engulfed her in a hug.

"I'm glad Abel is okay," Donna said as they squeezed each other tightly before they pulled back. Vanessa couldn't help it, but she felt tears leak from her eyes that Donna immediately began brushing away. "Hey, everything's okay right?"

Vanessa ran her hands over her face before she sat down in one of the hospital chairs where Donna sat down next to her. Vanessa wondered if she looked as exhausted as she felt.

"Jax found out that I was seeing someone."

"He didn't hit you?" Donna asked gravely.

"No, of course not, he's just really pissed." Vanessa answered as her bottom lip got stuck between her teeth as pissed might have been an understatement.

"It was Collins?" Donna probed delicately.

Vanessa was only able to nod her head as she leaned back in the chair. The last thing she wanted was judgement from anybody regarding what she did and she knew she wouldn't have been able to handle it from Donna.

"Do you love him?"

"No," Vanessa affirmed and spared a glance at Donna who was looking at her with understanding. "After Sophia and Jax, I was lonely and wanted to feel good for once. Heath was able to feel that void."

"Have you –"

Donna doesn't get to finish her question as the door to the hospital room opened without any warning. Vanessa met the stony gaze of her husband, whose eyes quickly flicker from her to Abel to Donna than back to her.

As Vanessa looked at her husband she could see why people were terrified of him. Even if he didn't have the leather cut, the way he carried himself was menacing in itself. When they first got together, Jax was young with his boyish charm. His image reflected that with the long surfer hair as if he lived next to the ocean. As he got older, he kept the long hair, but only proceeded to grow a beard that she had grown to love and he knew he kept it just for her as she loved the feel of it against her skin.

Then to her frustration, he managed to get his ass locked up for a short sentence where he managed to replace his sinewy physique with muscle and shaved off his long locks and beard. Since then he grew out his hair and slicked it back and his beard changed length but he never got a clean shave.

Despite her husband being beautiful, she couldn't help but shiver in fear from the cold fury that was being emitted from him.

"Donna, I need a minute with my _wife_." Vanessa flinched as he emphasized the last word.

Donna didn't move immediately as she eyed Jax uncertainly before she gave a sad smile to her than proceeded to leave the room.

Vanessa risked a glance at Jax before her eyes flicked back over to Abel. Jax didn't say anything as he moved from the door to the seat next to her. She could feel his body heat burning her from his seat.

The silence was deafening.

She heard him shift in his seat before his voice broke the silence. "If you think I'm letting you divorce me, you got another thing coming."

Vanessa swallowed the lump that formed in her throat as she digested Jax's words. Words she already knew that were true from his actions in the past year.

She looked up at him and found his blue eyes staring directly at her. She moistened her dry lips and leaned back in her chair as she looked at Jax defiantly. "What about what I want?" She watched as his eyes turned into slits and she knew she should have stopped talking, but she didn't. "I'm not some patch or one of your whores you can order around."

"This isn't a fucking debate," he said through a clench jaw.

Now she was openly glaring at him.

"Your phone is vibrating," he added on and she became aware of the buzzing sound that was coming from her purse. "You better tell him it's over."


	12. Chapter 12

Vanessa didn't even spare Jax a glance as she looked at her buzzing phone and proceeded to leave the room. Like they both knew, identity unknown to Jax, it was Heath calling. The call went to voicemail and she was surprised to see she had 10 missed calls from him along with 10 texts.

She walked further down the hallway and eventually found a bathroom where she locked herself in the handicap stall. She even turned on the sink as if someone walked it the water would drown out some of the conversation she knew that might not be pleasant. Or better yet, if Jax sent a prospect to have their ear to the door.

Vanessa unlocked her phone and pressed the call back button. He answered his phone on the first ring.

"Are you okay? I heard what happened to Abel." Heath said with clear sadness and worry in his tone.

Vanessa leaned against the wall as she looked up at the white ceiling. "Yeah, it was just an episode with his heart. He is doing fine now."

"God, I'm so sorry. I should have never messed you-"

"Heath, it's over." Vanessa said cutting him off and on both ends of the phone there was complete silence besides the water running from her end.

"What?"

Vanessa took a deep breath as she began walking in a circle in the spacious stall. "I think it's time we ended this. I don't think I can give you what you need or want. I know I'll only hurt you in the end. You've been such a good friend – support – "

"Vanessa, stop." Heath said blankly and she did as she waited for his words. She heard him sigh a couple of times before he seemed to compose himself. "He found out, didn't he?"

"That's not the point, Heath. He has nothing to do with this." Vanessa said deflecting as the words were some version of the truth. Despite Jax's reaction, all him doing finding out was a catalyst to what she had been feeling lately regarding Heath.

"He has everything to do with this," he argued. "Did he do anything to you?" He suddenly asked and Vanessa was slightly pissed and concerned that a lot of people were assuming Jax would become violent with her.

"No," the disgust was clearly heard at the accusation. "He didn't and he would never do that to me."

Heath released a humorless chuckle. "You're going back to him aren't you?"

"It isn't like that." And frankly it wasn't any of his concern.

"So tell me what was it like?" He asked sarcastically. "I know he is probably pissed and frankly I'm surprised he isn't breaking down my door." Vanessa was silent on the other end as she didn't want to confirm or deny it, but her silence gave him his answer. "He doesn't know it's me does he?"

"Heath, can you not make this any harder than it needs to be." She pleaded softly.

"Can we at least talk in person?"

"Not now," Vanessa informed before she promptly hung up her phone and turned off the faucets.

She looked in the mirror and she wished she had some makeup because she looked pale and exhausted. She looked terrible and felt even worse. But to cover her tracks she deleted her call log of all Heath's calls and his thread of text messages.

She walked back to Abel's room, where Thomas was up and in Jax's lap doing his favorite hobby and pulling on Jax's beard. Every time Jax would make a pained face, Thomas would erupt in giggles.

"Why do you like hurting daddy so much?" Jax asked innocently to his son.

"You make silly faces." Thomas pointed out before giving Jax a hard tug.

The door closed softly, but it was enough to grab Thomas' attention where he scrambled off Jax's lap and immediately into her arms.

"Hey baby," she said softly as she pressed a kiss to his head. She deliberately tried to ignore Jax's gaze on her figure.

"Can we draw some pictures for Abie, mommy?" Thomas asked.

"Of course, sweetheart."

Thomas wiggled out her arms while he went over to the couch and unzipped his backpack that held his crayons and blank sheets of paper.

Vanessa sat on the ground next to her little boy who was giving her some paper before he looked up at his father and asked expectantly. "Are you going to color too, daddy?"

Vanessa risked a glance at Jax who seemed genuinely surprised by the request, but made his way over to the small table as she sat down on the ground. Thomas was positioned between them.

Vanessa and Jax both put on a brave face and marveled at the picture Thomas was drawing, which was a rendition of a family portrait. Vanessa's heart crumbled just a little.

Thomas was putting the finishing touches on the picture while Vanessa was drawing a rather poor rendition of a dog and she seen Jax was actually drawing a decent sketch of a bike when a small moan reached their ears.

Vanessa immediately abandoned coloring as she all but ran over to Abel. She could see his eyelids fluttering before she was looking at the same shade of blue eyes that he inherited from his father.

"Abel, baby, mommy, daddy, and Tommy are here." Vanessa said softly as her son turned his head towards her voice.

"Mommy…daddy?" Abel said softly.

It was only then she felt Jax's presence beside her where he was holding Thomas who was itching to hug his brother.

"We're here, baby." Vanessa said through the relief that was taking over body as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to Abel's head. As she pulled back she made sure to wipe the tears that she felt spilling.

"Can I give Tommy a hug?"

Vanessa looked at Jax who had a smile on his face as he looked down at Abel. "Of course, buddy."

Vanessa moved back from the bed as Jax leaned down and Thomas and Abel hugged each other tightly.

"I drew pictures for you Abie." Thomas announced to his brother. Vanessa didn't even comment on it as Jax placed Thomas on the bed with Abel mentioning he needed to be careful. She smiled at the sight of her two boys and was surprised when Jax pulled her into him, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

After Dr. Namid came in and checked over Abel giving him and Vanessa in layman terms about where to go from here as in making sure Abel was taking his meds, and saying in front of Abel that he would have to stop playing soccer which ended in a hissy fit, Jax had excused himself and informed the guys and his mom about Abel being awake then he made his way outside to smoke a cigarette.

He felt he could breathe a little bit easier now that Abel was awake and fine. But the state of his marriage was totally something different.

"You hit her?"

Jax jumped at the sound of Opie's voice. "Of course not." He said insulted at the insinuation. Jax felt himself going sick if he thought people would think he would put his hands on Vanessa or any women.

Opie accepted the answer. "You know who it was?"

"I have my suspicions." Jax said and he didn't know if he wanted it to confirm.

Jax could admit he was possessive and protective over Vanessa. He thought when he was 16, he knew what love was. With Tara, he loved her and at a point he thought it was that crazy suicidal love where if they were apart for a second, he would go crazy. When she left him, he thought he knew what heartbreak was. He remembered it being more like devastation and he thought his world was going to fucking end being the melodramatic teenager he was.

But this…Vanessa was a whole another level. It wasn't as if she left him _yet_. It was the thought of her living her life without him that gutted him.

Just the idea of any man knowing his wife intimately made him want to go on a goddamn killing spree Tig and Happy would wish they could be able to partake in. It was gutting him knowing that someone knew what she felt like – tasted like. Someone knew all the sounds she made and what spots elicited toe curling reactions out of her.

Jax felt his heart was literally being torn in half.

A very small part of him thought it wouldn't hurt as bad if he knew it was just sleeping around on her part. A part of him believes for her it was probably sleeping around, but knowing Vanessa there had to be some emotional connection. And he had to keep chanting to himself in his head that he was guilty of doing the same thing to Vanessa, without any emotional connection. It was part of the reason why everything was in the shitter.

But the one emotion he felt that he didn't think he had ever felt before was betrayal. Because he knew that a relationship had probably formed between her and this man, who he was pretty sure he knew who it fucking was.

But he guessed he knew what it felt like.

Vanessa wrote some notes for the substitute teacher in her lesson plans as she got things ready for her week absence due to Abel's hospital visit. Abel had gone home yesterday and that meant Jax was now back in the house for the whole week surely. Vanessa had her theory that after that he was most likely going to be back in the house permanently.

Since Jax found out, if it didn't have anything to do with the boys, they didn't speak or glance in each other's direction. And she had the prospect trailing after her like a shadow again.

So she was surprised Rat Boy let anyone in the room. She had colorfully organized the packets she wanted passed out to her students when Heath had entered the room. She had purposefully been ignoring all his calls the past three days and she really did not want to talk to him despite the fact they needed too.

Her eyes flickered to Rat Boy who no doubt knew the man was Abel's former soccer coach.

"Can you give us a minute?" Vanessa asked as she looked at Rat Boy who looked like he was going to refute, but got up from the desk he was lounging in and walked outside the classroom. She was grateful he at least didn't have his kutte on. She walked to the door and closed it and didn't miss how Rat was on his phone no doubt texting Jax that she was talking to someone of the male species.

"Are you okay?" Heath asked once the door was firmly shut.

Vanessa nodded her head. "Abel's fine so that is all that matters."

Heath pursed his lips in a thin line and put his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He moved closer to where she was standing which made Vanessa walked back to her desk to put some distance between them and grabbed her messenger bag. "Look, I'm sorry – "

"Is Jax forcing you into taking him back and to do this?" His voice was sad as he asked. There wasn't any malicious just despondency.

Vanessa's grip tightened on her bag slightly as she felt like an asshole and a terrible human being. "Jax isn't forcing me to do anything, okay. What was going on between us…I wasn't right for starting anything with you."

Vanessa watched as Heath's face turned blank and a hard cold look overtook his eyes any sadness or amiability disappears. "So you were just using me?"

Vanessa opened her mouth to refute as it wasn't her intention, but it was just how it played out in the grand scheme of things. She shook her head as she tried to find the right words. "I – "

Heath cut her off as he moved closer to her, "I bet you wanted Jax to find out. You just use people like lying cheating thug of a husband."

Vanessa ignored the sting of her hand as she took in satisfaction at the red mark that was on his cheek.

It was only a millisecond later when the classroom door burst open. "Everything okay in here?" Rat asked as his eyes narrowed on the red mark on Heath's cheek.

Vanessa grabbed her purse and bag and didn't even glance in Heath's direction as she left. "Everything is just fine."

* * *

 

_A month later_

Vanessa was flipping pancakes on the griddle while she tried to cheer up her baby boy. Since his stint in the hospital, his moods had rivaled Jax's, especially since he wasn't able to play soccer for the rest of the season. Then his teachers had commented that his sour mood followed him from home to the classroom.

Thomas, of course, was a whole different issue. He was still the happy go lucky kid and was marveling in the fact his dad was home every day and surprisingly Jax made it home for dinner every night.

"I don't want to go to school." She heard Abel mumble from the table.

"Abel it's only Sunday. You still have a whole day to enjoy." She said glancing back to him where he was scowling at his glass of orange juice.

Vanessa turned her attention back to the pancakes that she knew wouldn't make her boy happy. "Do you want to help mommy set the table?"

Abel didn't verbally reply, but he got up from his set and carefully grabbed the utensils and plates she had setting on the counter.

She was placing the food on the large platters in the middle of the table when she heard the sound of two distinctly different footsteps coming down the hall. Vanessa heart instinctively began racing and her stomach became queasy.

With the month that had passed, there was no leeway with her and Jax's relationship. She most definitely was walking on eggshells around him.

As Thomas came into the kitchen, she went through her normal routine of giving him his morning kiss and hug while Jax gave Abel a kiss on the head. She would also help Thomas into his chair at the table. Jax would pour himself a cup of coffee that she had ready for him in the pot before he would take a seat while he waited for her to be finished with cooking.

Then they would eat. The boys ran most of the conversation as they made Jax promise to take them to various things. She watched with her usual sad strained smile.

She was cleaning the kitchen while the boys were watching cartoons. Jax disappeared to the back of the house to get dressed for the day. Despite the stunted conversations it seemed like a better morning than most. She was drying some dishes when Jax came back into the kitchen and stood at the counter opposite from her with his arms crossed.

"I have to go on a run for a couple days. I was trying to put it off, but it needs my attention."

Vanessa didn't say anything, but nodded her head understandingly. She knew considering he was home at reasonable times that he must have been placing some of his responsibilities as President unto other members. She placed her towel down and turned to her husband who didn't even try to hide he had been burning a hole in her head. "Do you need help packing?"

"Nah, I'm already packed."

"Okay." She said before she turned and began wiping down the kitchen sink.

He stood behind her for a few seconds before he headed into the living room to say goodbye to the boys and promising to bring them back a souvenir. She watched as both Abel and Thomas squeezed him tightly as he placed a kiss on their heads before he got up and headed to the door.

Vanessa walked to the doorframe and softly called out Jax's name which caused him to stop and look at her with a curious expression. She managed a semblance of a smile. "Have a safe trip."

He gave her a nod of the head before walking out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

Jax enjoyed going on long rides. It gave him time to clear his head and gather his thoughts. He was able to take a step back from the very things that were clouding his head. Even though with Abel's recent hospital scare, even though the need to be on such a long run was not high on his priority, this space was needed especially in regards to him and Vanessa. In the past month neither of them had taken the steps to figure out what they were doing.

The only thing Jax knew was divorce was not an option, but maybe it was what needed to be done. He could tell Vanessa was scared of him, not physically, but what he was doing to her emotionally. He didn't make matters better with his cold front and distance. Yet half the time he didn't know whether he wanted to rip her clothes off and put his claim on her and clearly remind her that her pussy belonged to him or mutilate the man that touched his wife. Honestly, he wanted to do both, but the latter meant coming to terms with what happened.

Maybe that was why he was so scared – territorial – when it came to her. There were certain criteria that made a great Old Lady. Besides in him telling her everything or nothing, there was the fact it was made abundantly clear that she didn't need him, she was smart in knowing how to navigate in his world, she knew how to keep him in his place, and of course, she had the looks and skills in keeping him coming home every night. And knowing how in the past year she could live without him that scared the shit out of him.

That deep rooted insecurity was itching to surface when it came to her. Despite Vanessa being raised in Charming like him, they grew up in different worlds. She was smart and the most beautiful woman to him. He remembered when she first came back from college from San Diego State, their first encounter wasn't much. He thought it might have been at the Fun Town carnival where she was at with some old friends of hers from high school. He recalled the only interaction was a simple smile and a few giggles of her friends. Knowing him he probably slept with one of them, but he distinctly remembered Vanessa Givens always being beautiful in her white shorts and navy t-shirt, but there was just an innocence with her beauty. She returned from college a fucking woman – a vixen. It was noticeable she had grown and remembered that smile and how she had trapped her bottom lips between her teeth as they caught each other eyes before she looked away. She was always a fucking tease.

The next time, they saw each other and actually spoke was at his mom's annual fundraiser for Charming. It was then when he learned a little more about her and how she got a job a Pilgrim Grove which was pretty impressive considering she was just a recent graduate. She made him work for it though, his revolving door of women was well known throughout Charming, and Jax could admit he was a little bit thrilled by the chase. It was nice having a little push and pull and having to work towards getting into her bed. He couldn't recall ever having to do that since Tara. It was nice for a change, but what he didn't expect was to become obsessed and hit by cupid's fucking arrow.

But the first time he felt that insecurity when it came to her was when he decided to stop by her work and bring her lunch. Something he never thought he would do. He even took off his cut out of respect for her job. It was a fight with the secretary in getting her to call Vanessa and he already knew his reputation proceeded as when Vanessa did arrive to the front office the secretary couldn't hide her disbelief and disgust that Vanessa was seeing him. Vanessa never made him feel inferior, even as she introduced him to her coworkers, but he couldn't help but see she had a future. And the words Tara spewed to him about Charming being poison and a cesspool haunted him in that moment. Even if the club was okay and occasionally would hit the feds radar there was always that stink from just being associated.

But Jax was a selfish man and he fell hard. Plus it didn't help that only a few months later, she was showing him a positive pregnancy test.

As Jax pulled into the parking lot of the SAMTAZ clubhouse, he knew he really needed this run for him and Vanessa.

...

On second thought, Jax believed he shouldn't have ever left. He was close to waiting to kill Armando, the president, and Huff, the vice president, and practically the whole goddamn charter. At first, when the rumor reached the mother charter, Jax didn't believe it and initially brushed it aside considering it was right around Abel's hospital stint. Club business really took a backseat to his family then. But then Bobby, Opie, and Chibs brought it up to him again saying they needed to handle this as this would make it seem okay for other charters.

So to keep as if the mother charter was oblivious, Jax suggested they make a surprise visit. And low and behold, the Tucson charter of SAMCRO was dealing fucking meth with skinheads. There wasn't any by law forbidding carters how they made their money, but drugs was something the mother charter and he expected other charters to not dabble in. Jax knew guns wasn't that much better or on a higher moral ground, but Jax knew junkies and junkies couldn't be trusted and he didn't want his club enabling that shit.

But what really had him wanting to go on a murderous range was that Huff was whining about how SAMCRO got to reap the rewards of the gun business despite the fact they used SAMTAZ to do protection runs for their partners in their area.

Despite all the back and forth, the charters reached an impasse on how to handle it and the club already voted it in so he highly doubted they would revoke it considering they were greedy bastards.

The only thing Jax and his club could do was take SAMTAZ off protection and gun runs which he had a feeling they would vote for as them dealing drugs on top of handling guns was a big risk.

Despite, the animosity that was in church, it didn't leak out into the party afterwards. At that point, Jax was ready for bed and he was content with his bottle of Jack. However, it seemed the croweaters weren't getting that memo as he didn't know how many he had batted away as they vied for his attention. It was downright annoying considering it wasn't as if it was a secret he had been married for six years despite the run policy bullshit.

Plus, despite how much he was angry at Vanessa, like Opie told him weeks ago, him sticking his dick into anything wasn't going to solve anything. It was only going to make everything worse. So instead, he ordered the Prospect behind the bar to give him another whole bottle of Jack before he made his way down to his dorm for the night.

* * *

 

Against her better judgment, Vanessa invited her parents over for dinner. Her parents were of course helpful in the past month with Abel's hospitalization. Her parents were great grandparents, but she found them to be questionable parents.

She knew she shouldn't have invited them especially since Jax wasn't there. They knew that he was back in the house. She almost threw up with how much her mom went on and on about it. Vanessa for a moment thought her mom should've just married Jax with how much she was gushing about the man.

Vanessa placed a spoonful of ziti on Abel's plate and a smaller portion of ziti on Thomas' and prayed the boy wouldn't eat messy tonight.

Surprisingly the meal was pleasant. There was no mention of Jax or their marital status. It was a nice simple dinner with her dad talking about the butcher shop and promising Abel a day with him.

But of course as soon as the boys went to watch TV before bath time. Their routine the same practically every night, her and her parents were still at the table nursing some wine when her mother brought up Jax.

"You know, Vanessa, I would've thought with what happened it would have brought you two together."

Vanessa took a long sip of her wine to hide the roll of her eyes. "It's more complicated than that mom."

"Are _you_ even trying to make it work?" Matt accused.

Vanessa looked at her parents with disbelief. "Why is it up to me to work on anything? Jax broke _my_ trust. I was grieving and my husband was fucking other women. I'm sorry if that is something I can't just sweep under the rug." Vanessa got up from the kitchen table and began cleaning up. Her parents got the message that they could show themselves out.

She had just put the dishes in the dishwasher when the house phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Nes, it's me." Came the smooth silky voice over the phone.

Vanessa's brows furrowed as Jax never really called when it was on a short run. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to call check in. Talk to the boys before they went to bed." Jax said and her heart beat slowed as she was relieved nothing was wrong.

"Oh okay, one second."

Vanessa walked into Abel's room, where the boys were at, and handed Abel the phone and but had put it on speaker so both boys could talk to their father while she went into the kitchen to clean up.

She was wiping down the counters and had gone and emptied the trash when she walked back in to the kitchen and found Abel extending the phone to her.

"Daddy wants to talk to you."

Vanessa gave her son a small smile as she grabbed it and put it off speaker. "Can you and Tommy get ready for your baths?"

Abel nodded and dashed down to his room. Vanessa took a deep breath and placed the phone on her ear. "Jax?"

"Abel told me your parents were there for dinner?"

Vanessa sighed as she leaned against the counter. "Yeah, it's been a few weeks since our weekly dinners couldn't put it off."

"They didn't say anything did they?"

"They always have something to say, Jax," Vanesa muttered. "I guess it's better than them hating you."

Jax chuckled before he said lowly. "Not at your expense."

Vanessa bit her lip as she was unsure what to say. Eventually she cleared her throat, "Is everything okay down there?"

"Honestly, I feel like putting a bullet through all their skulls and shutting down this damn charter."

Vanessa couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat despite what he was saying not being remotely funny. "Wow that bad?"

"It ain't easy being king," he muttered.

"Mommy!" She heard yelled down the hallway. Now Jax was laughing on the other end.

"It's not funny Jax." She hissed in the phone.

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, goodnight, Jax."

"Goodnight, babe."

"Mommy!" She heard yelled again from Thomas.

"I'm coming. I'm coming."

* * *

 

Jax was sitting outside the clubhouse of SAMTAZ and was going to find someplace where he could go find some type of souvenir for his boys that he promised when Opie came out.

"You're up early."

"Promised the boys I bring them back something," Jax said as he strapped on his helmet.

Opie nodded his head and ran a hand through his long beard. "You still pissed about yesterday?"

"What's your take on this shit?"

"I mean it brings more heat to what we already do and it's not like there is any by-law we ever established regulating how charters want to make money, but I don't think it is in the best interest for us to have them involved with any of the gun business." Opie said. 

"Everyone else on board with that?" Jax prodded as on his half he didn't even try to mingle with his brothers as he was too pissed and a little bit road weary.

"We support you, Prez."

Jax rolled his eyes as he sat on his bike and looked at his best friend. "Hey, you ever think about if we didn't sell guns?"

Opie looked at him surprised and took a few seconds to gather his answer. "The guys like the money too much. You thinking about going legit?"

"I'm thinking about my sons." Jax told him before starting his bike.

* * *

 

"I thought taking him out of soccer was only for this season. Not for the entire summer." Gemma said to Vanessa as they were preparing lunch while the boys were playing with Piney as he was the only one that didn't go on the run. She was surprised Clay had went, but it seemed like Gemma was enjoying Clay being gone. 

"It was the plan, but I'm thinking of maybe signing up for tee ball and by next year he can play actual baseball." Vanessa explained as she made her banana pudding.

"I thought Abel didn't like tee ball?" Gemma questioned.

Vanessa sighed and she really wished Gemma would drop it. Unfortunately Gemma saw the look of irritation that passed her face.

"What's that look for?" Gemma said as she balled up the meat for the meatballs. "I understand his heart is an issue baby, but this attitude he has…he loved playing soccer and I loved watching him. Did you discuss this with Jax?"

"No."

"So you made this decision without his say," Gemma added before accidentally squished the ball of meat in her hand. "Shit. It was that fucking coach wasn't it." Gemma turned to her daughter in law. "Don't deny it. Hell, I'm surprised no one else found out. That man couldn't hide his attraction for you. Does Jax know?"

"I think he has his suspicions."

"And he didn't kill this man?' Gemma asked in disbelief. "Look you should be there when they come home."

"I don't think that a good idea. I don't think Jax would even want me there." Vanessa pointed out.

"It's not about what either of you. It's about appearance. And maybe this is what you two need. Baby steps."

...

Despite her hesitation, Vanessa found herself sitting on the small bench in the enclosure outside the clubhouse that held the swing set for the kids to play on. Donna, of course, was sitting next to her after they done their rounds in greeting various people as the Old Ladies of the president and vice president.

It was weird being back on the clubhouse fully embracing the role as Old Lady. It had been so long that she was here on the lot other than to drop off the boys and she felt nervous and a little bit agitated. Mostly because of the croweaters and pornstars that were filling the lot. It just seemed like an endless abundance of women that had Vanessa slightly concerned and annoyed. Despite not wanting her sons around questionable women, she couldn't take the looks at the moment. Everyone by now was aware of her and Jax's marital status and that infamous day on the lot.

She knew it was a slight sign of weakness on her part for how she was handling being here, but she was unsure of how Jax was going to take it.

Donna's arm went across her shoulders snapping her out of her thoughts. "They're coming."

Vanessa nodded her head and motioned for the boys to follow her as they latched onto her hands bubbling with excitement that their daddy was coming home. She walked over to stand in front of the office of TM next to Gemma, Donna, Ellie, Kenny, and the boys, while they watched the procession of bikes enter the lot.

She tried to ignore the warm feeling that pooled in her stomach at the sight of Jax on his bike, who even had a smile on his face at the sight of her and the boys. She definitely ignored the flip of her stomach when the boys ran to him and he picked up both of them with a blinding smile.

She didn't know she had moved from her spot on the sidelines until Jax looked at her with some surprise. Not bothering to chicken out and knowing there were a lot of eyes were on them, she stepped forward and brought Jax into a hug and she was taken back with how tight he hugged her. In reaction, she tightened her arms around him some more. It was different from her usual greeting where she would run into his arms and wrapped her legs around him pressing a searing kiss to his lips.

"I'm glad you're home." She whispered into his kutte.

He didn't say anything, but placed a kiss to the side of her head before he detangled himself from her and went to greet his mom.

"See you were worried for nothing."

Vanessa rolled her eyes at Donna.

...

After Jax made face as President with her occasional at his side, he had turned his attention solely on the boys who he was now pushing on the swing set.

The party wasn't festive as she would have imagined as usually after an hour in attending she took the boys home before it got to rowdy. But they had been here for a couple hours. She gathered the run didn't go well. She was curious as to what the run was even about, but considering the status of her relationship with Jax he probably wouldn't have told her.

"I'm going to get a pop. You want one?" Vanessa asked Donna as she got up from the picnic table.

"A water please."

Vanessa made her way to one of the various barrels filled with beverages and after practically submerging her arm in the ice cold water she found a Sprite. However, there wasn't any water. She walked over to another barrel that was behind the boxing ring and had submerged her arm halfway when she felt the water bottle.

She turned around and couldn't help, but groan when she came face to face with Ima. Honestly, the woman was like an annoying fly.

"You know your pathetic little self should go home along with your little brats and let some real women take care of Jax." Ima sneered with a satisfied smug on her face.

Vanessa took a deep breath as the last thing she wanted was to deal with rancid porn pussy and she tried to remember the last time she needed to deal with any croweater or porn slut. "You do know he was thinking of me when he was inside you." Vanessa snapped back. "You could've been anyone. You were just a random hole."

Vanessa didn't bother waiting for a response as she bypassed Ima purposefully knocking into the girl's shoulder making her stumble.

"Hey," Vanessa felt a hand enclose around her arm. Usually she wouldn't probably snap at the person who dared to grab her, but there was only one person she knew in a pack clubhouse who would do that. "You okay?"

Vanessa nodded her head as the last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene. And she was tired of being annoyed by Ima's presence and the constant reminders of Jax's initial infidelity. "Yeah, I'm fine. Good." She told Jax giving him a forced smile. His eyes flickered passed her due to the annoying sound of slapping hooker heels and she saw his eyes turn to slits while his nostrils flared before he took a deep breath.

"Come on, Donna needs us."

Vanessa let herself be led over to inside the clubhouse where it seemed Donna had abandoned the picnic bench.

"The boys?"

"They're inside with Grandma and Grandpa."

Vanessa nodded her head as he opened the door for her. She found Donna and Opie standing in the middle of the clubhouse both looking excited. Jax led them to the front of the pack and stood behind her with his hands on hips. She presumed he must have nodded for Opie to begin as he began talking.

"Well I think it's no brainer the run was a little crappy," Opie began with a few murmurs of an Amen. "But I want to thank all my brothers and family for being here. As you guys know, Donna and I've been together since we were sixteen got married at 20 and we have two beautiful kids. And I'm happy to announce, we're adding another one."

Vanessa watched with wide eyes at the announcement as she watched Donna beam up at Opie as he leaned down and kissed her. Vanessa walked out of Jax's hold where she immediately hugged Donna. "I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner."

"I'm sorry. I wanted it to be a surprise." Donna said as she pulled back with a concerned look. "Are you okay with this?"

"What?" Vanessa asked confused before it dawned on her what it meant. "Donna, yes, I'm fine."

"Okay," Donna said smiling brightly. "And we want you and Jax to be the godparents."

Vanessa smiled brightly as she gave Donna another tight hug.

After having a view celebratory drinks and even giving Kenny and Ellie kisses and hugs, Vanessa found herself heading back outside of the clubhouse.

She was really happy for her friend, but she needed a moment for herself.

Sometimes she wished she smoked cigarettes, but when she was constantly chasing after two boys, she needed her lungs at full capacity.

She grabbed a Sprite since her initial one was stolen by Abel and sat down a little further away from the clubhouse doors so she wouldn't be noticed. However, not even five minutes later, the door was opened and she was surprised to see Opie come out and immediately found her.

"Knew I would've found you out here."

Vanessa snorted as Opie took a seat next to her and lit a cigarette.

Since Opie was Jax's best friend, Vanessa was one of those girls who made it an effort to get to know her significant others friends. Plus, she was surprised how much the two men could handle being around each other every day, so it made it easy for her to get to know the ridiculously tall man.

"You okay?"

Vanessa nodded her head. "Yeah. You ready for another baby?"

"Yeah, I thought Kenny and Ellie were going to be it, but having one more won't hurt."

"I think you guys might be having twins." Considering Donna was a twin after all. 

Opie groaned. "Oh god, don't say that."

Vanessa smiled while she took a sip of her Sprite.

Opie took a long drag of his cigarette. "You know Jax loves you, right? More than he loved anyone. I can admit at first with you becoming pregnant so fast with Abel and the marriage that I honestly didn't think it was going to last."

Vanessa side eyed him and drawled. "Thanks, Ope."

Opie bumped her shoulder. "I mean you know how difficult Jax is."

"Yeah, I know."

"Jax can't live without you." Opie stated bluntly.

Vanessa played with the tab of her pop can as she didn't really know how to respond to that. "You know I don't thank you enough for watching his back out there."

Opie threw his arm around her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her head.

They heard the clubhouse doors open and a small figure emerged before the unmistakable voice of Abel screamed, "Mommy!"

"I take it that's my signal it's time to go."


	14. Chapter 14

 

Vanessa squeezed the excess water out her dark hair while she stepped out the shower and wrapped herself in a big fluffy towel. She went to the mirror and ran her comb through her hair that had already grew in some length. She was surprised to find how much she actually liked having short hair and decided she was probably going to keep it short for a while. She felt the long hair made her look more mature and maybe that she had her life together. Plus it was easier to manage.

Setting down her plastic comb and throwing away the discarded hair, she made her way out of the bathroom and turned off the light. She stilled at the sight of Jax sitting on the edge of the bed. His kutte and shoes were off leaving him in his hoodie, white t-shirt, and jeans. His elbows were resting on his thighs and he seemed to be deep in thought as he stared at a random spot in their carpet.

Jax had offered to get the boys settled down and into bed considering the excitement of the day and even offered to be in charge of their baths in the morning. Vanessa wasn't going to complain about the slight change in the boys' return as it gave her a break and told him she was going to jump in the shower.

She clutched her towel that was knotted a little bit to the side as she walked slowly in front of him. "You okay?" She asked him softly.

Jax's azure eyes looked up into her brown ones and he sat up straighter. "Are you?"

Vanessa frowned slightly at his question and she clutched her towel tighter. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Jax sighed and ran a hand down his face and looked away from her for a second before he turned back to look at her, "The announcement."

Vanessa closed her eyes as she felt like shit as she didn't consider how Jax would've felt with the announcement about Opie and Donna having a baby. "Are you okay about it?"

She didn't believe him when he nodded his head, but his eyes zoned in on her flat stomach. "I just think about her."

She watched as Jax's hand moved to no doubt touch her stomach, but on reflex her hand intercepted as she stepped back out of reach from him.

She couldn't take the pained look that overcame his features before he broke eye contact with her and dropped his hand. The room was encased in an awkward silence. Vanessa walked away to the dresser to put some clothes on.

She was digging for a pair of underwear and had grabbed some simple black boy shorts when she heard some movement behind her. She assumed Jax was leaving the room, but instead she caught Jax's reflection in the mirror where he was standing behind her.

She looked at him bewildered through the mirror.

His eyes connected with hers through the mirror. "I just want to take care of you."

Vanessa gripped the knot on her towel again as she dropped her underwear from her hands. She licked her lips before she below out a breath and uttered words she truly meant. "Then _take_ care of me."

She turned around and looked at her husband waiting for him to make his move. He stalked towards her slowly before he wove his decorated fingers through her damp hair and brought her into a deep hard kiss. She wasn't even aware of the desperate sound that escaped her mouth as she clutched him tighter. The kiss was both slow and frantic.

She felt Jax moving her away from the dresser and down to their bed. They need for air became overwhelming, they broke away panting against each other's mouth. She didn't miss the unadulterated need and hunger in his eyes that she was sure was reflected in her eyes as well. God, she hated him as much as she loved him.

He leaned down again and brought her into a soft kiss that left her breathless once more before he moved to her jaw than neck while his hand snaked between them and untucked her towel from her body. He pulled away from her again as he took sight of her naked body and threw the towel on the floor.

He made quick work of removing his various layers of shirts and only left himself in his black boxers. He crawled back over her and she expected him to place as kiss on her lips but instead he went for her jaw and then to the spot on her neck the drove her crazy while he suck and bit harshly before soothing it with his tongue.

Once he was done with one side, he made quick work on the other, and groped her breasts before he traveled down where she ached the most. She wasn't even embarrassed with how hot, desperate, and wet she was for his touch. The first few gentle circles made her gasp than moan as she longed for more. She hated how much her body missed his touches.

"Did he touch you like this?"

Vanessa eyes flew open and she looked at Jax where she saw a little bit of sadness and jealousy in his eyes. She had no idea where he was going with his words as she stared at him confused.

"Answer me," he growled and she thought he was going to stop his teasing, but instead she let out moan when he inserted a finger in her knuckle deep.

Biting her lip she was only able to nod her head as she began rocking against his hand.

He turned his attention to her breast and she gasped when his tongue teased her nipple and his mouth closed around it before popping off as he looked at her again. "Were you in his bed?"

"Yeah," she whispered breathlessly and whined when Jax removed his fingers from her, but she watched with hooded eyes as he sucked her juices off his finger. She could see the anger and lust battling in his eyes.

He leaned down and nibbled on her ear where he asked heatedly. "Were you in our bed?"

That question took her by surprised and she didn't want to answer. "Jax, where –"

"Tell me," he pleaded and inside of mad there was desperation coloring his voice.

She closed her eyes and nodded her head.

She wasn't prepared for the hard kiss to her lips before he began a painstakingly slow trail kisses from her mouth to her hips as an answer. She squirmed in anticipation and with no preamble he threw one leg over his shoulder and utterly devoured her. She pulled at his hair and clawed at his muscular shoulders. She wouldn't have been surprised if she ripped the sheets with her nails with how hard she gripped them. She was thankful their boys were hard sleepers as the moans that were leaving her mouth were embarrassingly loud. Being Jax, he never relented in the assault. With the combination of him reaching up groping her breasts and then adding his fingers, she didn't care if she suffocated him as her legs closed tightly on his head and she gripped the roots of his hair hard as she practically screamed with her release.

Her legs felt like jelly as Jax placed a few kisses on her thighs before traveling back up. He brought her into a deep hard kiss where she could taste herself on his lips.

"Did you like it?" He asked against her lips and it was then she realized he had taken off his boxers. Despite the question, she knew she wasn't talking about this, but Heath.

Her hands found his hair that was wrecked by her hands as she looked in him the eyes. "He wasn't you, Jax." She said as she slid her legs up around his hips.

His hand slid from her thigh to her knee aligning her a little higher. His hand purposely skimmed over her crow along the journey.

"You're mine," he growled as she gasped as her eyes shut in ecstasy as he entered her while Jax's head fell to the curve of her neck where she heard a mixture of a growl and a groan. "You're mine." She heard growled again in her ear before she felt his hands in her hair and a well control snap of his hips caused her to open her eyes up at him.

"I'm yours," she told him breathlessly as he set his pace to slow, measured movements.

"Tell me you love me." He demanded.

Vanessa gripped his hair and brought him down to her lips. "I love you so much that it fucking hurts." She told him before she flipped them so she was on top.

"Tell me you love me." She said as she rolled her hips just the way she knew Jax liked. A part of her felt pride and turned on that despite the various women her husband had been with, she was the only one with the knowledge of what really made him tick and really bring him to his knees.

He moaned quite loudly before his hands found her hips and he looked up at her. Blue and brown collided. "I love you more than you'll ever know." He told her before he flipped them over placing him back on top.

She couldn't help the tears that built behind her eyes and dropped down her cheeks. She clutched him close to her body and reveled in the one way Jax always showed her that he did indeed love her.

* * *

 

Vanessa eyes popped open and she winced as she moved her neck as it felt sore. And as she remembered the source of her sore neck, she grimaced. As she got her bearings it was then she became aware of the tattooed arm that was thrown across her waist as she felt and heard Jax breathing behind her. It was also when she realized she was naked and of the mess between her thighs.

Vanessa couldn't up but think the two of them really fucked up. They were not emotionally ready to be sleeping with each other again despite what their bodies was doing last night. Then she remembered their declaration of love and Jax's words of practical ownership of her. Although, she knew she never stopped loving Jax and she believed he knew that too. There was just too much shit between them. But she also thought maybe them or really she needed to let it all go. Start a blank page for them and their marriage.

It was then she heard a soft knock on the door when she realized that was what probably woke her up. She removed herself carefully from Jax's hold and grabbed Jax's white t-shirt from last night and her black panties that she never had a chance to put on. She even glanced in the mirror and sighed at the complete havoc Jax did on her neck. So for good measure she even slipped on Jax's hoodie since she didn't have her long hair anymore to cover her neck.

She opened the door where she found Abel looking at her impatiently. "I'm hungry."

Vanessa smiled as all her boys were such demanding little things. "Okay, come on."

Vanessa was in the process of making French toast, per Abel's request, while she allowed him to watch his cartoons while she cooked.

She was almost done with their meal when she heard another pair of footsteps. She found Thomas yawning and was only his pair of boxer briefs. She was quite amused as he looked like the spitting image of his father and she made a note to remind Jax that underwear was not pajamas.

Thomas found his usual chair at the table and she watched as he looked around the kitchen and into the living room. "Where's daddy?"

Her breath caught in her throat as she knew her boys were getting used to the fact Jax was back in the house and last night she probably ruined that for them. She went to tell him that Jax was sleeping, but he came strolling into the kitchen only in a pair of sweatpants.

She didn't hide her glare as she knew he had to have noticed the two hickeys on his neck and as he bent down and kissed the top of Thomas' head she seen some scratches on his shoulders.

"Daddy, did you get hurt?" Thomas asked.

She watched as Jax turned towards her with a smirk which made her roll her eyes as she turned back to the food she was cooking.

"Nah, buddy, mommy and I just had a little too much fun last night."

"Jax!" Vanessa hissed as she scowled at him.

She heard Jax laugh before she felt his presence next to her. She glanced at him raising her eyebrows as she placed the last piece of toast on the hot plate when Jax pulled her to him by his hoodie. She looked at him curiously when he pulled down the zipper and he gently turned her head to look at her neck. She couldn't hide the wince as he really did a number on her neck.

"Shit, babe, I'm sorry."

She looked at him amused. "Are you?"

Jax flashed his teeth, "Nah, not really. But I don't think a scarf or enough makeup would do you justice."

"Well I guess it's a good thing school's out. Now come on, breakfast is ready."

After a peaceful breakfast, despite the fact Jax found out that she permanently took Abel out of soccer and he looked at her inquisitively. It was like most breakfast mornings at the Teller household. After they would eat, her boys would get rid of any excess food and place their dishes in the sink, Jax would go back in the living room and get them settled watching TV while she cleaned. She suspected Jax didn't have any pressing business matters to handle as he didn't jump in the shower then he leave. He actually sat down and was watching Paw Patrol with his boys.

She, however, needed a shower. So after the kitchen got back to being presentable she made her way back to the bedroom. She had just took off Jax's hoodie and placed it on their chest at the end of the bed. She rolled her eyes as his jeans were still on the floor and she threw them in the laundry basket.

She became distracted by her reflection in her mirror. Her hair was completely wrecked. Her lips even looked swollen and of course her neck looked like she had a date with a vampire. It was then when Jax came into the room and closed the doors.

The words came out before she could even comprehend them herself. "We should've done what we did last night."

"Jesus Christ," he murmured as he leaned against the closed door and ran his hand down his face. She knew she probably ruined the good mood he was in. "So was what you said last night just blowing smoke up my ass."

Vanessa looked flabbergasted. "No, I meant every word I said." She lamented. That was the problem, she reminded herself.

"What the hell do you want, Vanessa?" Jax queried.

"I want my husband back." Vanessa admitted.

"I'm right here."

"No, you're not." She answered shaking her head.

He didn't say anything before he moved off the door and opened it. "By the way, I'm buying a new mattress."

* * *

 

True to his word he bought a new mattress, and had the prospect set it up. Despite them sharing a bed and him living back at the house, they never talk about that night.

The one good benefit Jax took advantage of in the club was the prospects. He could admit sometimes – most – of the time, he and his brothers probably abused the power they had over them. Right now though he didn't give a shit, besides Ratboy, they recently got three new ones V-Lin, Marco, and Ronnie. But despite Ratboy being higher on the mantle considering his year was coming to a close, this project he personally had, he only trusted him considering it had to do with his family.

For the past week, Jax had Ratboy follow Heath Collins. Of course, the boy didn't have any questions, but he knew he was curious as the man was Abel's former soccer coach.

Jax knew eventually he needed to confront this man. He put it aside initially because he was more concerned about Abel and he didn't trust himself to not kill the man.

But now, he knew it was time to relay a message especially after he saw the man was still trying to contact her.

In that time, he tried to remember Heath in high school. He knew they were in the same grade, hung out with Hale, and recalled vaguely Tara telling him they _hung out_ a couple time. Heath was honestly a complete opposite with dark hair and eyes. Their builds were about the same though. He was average looking.

The man also lived a very boring life according to Ratboy.

Under the guise of being discreet, he drove his truck over to the man's home.

Jax got out his truck and knocked on the man's door as he took in the trimmed front lawn and clean paneling and purposefully hid away from the peephole. He heard some movement before the door opened. He grinned as Heath's eyes widened before they narrowed.

"What do you want?"

Jax had to give it to the man at least he had some balls.

"I thought it was time we had a nice neighborly chat." Jax told him as he lit a cigarette.

"What like pounding my head off my steps?"

"Woah, I just came here to have a friendly conversation and people say I'm violent." Jax said with a smile, but than his eyes flashed dangerously. "But we can do that if you want."

"Look, you won. You have her, right?"

"Then why are you still calling her?" Jax replied as he blew smoke in the man's face.

"Do I sense a little insecurity on your part, Jax? Scared she might have found something better?" Heath challenged.

"Alright look, I'm going to give you some advice. You don't call Vanessa, don't look at her and don't even think about her and this extends to my boys as well and we won't have any problems."

"Or what you'll kill me?" Heath sneered.

Jax stepped off the man's steps as he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess we'll have to find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my lemons weren't too sour here.


	15. Chapter 15

It was safe to say, Jax was back at home. Despite the distance and the stunted silence that overtook the two, he was home every night in time for dinner or at least home by time the boys needed to be in bed.

It was a much more solid routine before their separation as Jax used to come home at all hours of the night. So she could say she appreciated the more normal hours. And she knew the boys loved having their dad home more. Abel, initially, was more skeptical, but she knew as each day passed and Jax was there for breakfast he was thrilled with the family seemingly being back together.

She, in a sense, was happy he was home for the boys. For her, it was a mixed bag of emotions. She wore her wedding rings as there was no point in not wearing them. She knew Jax never took his off even before all this.

But despite the scene the boys were becoming accustomed too, she didn't know how much longer she could handle it.

She was in the living room folding clothes when Abel walked into the room and sat down on the couch. After some debate between her and Jax, they had agreed to let Abel have a TV in his room after a rather loud argument between him and Thomas over what TV show they wanted to watch. Thankfully, Jax was home for that one. The boys usually got in a tussle over small things, but this was one of the boys' big blowouts where Abel didn't talk to Thomas for the rest of the day, which hurt Thomas' feelings badly as he loved and admired his big brother all ready.

Vanessa was against Abel having a TV as she didn't want either of her boys glued to a screen all day, but Jax insisted it was fine that he had one. And considering he wasn't playing soccer as tee ball didn't have such an intense schedule as his former sport, she conceded. But despite that, Thomas still watched TV with Abel. So really now she and Jax had a TV for themselves.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can we get a dog?"

Vanessa was taken back by the question mostly because she and Jax never actually discussed if they wanted pets. Thinking on it, she didn't know if she wanted an animal to clean up after when she had _three_ boys in the house.

"Grandma has Clay." Abel added.

Vanessa at first was confused by Abel's words, but she remembered Gemma named her cockatoo after Clay.

"Why do you want a dog?" She asked gently. She was pretty sure it had nothing to do with his favorite show Paw Patrol. He had been watching that show for months and showed no interest in having his own Chase.

"Kenny said they were getting one."

She almost rolled her eyes at hearing this was egged on from one of the Winstons. Vanessa highly doubted that one as they were actually getting a new baby. And as she looked at her little boy her was looking at her with his puppy eyes – the complete look of innocence – he completely inherited from Jax and worked against her favor as she was a complete pushover with that look.

Seeing as she really couldn't give him an answer, she replied neutrally, and used her usual scapegoat, "You need to ask your father."

Abel's face scrunched into a pout. He was clearly not impressed with her answer as he crossed his arms.

"I'm asking you." He bit out.

She raised her eyebrows at his tone. She was dealing with a miniature Jax it seemed like today. "Well that tone is certainly not going to help."

Abel looked sheepish and immediately corrected himself. "Sorry, mommy."

"Just get Thomas involved and your dad will probably say yes." She suggested.

Abel beamed up at her and planted a kiss on her cheek before running to presumably find Thomas.

Vanessa was in the middle of making dinner when she heard the rumble of Jax's bike. She knew the boys heard it as their heads perked up and looked at the door. She knew Abel was waiting all day for Jax to arrive so he could ask him about getting a dog.

She smiled as the boys ran to the door as soon as Jax opened it and didn't even give him a chance to say hi before they dragged him down to one of their rooms.

She laughed as she heard both Abel and Thomas exclaim _daddy_ a couple times followed by a thousand _pleases_.

She was draining the noodles for the spaghetti and meatballs she was making for dinner when she heard the heavy footsteps of Jax coming down the hall. He shrugged off his kutte and hoodie before he leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms.

"You put them up to that?"

Vanessa shook her head with a smile. "No."

Jax raised his eyebrows clearly not believing her.

She went and grabbed the plates needed for dinner and placed them on the table and looked at him. "What did you tell them?"

Jax stepped into the kitchen and took the plates from her and placed them in their respective spots. "I told them I would think about it."

Vanessa put the noodles in the serving platter and brought it over to the table. "You better decide before Opie gets one or we'll never hear the end of it."

Jax snorted. "Opie isn't getting no damn dog."

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. "You never know."

"You want one?"

"It might teach Abel some responsibility and I know not playing soccer bummed him out. I just don't want to be the one that ends up being the one to take care of it. I already take care of three boys." Vanessa froze at her slip of the tongue and spared a glance at Jax.

He was smiling at her tenderly as he agreed. "You do it well."

Vanessa felt the blush form on her cheeks and chest and she couldn't believe Jax had her feeling like a goddamn teenager, but his words meant a lot to her.

"Hey, Nes," He called out as he stepped closer to her. "You're a great mom and wife. You do take care of me and the boys. I'm sorry I don't tell you or show you that enough."

"Jax…"

"You don't have to say anything."

She walked closer to him and her hands came up to his chest and his hands found her waist. She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips unsure if she should've been doing that or if he even wanted it. His hands that were on her waist jumped to her face as he made the kiss deeper as his tongue prodded for entrance which she readily gave him. Her hands dropped down from his chest and slid under his white t-shirt and she felt his muscles twitch at her touch.

"Ew."

Vanessa and Jax separated with an audible pop as Abel looked at both of them with disgust.

Vanessa laughed lightly as she removed her hands from underneath Jax's shirt and Jax moved slightly away from her as he looked at Abel with a raised eyebrow.

"You wash your hands?" She asked Abel. And she knew he didn't at the widening of his eyes. "Go wash your hands and grab Thomas too. Dinner's ready." She looked at Jax. "Make sure they wash their hands and you too."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

 

Vanessa couldn't believe she forgot how tiring it was being Gemma's slave. She couldn't understand with all the croweaters that roamed the lot she still got stuck doing grunt work or as Gemma told her: _if you weren't here. I would lose my goddamn mind. It's like they don't know how to decorate anything besides a pole or a dick_.

Plus considering it was the "Taste of Charming" fundraiser that she couldn't remember who they were raising funds for, she knew there was no way she would get out of setting up. Though the only benefit to setting up was it meant old ladies in particular didn't have to clean up. Of course being the drill sergeant she was, she oversaw everything, but Vanessa felt a little bit better she didn't have to stay for cleanup.

However, Vanessa felt more tired than usual and her stomach was in knots. She passed the fatigue off to caring after two boys. She had decided not to teach any summer classes this year and her bosses were understanding, so since school had been dismissed unless the boys were with Gemma or her parents they were with her mostly. Neeta still came around at least three times a week as the boys did enjoy her company. But for the most part she was chasing after two boys and she noticed Abel was testing how much he could get away with these days. Thomas had always been like that since he could walk. She blamed these attributes directly on their father.

Despite the incident in the kitchen, they hadn't touched each other sense. There were maybe a few tender kisses, but it was like the both of them were nervous, but they were at least talking to each other.

She was in the middle of setting up a table when she heard Abel and Thomas laughing at something Phil and Ratboy were doing. She almost felt bad for Phil considering he was a patched member he got stuck with babysitting doing. But she knew for some reason if Chibs or Happy weren't available Jax didn't trust anyone with her outside of Opie and Bobby, of course. Ratboy being a prospect she didn't feel too bad, but considering he was at the beck and call of Abel and Thomas he had it better than the new prospects that were currently being yelled at by Gemma.

Vanessa couldn't help but glare as Donna came waltzing by with her small bump. Vanessa really believed she was having twins as she didn't think she should've popped this soon, but Donna told her it was only one. But she was curious as to why Donna was here as she was forbidden from lifting anything while she was being waited on hand and foot.

"Van, you look terrible," Donna said bluntly causing Vanessa to snort.

"Thanks, D."

"I'm sorry, but you look exhausted."

"I take care of _three_ Teller boys." Vanessa pointed out.

Donna laughed as she sat down on a cooler. "How is the marriage going?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "It's going."

Donna looked at her skeptically. "Is that why you're tired? Jax keeping you up?"

Vanessa glared at her.

Donna put her hands up. "If I'm not mistaken, I am quite aware of how active and adventurous yours and Jax's sex life is."

Vanessa looked at her friend in disbelief as it seemed being pregnant Donna lost any type of filter.

"I still can't believe you two managed to have sex without me and Ope noticing when we went to that club."

Vanessa's cheeks turned scarlet. "Donna!"

"What! I thought you were just giving him a lap dance. Well you _were_. And the clubhouse –"

"It's the _clubhouse_ , Donna."

"But the roof?" Donna pointed out.

"Maybe you and Opie should try it sometime." Vanessa quipped.

"Oh we did." Donna replied cheekily.

"Gross." Vanessa said but both of them dissolved into a fit of laughter.

* * *

 

Jax was at Opie's house in the backyard enjoying a cold beer as Kenny and Ellie were with Donna's parents and Abel and Thomas were with Vanessa setting up for his mom's fundraiser.

Jax had just finished telling his best friend how Abel was on a dog kick all thanks to him.

Opie chuckled and despite his apology he wasn't sorry at all.

"You going to get them one?"

Jax shrugged his shoulders. He was considering it, but he knew dogs were a lot of responsibility and he knew Vanessa didn't need to look after something else. "So have you thought about what you want?" He asked in regards to Donna's pregnancy.

He knew Vanessa believed the Winston family was having twins.

"I don't know. I'm not really picky."

Jax nodded, but he couldn't help the frown that took over his face. He was happy for his friend, but he couldn't help but think about his little girl would would've been a little over a year by now.

Opie quickly changed the subject. "So can I ask why Vanessa has the boys as she is supposed to be helping Gemma set up?"

"The boys wanted to be with her." Jax said and added. "She is probably tearing her hair out though." Jax smirked as he thought how hot it was when Vanessa was angry. He knew Vanessa could handle his mom in small doses, and considering this fundraiser was all for the good image of SAMCRO and his mom was a perfectionist, they were bound to butt heads. Even though things between them were going slow, he thought just maybe, if she was in the right mood, something could happen because he was harder than choir boy in a porn shop. Vanessa didn't help wearing her nighties.

He heard Opie snort from beside him. "I take it everything is going well."

"I don't know man. It's still not right between us, but it's not like how it was before."

"Maybe you guys just need a weekend, just the two of you." Opie suggested. "You both could talk and really work things out."

* * *

 

Jax arrived home to his boys watching TV and eating pizza in the living room, unsupervised, which had him raising his eyebrows. Vanessa never let the boys eat their meals watching TV and she never let them eating something that could be messy like pizza alone without her there wiping their faces and hands. Jax threw his keys on the side table and went into the living room and bent down kissing the top of his boys' head.

"Where's your mom?"

"Mommy isn't feeling very well." Abel informed him not taking his eyes off the TV.

Jax furrowed his brows and made his way to the master bedroom where he caught Vanessa coming out the bathroom in one of his navy blue SAMCRO shirts and her short hair in a small bun.

"Abel said you aren't feeling good."

She only shrugged her shoulders. "I think it was the pizza. Did you get some?"

Jax shook his head.

"I can make you a plate if you want." She offered.

"I can do it, Nes." He told her as he eyed her critically. She looked really exhausted and a little pale. "You should get some sleep. I can handle the kids."

She didn't object as she quickly got into the bed and buried herself under the covers.

His boys being stuffed on pizza as he was sure that they ate more than Vanessa allowed, he got them to bed easy. Thomas being the first to go down, he was in Abel's room tucking the boy in who was trying to fight sleep for some reason.

"Is mommy okay?"

Jax sat on the edge of his son's bed. "The pizza might have upset her stomach."

"She's not sick like before?" Abel asked.

"What do you mean buddy?"

"Like before her stomach became big with Sophia," Abel answered.

Jax eyes widened as he knew Abel was talking about morning sickness as Vanessa rarely got sick. But he knew she was on birth control since Thomas and it was something they talked about before they started trying when she got pregnant with Sophia.

"She'll be okay buddy."

Abel nodded his head and Jax placed a kiss on his forehead before making his way across the hall into the bedroom. Vanessa was still sleeping and she was snoring slightly giving away how tired she really was. Jax stripped down to his boxers and slid in between the covers and behind Vanessa and immediately wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled into him and released a content noise from her throat causing Jax to smile. He placed a kiss on her head before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Vanessa had a bright smile on her face as she watched Abel lead his father by the hand to the SAMCRO booth with Thomas perched on his shoulders eating cotton candy. She already knew later tonight she was going to have to wash out his hair since it was probably getting sticky.

Abel finally reaching her, he gave her a wide smile. "Mommy, come and play with us."

"I can't baby. I'm working."

A scowl took over Abel's face and she frowned slightly when Jax spoke. "Just have someone else do it. You've been working all day anyways."

"He's right, honey." Luann said appearing out of nowhere and gently pushing her out the booth. "I'll reign in Gemma. You deserve a break."

Vanessa seeing she wasn't wanted or really having much choice. She left the booth or was more dragged from it as Abel took her to various activities including face painting that they unsuccessfully tried to get Jax to do.

After winning a few stuffed animals and talking to a few residents, Jax had Ratboy watch the kids as he knew she didn't eat in a while. After he bought her a hot dog and fries along with a funnel cake, he took her to a table that was placed directly in the shade. It also gave them a perfect view of the kids who were playing with a water gun.

"Abel knows his way around a gun." Jax said causing her to throw a glare at him, which probably looked comical as her face was painted as a cat.

"That wasn't even funny." She pointed out. "So have you thought about the dog situation yet?"

"What? You want one now?" Jax asked.

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders and gave him a smile. "Maybe."

Jax groaned and accepted that he was probably going to have to get a dog as he listened to Vanessa laugh.

Vanessa turned back to her food and Jax watched her eat. She seemed to be feeling better than she did last night. She still looked a little pale, but at least she was eating. But other than that, he thought she looked beautiful which caused him to lick his lips and her couldn't keep his eyes off the spot where a little strip of her skin was exposed and showed some of her crow.

He didn't even realize he had moved his arms and was pulling her close to him until he had already done it. She didn't fight him. She looked at him confused, but she went back to eating her food. She must have been hungry.

He dipped his head and his lips were next to her ear. He smiled as it caused her to shiver as he spoke. "I've been thinking that we should go to the cabin. Just the two of us. No kids."

She looked at him for a few seconds before she nodded her head. "Sounds good."

Jax smiled and then he slid his hands under her shirt and brought her closer to him and positioned himself that people would mainly just see his back as he copped a feel of his wife. He knew his wife practically got off at the thrill in getting caught in public despite her denial. His hands groped her breast which caused her to shiver when she finally spoke.

"Jax, we're in public." She said despite arching into him more.

Jax kissed the spot below her ear and began marking the spot and smiled as he saw her squeeze her thighs together. "That never stopped you before. As I recall when we fucked in your classroom that's how Thomas was conceived while on your break."

"Jax, you promised to never bring that up." She hissed at him as his hands began to dip low and he felt the lace of her underwear.

Jax laughed in her neck and noticed he made a mark there, but then he felt her tense up.

He went to ask what was wrong when both of them we shot out with water guns from both Abel and Thomas who were both laughing loudly.

"Tig, did you tell them to do that!" He heard Vanessa scream before she started laughing along with the rest of them.

Jax pressed a kiss to her head before he begun to chase his two little boys and making a mental note he was going to kick Tig's ass later.

* * *

 

Vanessa was coming out of the restroom when she jumped at the sound of Heath's voice.

"So you guys are playing the happy go lucky couple right and all that touching is part of the show or you guys are really back together?"

Vanessa turned and found Heath standing by the edge of the wall with his hands in his pockets. She hadn't spoken to Heath since their last encounter in her classroom and she ignored all the texts and calls that followed. She hadn't seen him since the school year ended.

The thing was, she didn't feel anything about ending whatever they were. She felt bad, she hurt his feelings. But other than that she was glad it was over as she knew nothing was going to come out of it and he would get hurt like he was now.

"It's over between us, Heath. Please don't make anything harder than it needs to be. _We're over_ and I'm with Jax." Vanessa stressed to him.

Heath stepped closer to her and she was glad there was no one nearby listening and hopefully not watching.

"Do you even love Jax?" Heath snarled. "All he is going is trapping you. He'll buy you nice things and probably knock you up –"

"Look," Vanessa interrupted him. "You need to stop okay. He need to get over this – me. Honestly Heath, I should've never started anything while I was still married." She saw his face contort to anger and hurt, but she continued hoping he would listen and move on. "I did enjoy our time together. I did, but you weren't Jax. You aren't Jax. It was unrealistic of you to expect me to get over almost seven years in 6 months."

Vanessa didn't bother waiting for him to say anything as she walked away.

* * *

 

Jax was talking to Opie when his eyes caught Vanessa angrily walking away. At first, he wasn't that concerned as she was coming from a public restroom. However, his eyes trailed further back when he saw Heath.

That motherfucker.

Jax ignored Opie calling out his name because he already warned this guy.

"Heath," Jax shouted causing the man to stop walking.

Heath stopped walking and looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I really don't have time for the jealous husband act, Jax."

"Bro, don't get it twisted. No one is jealous here. I mean Vanessa is the one coming home to me right. I just wanted to remind you of what you never had."

"Yeah, then how come she appeared in my bed or maybe I should say yours too. Tell me Jax how does it feel to know I was inside your wife. I know those spots that make her breath hitch. Or better yet, how tight –"

Jax should've punched him sooner. Jax knew it was slightly unfair to the man considering his rings were still on, but it didn't deter the bastard in getting a few good shot at him in the eyes as Jax felt the skin break like his lip.

He could vaguely hear people yelling his name and telling him to stop. He knew someone tried to grab him, but he pushed them off as he got the upper hand on Heath.

However, more hands grabbed him pulling him off his whose lips he busted and his whole face was becoming discolored. Jax was tempted to spit on the man except as he realized he had drew a crowd, his eyes found Vanessa who looked mortified as she had her hands over Abel's eyes to shield him from the violence. She looked at him and shook her head before she guided Abel away from the scene.


	16. Chapter 16

Jax watched Vanessa as she tended to his bloody knuckles, his split lip, and the black eye that was forming.

They were in the kitchen back at the house encased in a tense silence. She hadn't spoken to him since the brawl broke out between him and Heath. She barely looked directly at him. After the fight, the club – his mom – started doing damage control. Gemma offered to keep the boys which saw no objection from him or Vanessa and for the good of everyone, his mom recommended that he should go home. He didn't miss the pointed look his mother sent Vanessa that she should follow.

He followed Vanessa home on his bike and ignored the fact that Heath did get a few good hits that smarted. But since he stepped a foot into the house and sat down in the kitchen, Vanessa hadn't uttered one word to him.

Her face was unusually blank, but he deducted that she was pissed. He thought he should've been lucky that she had good bed side manners as despite whatever she may have been feeling she wasn't taking it out on his bruised and battered skin.

She had just finished cleaning his hands and luckily only one needed to wrap when she broke the silence. She had threw away the soiled gauze and stood before him with her arms crossed.

"You shouldn't have done that."

Jax's blue eyes flickered to her face as he took in her words. He raised his eyebrows challengingly. "Maybe you shouldn't have slept with him."

He watched as she visibly recoiled from him and he wished he could snatch his words out of the air. He could see the tip of her nose becoming red and tears building behind her eyes as she looked at him before she began to walk out of the kitchen.

"Babe, wait," Jax said as he went to grab her arm to immediately but she shrugged him off.

He quickly stood and reached for her again.

"Fuck you, Jax!" She snarled as she shook his hands of her.

"Babe, stop," Jax pleaded as wrapped both of his arms around her into a bear hug preventing her from leaving. "I'm sorry."

He heard her scoff as she did stop fighting against him.

"I don't want to deal with your shit, Jax."

"Babe –"

"No, do you realize what you did and what could've happened?" She asked angrily. "He is my coworker and if it wasn't the summer I could've lost my job."

Jax's arms loosened and she immediately moved out of them. Jax didn't think about that consequence of his actions and he knew how much teaching was important to her. He went to say he was sorry, but she cut him off. "I don't want your apology."

"Than what do you want from me?"

He wasn't prepared for her to push him and then push him again right into the counter and before he could ask what the hell she was doing, she captured his mouth in a hot kiss. She nipped at his mouth, her tongue invading his mouth, as she quietly made work in pushing down his jeans along with his underwear. He grabbed her face with his left hand trying to take control of the kiss when he released a strangled moan as she begun lazily pumped him.

Vanessa pulled back from the kiss with a smirk as Jax's head fell in the crook of her neck. However, before she even realized he had wrapped his arms around her before she was picked up and swung around the counter she had pushed him against. He kicked off his jeans while ripping off her shorts and panties.

He fisted his cock a couple times and then teasingly the head against her slick folds.

He pressed a needy kiss to her lips as he pressed it inside, she felt the air rush out of her lungs as she choked out a moan as her hands yanked on his blonde locks. Jax leaned down and left a love bite on her neck. He moved hard and fast as he hit that sweet, _sweet_ spot that her had toes curling.

"Fuck, Jax," she whined as he continued his relentless pace causing her to close her eyes as she was _that_ close to shattering into a million pieces.

His thumb found her clit and with his pace and how it was hammering against her G-Spot, he popped his lips from the tops of her breasts leaving a vibrant hickey and whispered in her ear, "Come for me, baby."

It was her undoing as she screamed as she was hit with a blinding euphoria that had her screaming as her nails dug into Jax's shoulders.

He continued to fuck her through her own satisfying release in pursuit of his own. Her thighs were trembling and she was greatly overstimulated, but she could feel something building again.

Jax caught her lips in a desperate kiss before he pulled back, "Wanna hear your mine, Nes."

She whined in protest, but a rough snap of his hips made her cry out.

She opened her whiskey eyes and connected with his steel blue ones. "Tell me, darling'." He demanded.

"I'm yours, baby. I'm yours, Jackson." She whimpered.

"Come for me," he ordered and she couldn't help but follow his command. She came with a cry, her eyes closed and stars erupting behind her eyelids. She clung to him as his steady rhythm soon turned erratic, with the scratch of her nails against his neck along with a hard bite, he shuddered in delight and a string of curses flew from his mouth and with a satisfied groan as he found his release.

His hands gripped her hair as he pulled her into a searing breathless kiss as he whispered against her lips. "I'm yours, Vanessa."

* * *

Jax's eyes popped open, but he immediately closed them as the streaming sunlight through the windows stung his sleepy eyes. It was then he became aware of the body that was tucked into right side and why his arm felt dead.

Vanessa was still asleep, her breath tickling his chest. The sheet was pulled up to her chin covering her naked frame. A grin came over his lips despite it hurting a little due to it being split and even more aggravated by what him and Vanessa did last night. As he looked around, he could actually see little flecks of blood on the sheets as his knuckles opened back up. At one point, Vanessa bit his lip making it bleed as blood smeared over both their lips.

Vanessa moved to her back causing the sheet to fall and expose her breasts that were littered in hickeys. Jax was thinking about _waking_ his wife up when the house phone began ringing. He realized that was what probably woke him up in the first place.

He furrowed his brows as his left hand grabbed the phone that was on his side.

"Hello?" He asked groggily.

"Jackson, what the hell is going on!" Gemma barked over the phone.

"Jesus Christ ma," Jax said wincing and got up from the bed and walked out the room to not wake up Vanessa. "Why the hell are you calling on the house phone anyways?" He grumbled. In the background he thought he could hear his mom slamming drawers closed.

"It's almost noon and neither you _or_ Vanessa are answering your goddamn phones."

"Grandma is that daddy?" Jax heard Abel ask in the background. His mom confirmed that it was him, but didn't give Abel the phone.

"Your boys want to go home, Jax." Gemma said coolly.

"Alright, I'm coming." Jax said before the line went dead.

Considering he was naked, Jax walked back to the kitchen where his jeans and briefs were and slid them on. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket where there were 30 missed calls from his mother. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed Vanessa's shorts and underwear and grabbed their shirts that were littered in the hallway before going back to their room.

He didn't want to wake up Vanessa, but with the state of their room and their boys most likely were going to want her attention, he had no choice.

He crawled next to her on the bed and softly called out her name which only made her turn away from him.

He smiled slightly and he kissed her bare shoulder before he lightly shook her. "Babe, it's time to wake up." He said in between kisses. Eventually she moaned before she laid on her back. She opened one eye before closing it.

Jax smiled and placed a soft kiss on her lips and couldn't help but grope her bare breast and swipe his thumb over her hardening bud. He was surprised when she tried to deepen the kiss.

Reluctantly pulling away, he placed a kiss on her nose while he looked down at her. "As much as I would love to continue this, I need to get the boys and you might want to clean up."

Vanessa's whiskey eyes gleamed as her finger trailed over his black eye and swollen lips, "How about a shower first?"

* * *

Jax walked through the door to his mother's house where he was met with a snicker before she wrinkled her nose at his appearance. Jax rolled his eyes at his mother before he planted a kiss on her cheek. Clay was sitting on the table as Gemma filled his coffee mug. His mom left and he assumed to go get the boys.

"Morning," Jax greeted.

"How you handled whatever that was, Jax, was not the time or place son." Clay said before he took a sip of his hot coffee. Jax looked at his stepfather in surprise. "I mean, Heath isn't the first guy to say some shit about Vanessa and won't be the last. Hell, all of us knew the heart eyes he had for her, but as President of SAMCRO, the club or you don't need this bad press especially at an event your mother works hard on."

Gemma came back with the boys and Thomas immediately crawled into his lap.

"I'm sorry, ma." Jax said.

Gemma spared him a look and lingered on his marked neck. "Well I can't be too upset can I?"

Jax stood up with Thomas pressed a kiss to his mom's cheek. "I'll see you later."

Gemma rolled his eyes. "Can I expect Vanessa at the family dinner next week?"

"Of course." Jax said as he grabbed Abel's hand and walked out the door.

* * *

Vanessa was sipping on a cool water as she listened to her parents' idle chatter. She had early on tuned them out as she preferred to watch her boys play on their swing set. She didn't even remember inviting her parents to dinner as they just showed up unannounced to her place. Luckily, the day was nice where she was able to barbeque some meat and make macaroni salad, and thankfully the hickeys Jax had a habit of giving her were gone and she could wear a nice loose tank in the heat. Thinking of Jax, she checked her watch where her husband was extremely late for dinner.

"Vanessa, are you even listening to us?" Her mother asked.

"What?"

Her mother sighed. "You're father and I were discussing how ill-mannered Jax's behavior was at Gemma's fundraiser. Heath is your co-worker, right?"

"Yes, mom," Vanessa replied blankly. "Jax and I already talked about what happened that day."

"That's great and I'm glad you two worked things out," her mom added. "But it's not the best behavior to exhibit in front of the boys."

Vanessa scrunched her face up and went to voice what her mom exactly thought of the club considering how hard she was pushing her to get back to Jax when her father spoke. "I hear Donna and Opie are having another kid."

Vanessa looked away from her mother and smiled at her father as she nodded her head. "Yes, we're actually going baby shopping in a couple days."

"Really?" Her mom questioned. "She asked _you_ to do that."

Vanessa went to ask what her mom exactly meant by that although she had a good idea when the growl of a bike was heard approaching. The boys immediately stopped playing on the swing set and their heads perked up at the sound.

Vanessa excused herself as she headed inside in time to see Jax stepping into the house.

"Sorry I'm late." Jax said as she reached him and he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"Are you?" Vanessa joked as she smoothed his hair back.

"Of course darlin'."

"You're so full of shit."

Jax wouldn't admit it aloud. But he was a little late on purpose for the unexpected dinner with Vanessa's parents. Jax usually had a high tolerance when dealing with her parents, but he already knew why they insisted on a dinner together. So he kept his face neutral as he engaged with her parents in pointless banter from their respective businesses to home repairs. Thankfully, the boys were able to fill in when the conversation died off.

However, Jax did notice one thing was off at dinner was Vanessa's eating habit. She had barely touched her food. It wasn't as if she ate a lot, but he had noticed it seemed her appetite was in a state of flux and her usual food made her feel sick.

"You feeling okay, babe?" He asked gently. She looked at him confused and he nodded to her untouched plate of food.

"Yeah, I just had a big lunch earlier." She explained with a smile.

He accepted her answer, but then her mom added on. "Lunch sweetie? You couldn't stop snacking while you were making the food; the way you were going I can see why you look a little fuller in some areas."

Jax watched as Vanessa's jaw clenched before she stood up from her chair not bothering to acknowledge her mother's words. "Abel, sweetie, you want to help me bring out dessert?"

* * *

Later that night, Jax was in a pair of grey sweat pants as he watched Vanessa get ready for bed. She had on a nice silk nightie that he knew would be removed at some point during the night. Thinking on it, the only reason he knew either of them wore anything to bed was because their sons had a knack of waking up in the middle of the night joining them in the bed. Vanessa was more lenient with the boys, but Jax quickly voice his opposition that them joining them in bed couldn't be a nightly occurrence.

Vanessa smiled at him as she crawled up the bed and settled into his lap. "Do you think I'm getting fat?"

Jax snorted at the thought of Vanessa getting fat. Jax could have berated her mother for even saying something so insensitive to his wife in his home. But he looked at Vanessa. She wasn't getting fat. He did notice her boobs looked a little bigger and maybe around her hips, but it wasn't anything noticeable.

His hands came up and he grabbed her ass causing her to giggle slightly as he jiggled it before she told him to stop. "In all honestly, I like having something to grab onto."

She smacked his shoulder. Her fingers traced his Abel tattoo as she spoke. "Well I remember your mom telling me nobody likes a fat old lady."

Jax rolled his eyes because of course his mom would say that and he imagined she probably said that after Vanessa gave birth to one of the boys. But Jax never once pressured Vanessa to be a certain way and Vanessa certainly wasn't a woman where he could say lose everything besides the ass and complimenting curves. "Well it's a good thing you're _my_ old lady." Jax said as his hands moved from her ass to where he cupped her silk covered breasts and ran his thumb over her nipple feeling it hardened immediately.

"Jax, baby, as much as I would love to continue this, I'm tired and a little bit sore," Vanessa revealed.

Jax nodded his head and pressed a kiss to her jaw. "Let's get some sleep."

* * *

Donna and Vanessa were casually browsing through baby items while Vanessa helped Donna price out baby items. Both women almost forgot how expensive it was exactly having a newborn baby. But neither of them forgot how cute the little baby clothes were. Vanessa could admit it was slightly making her want to try for another baby with Jax someday, but the wound was still raw from losing Sophia.

Vanessa was looking at some gender neutral items when Donna spoke. "You and Jax seem to be doing good."

Vanessa nodded her head. Things were going surprisingly great especially the sex, but she kept in mind her and Jax never really talked about what happened between them. She didn't think that was exactly healthy. "We're having a good time."

Donna raised an eyebrow. "A good time? You sound like you're dating, not married."

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders as she browsed through some clothes items when she paused at one item in particular.

It was a small blue dress with polka dots with a matching headband. It wasn't anything of out of the ordinary, but she had bought the same exact dress that was now resting in a drawer never worn.

"Vanessa, are you okay?"

Vanessa looked towards Donna as she put the dress on the rack. "I'm fine."

* * *

Jax arrived back at his house after reading a text from Donna about Vanessa shouldn't be alone. He knew the girls went shopping for baby stuff and he could admit he was worried what that would do to Vanessa. Quietly shutting the door to his house, it was quiet and he didn't hear her messing around in the kitchen or living room.

In his gut, he knew what room she would be in.

Jax walked into Sophia's room where Vanessa was standing in front of the empty white crib. She was holding a turtle that they had picked out for her. Jax walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. "You okay?"

Vanessa placed the turtle back to its resting place while she covered his arms with hers and leaned back into him.

"You ever think about having another baby?"

 _All the damn time_ , he thought. But realistically the pain he still felt made him never want to go through what they did. Jax was content with his two boys especially after Abel's recent hospital stint. He thought they shouldn't try and push their luck when it came to having more children.

"I'm sorry." He heard Vanessa say and she must have mistook his silence for something else other than the longing he did have.

He turned her around and tried not to think about how he envisioned Sophia being the spitting image of her with her dark hair and brown orbs that looked like whiskey or even maple syrup.

His hand moved a piece of hair behind her ear before he cupped her cheek. "I thought about it. First to replace Sophia…but then I don't think I could go through this again, Nes. I don't think I could make it seeing _you_ go through this again."

The thought killed him to have to witness Vanessa lose another child. He wished he could've shielded her from that pain. Jax wished he could shield her from everything, but he knew if he did, she wouldn't be the woman that he loved.

"Do you want another kid?"

Jax felt her tense in his arms before her eyes became glossy and unfocused. She closed her eyes and her fingers looped through the loops of his jeans before she opened them. "I don't know."

The sound of Neeta and the boys arriving home broke their conversation. Jax placed a light kiss on her lips before they went and greeted their boys.

* * *

Jax was questioning how he got suckered into this. He didn't even remembered agreeing to this or even looking the place up. His nose wrinkled at the smell and he wasn't all that thrilled at the pounds of hair that was coating him and Vanessa.

However, Vanessa was eating up all the attention that was being thrown her way and he thought the dog was going to be for Abel.

They had been at the Animal Shelter for what felt like hours as Vanessa _oh_ and _awed_ at every animal they passed or licked at her.

Jax was watching with a scowl as Vanessa was kneeling down scratching the belly of a corgi. And Jax knew if they were going to get a dog it wasn't going to be a goddamn corgi.

"Nes, we're not getting a goddamn ankle biter." He muttered as his wife threw a pout his way as she gave the dog one last good scratch.

She stood up and brushed the dog hair off her legs, the dog looked betray at Vanessa before it trudged off to sell itself to another family.

"Jax, that dog was so cute." She whined as she watched the dog attack another woman for attention.

Jax side eyed his wife as he looked at the other breeds of dog at the place. More notably the larger dogs, he nudged Vanessa and pointed to the one dog that was laying down watching all the activity. "What about that Rottweiler?"

Vanessa's nose scrunched up. "They're ugly, Jax."

Jax rolled his eyes as he thought the pug she had held for ten minutes was ugly. Instead of replying he pointed to a dog that he knew were family friendly. "What about that brown lab?"

"Too much hair."

He went to point out a muscular tan Pitbull when she began squealing next to him like a little kid and enthusiastically began pointing in the direction she was looking at before settling on dragging him to the dog.

As they approached the golden brown dog, Jax didn't see the appeal as the dog looked at them nonchalantly as they approached. Vanessa reached the dog first, thankfully cautiously, as the dog seemed to be wary of newcomers. Vanessa laid out her hand with a treat that the dog greedily took. Vanessa waited until the dog was done eating before she approached it again where it sniffed her hand before licking it and leaning into her touch.

Jax could already tell it was love at first sight as she beamed back at him. However, Jax's eyes nearly fell out of his head as the dog stood on all fours. Vanessa wasn't very tall even in her heeled boots. The dog had to be about 2 feet on all fours and he nearly lost his mind when the dog stood on its hind legs and placed his paws on her shoulders. The dog was nearly the same height as her.

"Isn't he precious, Jax?" She cooed as the dog licked her face. Jax made a mental note that she was definitely going to need to wash her face after this.

"The thing is damn near as tall as you, Nes." Jax mumbled as he raked his brain for a dog breed and concluded it had to be a Bullmastiff.

"So that means there is another boy in my life to protect me," she tutted while the dog jumped down from her shoulders and seemed to become aware of him.

The dog and he seemed to have begun a stare down. And Jax couldn't believe him and the dog were already having a battle of dominance as Jax leaned forward slightly sticking his hand out for the dog to sniff.

The dog eyed him curiously before he sniffed his hand and licked it. Jax took the opening and patted the dog on its head.

Vanessa came forward and scratched him behind his ears and asked, "Can we get him Jax?"

"Are you worried about Abel and Thomas? The dog is huge."

"Jax, Abel and Thomas won't be small forever. They'll probably be as tall as you when they're older." She remarked dryly.

Jax went to reply when a young teenager boy, a worker at the place, came over.

"I see you've met Chase. A lot of people are put off by his attitude as he doesn't warm up to everybody." The younger worker said who's name according to his name tag was Jake.

Vanessa whose back was to him had turned around and Jax swore Vanessa just jumpstarted the kid's puberty as the kid for his sake tried to keep his gaze from dipping below her eyes which were just as enticing as her figure.

"Hi, my husband and I would actually like to take Chase home with us." Vanessa informed the kid with a smile.

The kid blinked a few times before his eyes cut back and forth between them and the kid snapped his mouth shut that was free from drool. "Okay, right. I'll get the paperwork ready for you to sign and you can take him home."

"Thank you." She said as the kid walked away.

"I think you just jump-started that kid's puberty." Jax teased.

"I think it was the kutte," Vanessa pointed out with a roll of her eyes.

Jax chuckled as he tugged Vanessa into his leather covered chest and he went to place a kiss on her lips, despite knowing she was about to put a major dent in his wallet when he became aware of another pair of brown eyes on him.

Jax turned his head to the side and found Chase staring at him before the dog moved in between the two. Vanessa giggled at the dog as she patted his head while Jax glared. His sons were already the cockblocking champions in his life; he didn't need a third one.


	17. Chapter 17

"What in the hell has you in such a pissy mood?" Jax heard his mother ask as she strolled through the garage handing out repo lists that he told her to give to one of the prospects.

"Nothing," Jax replied hotly as he worked under the hood of a car to replace the starter.

"Really?" He heard his mom question. And Jax cursed God for giving him such a nosey mother. He would've thought once he turned 18 – a patched member – she would've realized that the umbilical cord was cut on the day he was born. But it seemed some invisible leash still attached them and her meddlesome ways got worse with age. And some days her attitude and need to know everything affected his marriage.

"Gem, Jax is upset because the family or _Vanessa_ loves Chase more than him." He heard Tig holler from his end in the garage causing all the other workers to laugh at his expense.

"Fuck you," Jax shouted over the laughter and kept his head under the hood.

Truth was the family all had fucking become enamored with the dog. When they surprised Abel and Thomas with Chase, he was sure their cheeks would have become stuck with the smiles they had, as since then it hadn't come off their faces. In spite of Abel promising to take care of Chase as he was his responsibility, Jax knew it was going to land on Vanessa, who probably wasn't going to mind. He felt she was worse than the boys when it came to the drooling mutt.

Chase, of course, loved all the attention he was getting. He thought the dog had trouble picking who to give his affections too as he drooled and licked over everyone, except him of course. It seemed the two of them were on a battlefield in marking their territory in the house.

Jax didn't mind the dog even though he spent about a $1,000 buying treats and amenities for it. He didn't interact with it as much as his family. However, he had quickly asserted his dominance and what behavior was acceptable. The dog was forbidden in laying on his and Vanessa's bed. He told Vanessa he didn't want the dog on the couch, but he knew as soon as he left the house, Vanessa let the dog lounge on the couch with her. He suspected even the bed too.

However, Jax already caught the little fucker trying to chew on his kutte more than once. He didn't know what game the dog was playing at. He went to hit the dog but of course the boys and Vanessa whined and practically cried about him being mean to the damn thing.

The last thing he ever expected was for his kutte was to get ruined by a damn dog. And after Vanessa defended the little shit, he could admit he was slightly in a foul mood.

"What did the dog do?" Gemma inquired amusement was evident in her tone.

"Probably slobbered or pissed all over his kutte or did Vanessa kick you out the bed?" Tig goaded as he ate Gemma's meatloaf. Jax was close to shoving the food down his throat to make him choke and hopefully stop talking.

Gemma and Jax both ignored him as Gemma replied; "Now you know why I never let you and Tommy get a dog."

* * *

 

With Abel gone at a summer music class, as he had shown an interest playing the drums, which neither her or Jax were exactly thrilled about, it was only Vanessa, Thomas, and Chase at the house while Jax was at Teller Morrow.

As she didn't work during the summer, most days consisted of this, of just her and the boys and now Chase at the house. With Donna being pregnant it added to the routine as she would help her friend out. But other than that her days consisted of entertaining her boys until Jax came home to give her a break. Of course, Neeta still came over to give her some form of break where Vanessa would go out and maybe shop and just have a few hours to herself.

Today was just another normal day. Thomas was content with his toys and his occasional interactions in seeking Chase out. But now Chase was by her side as she scoured through her junk drawer in her bedroom for some batteries as there wasn't any in the kitchen.

As she took notice of receipts, scraps of papers, some tools, and other junk, she concluded that she needed to actually clean the drawer. She rolled her eyes as she picked up an empty box of condoms and quickly tossed them in the waste basket. However, her eyes widened when she came across her peach circular container that she completely forgot about. She didn't even need to open it to know that it was practically full.

She raked her brain trying to remember when the last time she even took the small pills. She thought it had to have been when Abel had his flare with his heart and that had been a few months ago. But she wasn't sure as to how fast birth control pills left a person's system and it didn't help she didn't remember the last time she had her cycle.

Vanessa turned her head to where she found Chase burning a hole into her head. "Stop staring," she mumbled as she looked at the packet of pills. She opened the container and found it completely full. _Great_.

She knew it was pointless to begin taking them now and she was better off buying a pregnancy test. Past experience told her it didn't take much for Jax to knock her up.

She was berating herself for being so reckless and stupid. Despite the progress made between her and Jax right now was not a good time for a baby.

"Mommy!"

She jumped startled at Thomas' yell and dropped the pills back in drawer and grabbed the batteries.

* * *

 

Two days later, she was able to go to the pharmacy. She had the house to herself as Jax took the boys shopping for toys and shoes and whatever else they probably wanted. It was the longest two days of her life and she knew Jax noticed her jumpy behavior from his every touch and the distant look she got in her eyes. She knew he thought it had to do something with them, but she knew he would never ask and she tried to quell the worry she seen building in him by distracting him with sex. However, it was probably stupid and she couldn't find it in herself to be like "hey, maybe you should put on a condom" when they hadn't been using any in the past months or rarely ever did except before she got on birth control after Abel's birth.

But as she stared down at the pregnancy test knowing that it was most likely going to positive, which she didn't know made her happy or sad. None of her children were mistakes and this one wouldn't be either. However, in her gut she knew that she might've not been emotionally ready for a pregnancy after Sophia.

Vanessa was scared of losing another child. Her children were already at risk considering the heart disease that came from Jax's side. But now after experiencing a miscarriage, out of blue with Sophia, she didn't want to risk it. She knew her worrying would be added stress to her body during a pregnancy.

And she didn't want to put her family through something like that again.

She could admit when she went through the miscarriage she felt like a failure as a mother. She did blame herself for maybe not taking care of her body as she should've. Despite what the doctors said, she was the one at fault for what happened.

She would never forget how small Sophia was in her arms. Her tiny body was still developing, but she had a head full of dark brown locks. She never got to see her eyes though.

After coping, Vanessa was happy with her boys. She didn't need any more kids. She was fine with her two babies. But now there was going to be another one on the way that she needed to prepare herself for.

As she stared at the positive pregnancy test, she wondered how she was going to tell Jax. She honestly didn't know if he was going to be happy or sad with this news.

The test almost fell from her hands as her phone began to ring. Checking the Caller ID, it was Donna on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Vanessa, we're having twins! A boy and girl!" Donna hollered through the phone.

Vanessa couldn't hold back the snicker as she knew Donna was having twins despite the earlier sonograms. "Congratulations."

Donna laughed at the other end. "Do you think you and Jax can come over?"

"Yeah, Jax should be back with them in like an hour or so."

"Okay, see you then."

* * *

 

After a big dinner, Jax was sitting outside with his best friend while they watched their kids torment Piney. Their wives were inside busying themselves in looking at baby items for the twins that were coming soon.

Despite Jax having two boys of his own, he couldn't imagine having two newborn babies at the same time. He shuddered at the thought of Abel and Thomas being born at the same time. They were already a handful now even with the small age difference, but he knew it could have been worse.

But he was happy for his friend. He knew Opie wanted more kids for a while, but Donna was never so keen on expanding. Jax suspected it had to do more with the club than Opie and the state of their marriage. Donna was content with their two kids and simple life. So Jax could imagine having twins was a major shock to both of them.

"So how's your new baby in the family?" Opie asked him.

Jax looked at his friend confused before he realized he was referring to the little fucker, Chase, who Vanessa and the boys insisted on bringing. Chase was currently inside with the women and Jax noticed that Chase seemed real protective over Vanessa these past couple of days. He also noticed something was off with Vanessa. She seemed jumpy. Lost in her head at times.

She wasn't distant, but it seemed something was on her mind.

"The family likes him." Jax replied remembering Opie did ask him a question.

Opie chuckled. "Do you like him?"

Jax shrugged his shoulders. "If I didn't, it's not like I can get rid of him."

"Man, Vanessa has you by the balls," Opie said through some laughter. "Tell me, does the dog sleep in the bed with you?"

"Fuck you," Jax said and didn't even bother to point out that Donna had Opie by the balls as well. "So you excited about having twins?"

Opie shrugged. "Donna has already threatened to have me snipped. This is her last pregnancy."

Jax shook with silent laughter.

"That ain't funny, Jax. I ain't letting no doctor anywhere near my dick." Opie added.

"And how that go for you?" Jax asked with a shit eating grin on his face.

Opie scowled at him and it was unsaid that he should never piss off a pregnant woman.

The men's conversation was put to an end as Vanessa and Donna came out onto the porch. Vanessa took a seat directly on Jax's lap and the two couples watched Chase join the kids in tormenting Piney.

* * *

 

Jax had just got out of the shower and was slipping on a pair of boxers when Vanessa came into the bedroom after getting the boys down for bed. He was surprised Chase didn't follow her in, but the dog usually took vigil in the hallway while the family was sleeping.

He watched from the corner of his eye as Vanessa closed the door and walked to where he was standing in front of their dresser. He looked at her confused as she was solely focused on the rings on her hand.

"Jax, we need to talk."

Jax stiffened. No matter what, nobody liked hearing those words out of anyone's mouth. Plus, Vanessa wasn't looking at him.

"What's wrong?"

She spared a glance at him and her eyes looked so sad which was making him worried. He had no idea what they needed to talk about as in past experiences when they needed to talk it was her blindsiding him with talk about a goddamn divorce.

He could tell she was struggling to tell him as the tip of her nose was slowly turning red. Her fingers were covering her lips as the words seemed stuck in her throat.

She dropped her fingers from her mouth and crossed her arms over her chest. He wasn't prepared for what came out of her mouth.

"I'm pregnant."


	18. Chapter 18

Jax looked at Vanessa shocked. He was silent as his eyes zoned in on her now flat, toned stomach and he thought maybe he could actually see the small bump forming, but it was only his eyes playing tricks on him. His blues eyes slowly made their way back up to her face where she was looking at him concerned. He couldn't even imagine what his face looked like as it was nowhere near that of a sympathetic husband. Her whiskey eyes were uncharacteristically bright given the situation, however, and he could admit it unsettled him. He felt a little nauseous, if he was going to be honest with himself.

As he stared at his wife and looked at her stomach and did the mental calculations, he couldn't help himself from asking. "Is it mine?"

Vanessa looked at him in surprise as her brows furrowed and her facial expression hardened. "You did not just ask me that." She pressed slowly and lowly. Her nostrils were flared and the tip of her nose was becoming redder by the second.

"It's a valid question." He replied even though he knew the child was no way Heath's.

He should've seen it coming, but he wasn't prepared for the hard slap she gave him, on the left side of his face, which caused him to whip his head to the side. He could admit it stung and he felt his eyes water slightly from the force. Vanessa was heavy handed. And he being the recipient of a couple slaps before he was reminded why he never tried to piss her off too much. Her slaps fucking hurt.

He turned back to her with a clenched jaw as she continued to glare at him.

"You know why I slept with Heath, Jackson?" Vanessa asked him and Jax's eyes narrowed at the mention of that asshole. He really didn't want to hear about his wife being with another man. However, it wasn't as if she really cared what he wanted to hear or his feelings. "It was to hurt you, baby, the same reason why you slept with Ima and all those pornstars and croweaters here in fucking Charming and on a run. So tell me how does that feel to know that another man has been inside me?"

"Stop," Jax warned her with a clenched jaw as his nostrils flared.

Vanessa continued her eyes ablaze with anger. "Let's make this perfectly clear Jax, for every woman willing to open their legs for you, there is a man wanting to open mine. I can't even name how many men were lining up once it became public we were separated."

"Vanessa, please just the fuck up." Jax pleaded with her. She was stating things he already knew and was well aware of. It was a fact he chose to ignore or considering she was his wife he had no problem in reminding other men she was, in fact, married to him.

"Why does it hurt you, baby, to think about my legs wrapped around another man's body while he fills me with his cum?" She taunted.

"You've made your fucking point, Nes." Jax snapped as he stood up from the bed and ran his hands through his hair. He reminded himself that he deserved this. He deserved every word that she was throwing at him, but it still hurt. And he felt he didn't do enough damage to Heath thinking about that man being inside his wife.

"By the way, you're sleeping on the fucking couch." Vanessa said as she walked away from him and slammed the bathroom door shut and he was sure the whole house rattled.

* * *

 

Jax had the distinct feeling he was being watched. After much tossing and turning on the couch, in the living room, he was finally able to fall asleep, which only felt like thirty minutes ago. He was tempted to go look into a new leather couch to buy, as he didn't know how long it would take to be broken in for him to get a restful sleep. And he was too tired to care about someone watching him sleep in his living room. So he ignored it as if Vanessa was still pissed at him, he was already in for a shitty day. He didn't want to be tired on top of it.

His desire to catch, at least, an extra hour or two of sleep was never granted as a rough tongue ran across his face. His eyes snapped open to find Abel and Chase looking down at him in confusion.

Jax sighed and ran his hand down his face hoping to get rid of his lack of sleep and the slime from the house mutt, but had no success, at least with the lack of sleep.

"Daddy, what are you doing here?" Abel asked as he scrunched up his nose, as if he was disgusted at the sight.

Jax looked at his son and then to the dog before he leaned up on the couch and found that it was only 9:00 in the morning. His eyes went passed Abel and scanned the living room and dining room to see if anyone else – Vanessa – was up, but it seemed to be only Abel and Chase.

"What are you doing up?" Jax asked evading the question.

"Mommy told me to wake you up as she is leaving." Abel informed him.

Jax looked as Abel confused before he hopped off the couch to look for his wife.

Jax found her in Thomas' room; she was helping him get dressed for the day. He noticed that she was already dressed for whatever she had planned.

He walked into the room, Thomas giggled at his presence while Vanessa seemed bent on ignoring him. He was greeted with the stiffening of her back.

"Where are you going?" He asked quietly and received nothing as a response. Thomas even looked back and forth between the two of them as an uncomfortable silence hung in the air.

Even if she was pissed at him, with the boys up, she would never start anything in front of them. It was a tactic he had used to his advantage on a lot of things. Considering that Vanessa would never argue or fight with him in front of the kids.

"Are you really going to do this?" He pressed.

She still wasn't acknowledging him as she pulled Thomas' shirt over his head and kissed him on his nose, which she was rewarded with a giggle from the little boy. She straightened out his outfit before she scooped him up in her arms.

Despite knowing she was still probably pissed at him, her features didn't give anything away as she walked towards him with Thomas. Thomas immediately threw his hands out and Jax quickly grabbed him from Vanessa's arms. She still didn't say anything and barely gave him a second glance before she walked out of the room.

Jax was on her tail as he watched her give Abel and Chase a kiss on the head before she grabbed her purse and walked out the door. He knew it would be pointless and downright embarrassing for him to follow her out the door with questions.

* * *

 

When she first left, Jax was easily distracted by the boys and Chase. He got them fed and settled in to watch their cartoons, but Vanessa was gone and he had no idea where she was.

He was going to give her two hours to cool down. He knew what he said to her last night made him a dick and he expected to pay for his remarks. However, she was pregnant and considering what happened with the last pregnancy, he was worried about where the hell she was in. The silent treatment was slowly but surely pissing him off.

He had already left 10 voicemails on her phone during the third hour he couldn't get ahold of her before he was called over to the clubhouse.

So now he was sitting at the bar with Opie and his mother who were both trying to get ahold of his wife.

Opie ended his phone call with Donna and Jax already knew he wasn't going to like what came out of his mouth.

"Donna can't get ahold of her."

Jax growled in frustration and had the urge to throws things.

"What the fuck happened, Jackson?" Gemma hissed from beside him. He knew he was going to have to tell his mom and best friend what happened. He particularly didn't want to disclose the pregnancy so soon, but with his sour mood and Vanessa seemingly ignoring everyone, he needed too.

Jax sighed as he pinched his eyes closed before he looked from his best friend and mother. "Vanessa's pregnant."

He watched as both of their eyes widened. Gemma, however, was more affected by the news as her hand clutched over her heart while her free hand gripped the counter of the bar. But the pure shock was gone in an instant as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"If she's pregnant why is she not returning anyone's calls? What did you do, Jax?" His mom implored.

"I asked her if it was mine." As soon as the words left his mouth, Gemma slapped him in the back of his head while Opie punched him hard in the arm.

"How could you be so insensitive, asshole," his mom scolded.

"I know, ma." Jax amended.

"That's fucked up, Jax, considering everything." Opie added making Jax feel worse than he already did.

Gemma sighed as she placed her hands on her hips and tried not to show how disappointed she was at him. "Well there aren't that many places she can go while pregnant."

Jax growled because it seemed there were a lot of places she could be and she wasn't bound to staying in Charming. "Well where the fuck is she then?" He snapped.

Gemma wasn't taken back by the tone in his voice as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Calm down, man." Opie demanded. "She's pregnant and it's Vanessa. She isn't going to do anything reckless. She just needs some time alone. She is pregnant, Jax, and probably scared and wanted her husband to be supportive and reassuring. Not questioning the paternity."

As soon as the words left Opie's mouth, he knew exactly where Vanessa was.

* * *

 

Jax couldn't remember the last time he had been to the cemetery. He used to make frequent visits to his father, but after Sophia, he stopped. He couldn't bear the thought of his daughter in the ground where his father and brother rested prematurely.

Jax felt that heavy ache in his chest, which he tried to avoid on most days, scratch its way to the surface as he walked closer to where Vanessa was sitting on the ground.

Next to his brother was his little girl. As he got closer, he could tell Vanessa has cleaned up the grave and added flowers and some trinkets.

He wanted to chew her out for not answering her phone, but he knew this wasn't the place. Instead, he watched as Vanessa sat in front of the grave silently before she stood up and placed a kiss on the headstone. But she didn't make any move to acknowledge him as she still stood facing the grave marker.

He moved closer to her and touched her shoulder, but she shrugged him off. "Go away," she croaked. And he felt like an asshole as her voice was thick from crying because of him no doubt.

"Nes, " he called softly as he grabbed ahold of her elbow.

"Jax, I don't want to argue here of all places." She stressed as he reached out for her again and she shrugged out of his hold and looked at him. Her eyes were puffy and irritated and the tip of her nose was red. Her face was free from makeup just as he preferred and despite the fact she was crying, she was the most beautiful woman to him.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets as Vanessa wrapped her arms around herself.

"You shouldn't be alone or stressed." He said lowly.

Vanessa snorted as she wiped away a few rogue tears from her face. "I'm surprise you would care since you're not even sure if the kid is yours."

Jax winced as she threw his words back at him. "I didn't mean that, Nes."

"Don't lie to me, Jax." She countered weakly.

"I'm not."

Vanessa only shook her head. "Fuck you." She hissed before she began walking away from him.

Jax immediately began to chase after her. Reaching her, he grabbed her arm tightly, not enough to hurt her, but enough she couldn't walk away from him, "Stop walking away from me." He pleaded to her. His free hand cupped her damp cheeks as he forced her to look at him. "I'm sorry. I'm an asshole and you have every right to pissed, but I'm sorry. Just don't shut me out, please."

"I hate you," she said hoarsely.

Jax smiled sadly. "No you don't."


	19. Chapter 19

Nothing could wipe the smile off Jax's face as he looked at the ultrasound photo of his unborn child. It was too early to determine the sex, but he felt this one was going to be a girl. He didn't know how long he had been staring at that photo since it was a family affair as they even brought the boys to the doctor's appointment.

Abel and Thomas had settled on calling their new sibling a Peanut. He thought the boys would seem skeptical of a new brother or sister considering what happened with Sophia, but they seemed excited as they even requested their own copy of the ultra sound photo.

And through his excitement, he did his best to ignore that fear that something could happen to this baby. But he felt in his gut that nothing would happen. If something did, god forbid, if something did, he would be prepared for it.

He stared at his little Peanut and imagined a little girl with dark hair that would grow into loose curls like Vanessa's. His little girl would have her mother's eyes and even her mother's personality. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle a little girl having Vanessa's stubborn attitude as he always adorned how Vanessa would pout and scrunch her nose up when she wouldn't budge on an issue. However thinking about a girl, he knew he would get gray hairs sooner than he anticipated in dealing with boys that would surely trail after his daughter.

But for now he was content sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette as Vanessa, the boys, and Chase were all in the master bedroom taking a nap. The excitement seemed to take a toll on his family after they even went out to eat and took the boys to the toy store.

And since nothing could ruin his mood, he didn't even mind that Chase was laying in his bed with them.

* * *

 

"Jax."

Jax groaned when he heard his name being called out ad his body being shaken. He was actually going to ignore the voice as he was having a good sleep, but his name was called again much more sternly as he was violently jostled awake.

Opening his blue eyes, he found Vanessa looking down at him with a pout on her face. Chase was of course by her side sitting and looking at him as well. Jax didn't remember falling asleep on the couch; he rubbed his face as he sat upright and placed his feet on the ground.

"What's wrong?" He asked sleepily.

"Abel and Thomas are killing my back." She told him.

Jax smiled softly as he noticed the pout on her lips and how messy her hair was from sleep. He immediately stood up and his heads gripped her hips softly before he planted a kiss on her forehead.

Entering the bedroom, he found Thomas laying across the bed and no doubt where Vanessa was previously lying his feet would've been in her back. Abel on the other hand was clutching Vanessa's pillow. Abel liked to cling to Vanessa when he slept.

Jax picked up Thomas first as he was a heavy sleeper and he knew he would go down without waking. Jax smiled at Vanessa as she watched with a smile as he took their youngest to his room. He tucked Thomas in easily. Walking back into his room, he found Vanessa had slipped out of the outfit she wore earlier into one of his SAMCRO shirts and was waiting on the bed for him to grab Abel.

Chase was sitting next to her, his head in her lap. It seemed the dog knew Vanessa was pregnant as the dog had become glued to Vanessa side. He was like her own personal bodyguard as Chase always seemed reluctant to leave her side as the boys tried to play with him.

Jax surmised the dog was useful for something.

He gently grabbed Abel as Vanessa helped in loosely the boys grip on the pillow. He froze slightly as Abel began mumbling and turning in his grip, but relaxed as he stayed asleep even as he tucked him in.

Vanessa had tucked herself in bed when he came back and Chase walked passed him taking his perch outside the door.

With the light on his side of the bed still on, he watch with a smirk as Vanessa kept her eyes on him as he stripped down to his boxers.

"Ya like?" He asked teasingly.

"Well I think it's one of the reasons to blame for my current situation." Vanessa said from the bed.

Jax slid in the bed as he brought Vanessa into his arms. His hands went to the small bump that was forming on her stomach. "You always look beautiful pregnant." He said against the crown of her head that rested on his chest.

"What you like that I look like I swallowed a watermelon."

Jax rolled his eyes. "No, you look beautiful carrying my children."

"You know you don't need to sweet talk me as I'm already carrying your kid."

Jax's hand that wasn't resting gently on her bump went up and caressed her face and forced her to look at him. "I'm just stating facts darlin'."

She rolled her hands, but did kiss the palm on his hand before she laid her head back down on his chest. And the room was encased in silence and Jax thought Vanessa was going to fall into an easy sleep as his eyes began drifting closed when she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Jax."

Jax brows furrowed and questioned. "For what?"

"After Sophia when I tried to use you to get pregnant again," she said softly and he felt tears hit his chest.

Jax immediately grabbed her face as he looked at her and wiped her tears away. "Babe, you –"

Vanessa shook her head stopping him from speaking. "No, I do. I was selfish. I was too involved in my grief when she was our daughter. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm so sorry, Jax."

Jax didn't know what to say as a lump formed in his throat. Even though at the time he resented Vanessa for doing that to him, he was at peace with it. It was a fucked up time and he knew he couldn't hold that against her.

Jax wiped her tears away. "Vanessa, I made peace with that. I forgave you for that a long time ago."

Vanessa pushed his hands off her face as she sat up causing him to lean up on his forearms.

"Maybe you shouldn't."

" _What_?"

The way she looked at him, a look of pure agony, he felt his chest tighten as always wanted to shield her from every experiencing an emotion like that. The words that left her mouth however made him angry.

"Jax, what happened to Sophia was my fault." She told him through tears.

"Vanessa, stop." He said sharply.

"Jax –"

"No," he said as he sat up fully. "What happened to Sophia wasn't anyone's fault and it certainly wasn't yours. It wasn't your fault. No one blames you for what happened and I better not hear anything like that come out your mouth again."

He could tell she wanted to fight him on his words as they stared at each other.

"Come here," he said gently as he pulled her back down to him which she complied to easy.

"I'm so scared, Jax."

"You need to stop thinking like that." Jax told her softly as he cradled her in his arms.

Vanessa didn't say anything and they both fell to sleep.

* * *

 

Jax was watching TV with Abel while Thomas was on the floor playing with Chase. Vanessa was out with her mom for lunch. It was just him and the boys in the house.

Jax was deep into Paw Patrol when Abel poked him in his side.

Jax tore his eyes away from the TV down to his son. "What's up buddy?"

"Where do babies come from?" Abel asked innocently.

Jax looked at his son blankly. He knew this question was bound to come up with both Vanessa and Donna being pregnant. And he cursed his son for asking this question when Vanessa wasn't here. He knew Vanessa would have a G-rated answer available for the boys and he couldn't exactly tell his son about sex. Plus, he knew he couldn't just give his son any bullshit answer as he was his son.

"Hugs."

He watched as Abel processed the answer and then complete mortification took over his features.

"It's a different type of hug," Jax clarified.

Abel skeptical seemed to accept the answer for what it was. Jax had no doubt that Abel was probably going to ask Vanessa the question when she came home. But Jax was even more taken back by his son's next question.

"Is mommy and the baby going to get hurt again?"

Thomas oblivious and absorbed with Chase to know what was going on. Jax gave his son a sad smile and pulled his oldest into his lap. Jax looked down at Abel, who was essentially his carbon copy from the blonde hair he was determined to grow out, as Vanessa told him he wanted to slick it back like his, and their blue eyes. Abel's however were a little darker.

Jax placed a kiss on top of his son's head. "Sometimes things happened that no one has control over like what happened with Sophia. But mommy and the baby are really healthy and the doctors are making sure what happened with Sophia doesn't happen again."

"Was I in mommy's belly?"

Jax smiled as he thought about Vanessa's pregnancy with Abel. Although it came as an unexpected surprise where he had doubts he was ready to be a father and let alone a husband so quickly. But despite his reservations and fears especially when it was confirmed Abel had CHD, he still remembered hearing Abel's heartbeat for the first time, when Vanessa began to show, and when Abel kicked at his hand.

"Yeah you were just like Thomas was."

Abel nodded his head and Jax could see his was forming another question.

He wasn't expecting a slight frown to take over Abel's features.

"I don't know if I want mommy to have another baby. Mommy is tired all the time now."

Jax laughed at his son's words and the accompanying pout. He wasn't about to inform his son how Vanessa was bound to get even more tired as the pregnancy got farther along and even after the baby was born.

* * *

 

Jax's eyes sprung awake from the deep sleep he was in. As he laid in bed, he had a feeling the dream wasn't exactly worth remembering from the feeling he felt. He turned his head and expecting to see Vanessa sleeping peacefully at his side, but the bed was empty. He leaned up and looked towards where the bathroom was, but the door was open and the light was off.

Jax kicked the covers off him and got out the bed. As he stepped in the hallway, he found Chase asleep in his place in front of the bathroom door that was between his and Abel's room. The hallway was dark, but he could see the kitchen light was on.

Walking down the hallway with sleep laced in his bones, he found Vanessa sitting at the kitchen table eating ice cream. Vanessa smiled at him as he walked near her and she offered him her spoon. "You want some?"

"You didn't put some crazy shit in it?" He questioned as he remembered the weird cravings she had with all her pregnancies. Just thinking about the weird combinations made his stomach revolt in disgust. But he knew he said the wrong thing at the scowl Vanessa sent him. Jax bent down pressing a quick kiss on her cold lips to wipe away that remained. "I'm sorry." And to save himself from dealing with an angry pregnant wife, he quickly took the offer spoonful of the cookie and crème ice cream.

He however became confused as Vanessa took the spoon and smiled sweetly at him before getting up and putting the ice cream back in the freezer.

"Something wrong?"

"I don't want ice cream for dessert anymore," she said as she grabbed his hand and began leading him back to their bedroom. All trace of drowsiness left his symptom as he took in the meaning of her words.

He was silent as she smiled coyly at him before she directed him to the bed and proceeded to straddle his lap.

Her dark hair was in a haphazard bun and she was adorned in one of his shirts where he could tell she wasn't wearing a bra. Her bump was still small and hidden behind his shirt.

Her hands weaved into his hair and she leaned down and he thought she was going to place a kiss on his lips, but she kissed the edge of his mouth being the tease she was. Her mouth trailed from his cheek, jaw, and to his throat all while she rocked her hips against him.

His hands that were on her hips then went to her bare legs and then slipped underneath the cotton material. He didn't know why, but he was surprised when his fingers only contacted her bare skin and no underwear. Being pregnant always made his wife a little needy and he wasn't complaining.

Her lips traveled up from his pulse point and she brought him into a searing kiss that made him moan as her hips were still rocking tremendously slowly against his.

She pulled back with a smile almost causing him to whine at the lost as she tossed his shirt over her head. "I love you, Jackson."

"Is that the hormones talking?" He quipped as he looked at her full luscious breasts and he sat up bringing them chest to chest.

"Maybe." She said breathlessly against him as his fingers trailed down between her legs and began a lite teasing.

Jax laughed a little as she managed a smile as she began rocking against his hand. "I love you too baby."

Vanessa's whiskey eyes snapped open and she looked into his hooded ones and questioned, "Do you?"

"More than you'll ever know."


	20. Chapter 20

"Here."

Jax turned and found Vanessa holding a water bottle out for him which he gladly took. They had finally unpacked the last box and were officially moved into their new home.

Vanessa initially didn't want to move as she was fine with their four bedroom home. However when it came down to potentially remodeling Sophia's room, despite the progress they made, neither of them could find the courage to do it. They really couldn't after they found out they were having a girl.

Even with the doctors assuring them that their baby was developing healthily. Both mom and baby were doing okay. He and Vanessa both still had that fear their baby girl could be ripped away from them as Sophia was.

After checking it over with the doctor and with the help of his mom, Jax surprised Vanessa with the new house that thankfully she loved. It was similar to their last house from design in being ranch style. It was just more spacious and further from where they previously lived making it a little more secluded.

As moving was considered a stress that expecting mother's didn't need, he had the Prospects at the beck and call of his wife and he made sure everyone listened to Vanessa in how she wanted the house set up. He was grateful that his mom wasn't acting like a drill Sergeant when it came to his house. Thankfully, she was distracted in watching the boys to really bother Vanessa.

Vanessa was due in early January, but Jax suspected Olivia Marie Teller was going to be arriving in December. He even thought she might arrive on Christmas. He thought it would be fitting and he kind of hoped that their little girl would make an appearance on that day.

Jax placed his hands on his wife's stomach and pressed a kiss to it while he felt Vanessa run her hands through his growing hair.

"How's my girls doing today?" He asked and he felt some movement against his hand. He thought he would never get over the miracle of a woman – this remarkable woman – carrying his child. He believed the 9 months went by too fast. However, nothing could top the feeling and awe during the delivery. He knew this was probably their last kid. He thought maybe he would be able to knock her up one more time. But he savored every pregnancy. Although he could admit with Abel he was scared during the majority of the 9 months. Despite his fear, he was still in awe of seeing Vanessa's belly grow bigger with Abel growing inside her.

"She's kicking like crazy and I'm waiting for the prospect to bring me my milkshake." Vanessa finished with a pout as she removed her hands from his hair and placed them over his hands that were on her stomach.

Jax knew it was best not to comment on her craving or point out that it had only been like five minutes since Rat Boy left. He knew the ride itself would only take 20 minutes top including the boy taking the order, but Vanessa was slightly becoming a drill Sergeant when she couldn't get what she wanted. He almost felt bad for her fourth graders. He was on the receiving end of her mood swings as well, but he had two previous pregnancies of experience on his belt.

He placed one last kiss on her belly before Jax tugged her hand so she could join him on the couch where Chase took his place in front of them by their feet.

"You talk to Donna today?" He asked her gently as she leaned back on the couch and laid her legs across his lap and not having to be told he began messaging her feet, which had her releasing a low moan in her throat.

"She's glad Gemma took all the kids." Vanessa replied referring to Kenny and Ellie. "Although I know Opie's spotty memory on how to handle infants is certainly biting himself in the ass."

Jax laughed as he knew how true that statement rang. Donna had given birth to Bella and Hunter Winston almost three months ago. As Jax watched his brother handle the newest additions to his family, Jax was glad Vanessa wasn't pregnant with twins. Despite how much he loved Vanessa being pregnant and his children, he was glad they had one at a time. Besides Thomas was only about to turn 3. All their kids were under the age of 6 as of now. Plus Jax could admit his boys were needy. He didn't know how well they were going to do with having to divide their time with their new sibling. They already had a hard time dealing with dividing their time with each other and even him.

He knew it was only going to get worse and he knew this possessiveness solely was inherited from him.

"I think it's going to be funny seeing you and Opie with girls." Vanessa remarked as she got comfortable on the couch. He gave her 10 minutes before she would be fast asleep on the couch. Her milkshake forgotten and he felt bad for Rat Boy as when she woke up she would make him go get another "fresh" one.

Jax raised an eyebrow at her words, but didn't say anything as he didn't want to think about how his daughter would look like her beautiful mother and the future boyfriends or even girlfriends that would come too. He was grateful his daughter would have two overprotective older brothers along with a whole motorcycle club to keep future partners in check. He rubbed his hand over his wife's stomach and he felt a kick causing him to smile.

"Olivia is going to be a daddy's girl." Jax proclaimed proudly.

Vanessa giggled. "Yeah and she will have you wrapped around her finger."

Jax smiled as he couldn't disagree with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those that have read this story, reviewed and subscribed!


End file.
